By the mercies of God

As you know, we are studying surrender in our ladies Bible study group. Last week, in our introductory session, we looked at the kind of surrender that Jesus requires. For instance, in Matt. 10:37-39, Jesus says,

"Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."

Here we see the kind of commitment that loves family less than Christ. Not only that, Jesus calls His followers to take up their cross, the instrument of death, and lose their lives for His sake.

In Luke 9:23-25, we see a similar call:

"If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself?"

The call to the cross is not the call to some burden like an illness or a rebellious child, though those are indeed trials that the Lord may use to strengthen our faith in His goodness and sovereignty. The call to the cross is a call to die to self and to embrace the will of God no matter the cost.

This is the kind of surrender Jesus demands. Relinquishing all. Total abandonment. Complete surrender. A living sacrifice.

In Romans 12:1, Paul exhorts us to surrender ourselves: "by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship." What motivates us to die to self, to take up the cross and to follow Christ? The mercies of God, the glorious gospel of grace, the so great a salvation by which God has made us alive in Christ! It is the radical nature of the gospel that compels the radical nature of surrender to be a living sacrifice.

One commentary I read made the following statement:

Immense vision will bring immense commitment.

I love that. As we taste and see the goodness of the Lord, we will yearn to lay ourselves before Him in glad surrender. The more we begin to understand the measure of grace He has poured out on us at the cross of Christ, the more we will want to walk in obedience. As we grow in the grace and knowledge of Him, everything else will be rubbish compared to Him. In view of these mercies, He will be preeminent, our love for Him far surpassing our love for anything (and anyone else) and it will be our joy to follow Him wherever He leads, whatever the cost.

We will want to lose ourselves because in so doing our gain is great: He is our reward, the pearl of great price, the all surpassing Treasure.

Where do we catch immense vision? Where will we best see Him? Where do we find His revelation of Himself? In His Word. Devote yourself to searching the glories of Christ in the pages of His living Word, and in view of the mercies of God found in Christ, you will long to present yourself as a living sacrifice. May God grant us the grace to say with Paul: "I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord." Nothing compares!

The Treat of Retreat

This past weekend the ladies of our church went on retreat. We had a great time! Here are some of my personal highlights of the weekend:

• Eating at Cracker Barrel Friday night. I have great affection for the grilled tenderloin sandwich. The sourdough bread? Delicious!

• The retreat location. My dear friend graciously allowed us the use of her lakehouse and it was perfect. We had some rain but late Saturday morning we were able to walk down to the dock and enjoy the lakeside view. Gorgeous!

• My friends' hospitality not only in the use of her house but in leaving cookies (yummy) and fresh flowers throughout the house. Everything was so nice!
  

• The laughter. Lots of it.

• Staying up way too late talking and, you got it, laughing. Lots of laughing.
  

• Our cute tee shirts. Didn't take my camera so I don't have one of the group shots to post so you can see the cuteness of our tees but trust me, they were.

• Our speaker's willingness to come despite the (very) short notice we gave her. In fact, we threw the whole thing together in nearly record time and I am grateful for each of my girlfriends who helped with the planning, the food, gathering the supplies, ordering tee shirts, making goodie bags--it was truly a group effort!

• Learning about humility. It seems the Lord has something specific to say to us, just finishing up Brokenness in Bible study, beginning Surrender, now with a dose of humility in between. Hmmmm....

• My word from the weekend: Is. 57:15, one we pondered nearly every session of our study on Brokenness. How I pray for the kind of heart that God revives, the heart that is contrite and humble before Him...

• The strengthening of the bond we share as sisters and friends. I am so thankful for these, my girlfriends, my companions in the journey. The Lord has been good to us!

I do have to admit to you some degree of bittersweetness as I reflect on the retreats we took each year at my old church. At Cracker Barrel enjoying our pre-retreat meal, I saw one of my dear, dear friends who remained when we left. She asked me just how many retreats I had been on without her, knowing this was the first. I missed her terribly and once again I experienced the strange tightrope of emotion wavering between nostalgia for what was and excitement for is and what will come. Oh, but the Lord is faithful...

Friday's Favorites

It's Friday; time for another list of five favorites of the week! Some of my favorite things this week include...

1. Resuming Bible study. I think I've told you we're studying surrender. Good stuff. This week we considered Jesus' call to commitment in Luke 9:23-24, And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. Talk about total commitment--denying self, taking up your cross, losing your life. Surrender, complete and total.

2. My first day "on the job" as a counselor at the crisis pregnancy center. I loved it! Among other things, I got to pray with a young expectant mom! She took a copy of a Bible study on the book of John we offer and I really think she'll be back to talk about it!

3. Matthew West's newest song, The Motions. Consider the lyrics:

This might hurt
It's not safe
But I know that I've gotta make a change
I don't care
If I break
At least I'll be feeling something
"˜Cause just ok
Is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything?
Instead of going through the motions

Yes and amen. I don't want to go through the motions without the all consuming passion of my Lord. I think of Romans 12:11, Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord.

4. Cadbury mini eggs. Tis the season! Love them! Look forward to them every spring! One of my second favorite things about Easter; the first being the Resurrection of my Lord...



5. This comment Kelly @ Love Well left at this post of Elle's @ A Complete Thought. I sense the tension within myself of wanting to blog, feeling as if I ought to blog, and not blogging (and then feeling guilty about it all). Kelly's comment that blogging is not your life, well, it's totally true and I find a lot of freedom in it. I'll blog when I blog and in the meantime I'll be living this ordinary life to which the Lord has called me...

So, there you go. Five faves of the week. It's been a wild and crazy week, to be sure--stopping to count my blessings and name them one by one reminds me of the grace and mercy of my good and gracious God. As I do so, I think of many other favorites I could add; visiting our dear friends over the weekend for instance. How good is our God, the Giver of all good things!

What are your favorites this week? Let us know by linking over at Susanne's!

Disorganized

We resumed Bible study Wednesday morning, studying surrender with Nancy Leigh Demoss's book of the same name. In the introduction, Demoss makes the following statement:

Many Christians live perpetually disorganized lives because they have never realized (and therefore are not living out) the implications of their initial surrender to Christ.

Or, at least that's how I saw it. I read it like four or five times before I realized this is what she actually said:

Many Christians live perpetually discouraged defeated lives because they have never realized (and therefore are not living out) the implications of their initial surrender to Christ.

Free association aside, I'm thinking either way, there's some truth there. Certainly my discouragement and sense of defeat could indicate a lack of surrender (Nancy says so!), but my disorganization? Hmmmm, food for thought there...

Spring Reading Thing, 2009

Yes, it's Spring (can it be?) and that means it's time for Katrina's Spring Reading Thing challenge! Actually, it's not so much a challenge as it is fun to post a list of titles you intend to read this spring and then go around and check out what everyone else is reading. As if that weren't fun enough in and of itself, Katrina will be hosting weekly giveaways (of books!) and other fun things. When the challenge fun is over in June, participants post a wrap up, listing what they read, what they didn't, what they liked, and what they didn't. Sound like your kind of deal? Head over to Callapidder Days to get all the info, write up your post and link it up. Then, read!

So, for my lists...

FICTION / MEMOIR (that's for you, Jennifer)

So Brave, Young and Handsome: A Novel, Leif Enger--currently reading

I loved (LOVED!) Peace Like a River so I am so excited to be reading Enger's second novel.

Don't Let Me Go: What My Daughter Taught Me About the Journey Every Parent Must Make, Pierce

The back cover describes this book as "true adventures of climbing mountains, running marathons, and becoming a dad."

Around the World in Eighty Days , Jules Verne

For the classics bookclub at 5 Minutes for Books. I've never read it nor seen the movie! I'm looking forward to the adventure!

Austenland: A Novel, Hale

Y'all know of my affection for Jane Austen and this Austen-esque novel came at the recommendation of my friend Carrie, whose reviewing prowess is greatly admired over at 5 Minutes for Books.

The Passion of Mary-Margaret, Lisa Samson

Some of Samson's novel I have loved; a few I haven't been as crazy about. I do know this: she isn't afraid to push the envelope and I'm thinking this title is no different.

Dough: A Memoir, Mort Zachter

An interesting memoir of a working class immigrant family in Manhattan.

Certain Jeopardy, Struecker and Gansky

A novel of suspense, Special Ops and stealth engagement...

Sometimes a Light Surprises, Jamie Langston Turner

I have loved every one of Turner's novels and was so excited to see she (finally!) has a new title on the horizon!

NON-FICTION

Tell the Truth: The Whole Gospel to the Whole Person by Whole People, Metzger--currently reading

I have generally avoided evangelism books like the plague; this one, however, is really good, both convicting and encouraging as it reminds me of the glory of the gospel of Jesus Christ!

Surrender: The Heart God Controls , Nancy Leigh Demoss--currently reading / facilitating for Bible study

Our next session of Bible study resumes tomorrow; we will be looking at this the next in the Revive Our Hearts series.

Real Moms...Real Jesus: Meet the Friend Who Understands, Savage--currently reading

I've enjoyed reading this book by a real mom who encourages other real moms to look to Jesus in all aspects of their mothering life.

The Bookends of the Christian Life, Bridges and Bevington

Carrie and I will be offering a dual review at 5 Minutes for Books of this intriguing title about the righteousness of Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit and their role in living for Christ. I'm very excited about reading this one!

Get Outta My Face!, Horne

Subtitled, "How to Reach Angry, Unmotivated Teens with Biblical Counsel." I'm thinking this one may be relevant at some point in my near future.

Spiritual Mothering: The Titus 2 Model for Women Mentoring Women, Hunt

I'm coming to terms with the idea that I am becoming one of the "older women" Paul refers to in Titus 2. I look forward to the practical encouragement of this book as I seek to encourage other young moms to serve the Lord Jesus as they serve their husbands and families.

A Tale of Two Sons: The Inside Story of a Father, His Sons, and a Shocking Murder, MacArthur
It's John MacArthur. It's the parable of the prodigal son. Enough said.

Comforts from the Cross: Celebrating the Gospel One Day at a Time, Fitzpatrick

From the publisher's description, this book "invites readers into a daily celebration of Christ and his incarnation, sinless life, substitutionary death, bodily resurrection, ascension, and ongoing reign as Lord. These thirty-one devotions provide busy Christian women with brief but deep reminders of how God's truth powerfully connects to their everyday lives." Sign me up!

An ambitious list, is it not? So many books, too little time! What are you planning on reading this spring? Link up your list at Katrina's and join in the Spring Reading Thing fun!

Spring Break in review

It's Monday, post-Spring Break Monday, and as such I have a multitude of things demanding my attention, things like laundry and grocery and enjoying my first moments of solitude in over a week (!). Due to the multitude of things that must be done today, I have set the timer, allotting myself a mere thirty minutes to craft what is sure to be the most compelling blog post you'll read today.

Or, not.

Oh yeah, and since I have only thirty minutes, that compulsive self editor within must be suppressed so I'm asking here in advance that you overlook any and all sloppy writing (beyond the usual sloppy writing, that is).

Like I said, it was Spring Break last week and while I had lofty aspirations of completing various and sundry projects around the house, like painting my half bath or working on the front flower bed, I instead spent my mornings at the Spring Break Kids Club, a back yard Bible club hosted by the students at my church. I made turkey and cheese sandwiches and observed my sons and their peers sing, play, and share Jesus with 25 children in need of the gospel of Jesus Christ (aren't we all?). This was no internal operation; our students canvassed the neighborhoods surrounding our Bible club location (a mission field in its own right), passing out flyers, believing the Lord to send us some kids. And He did! We now pray that He will reap a great soul harvest for His kingdom's glory from the seeds planted last week--to the glory of His name!

I also helped with a concert hosted by our local crisis pregnancy center and discovered something: I'm officially old. For the concert I chose my outfit based on one consideration: the comfort of my shoes. And still I chose wrongly; my feet were KILLING me by the night's end. Never mind that it was a LONG night--I have now decided I'm ridding myself of all my ten dollar (or less) cheapies and will now only acquire shoes that are both comfortable and have adequate support. Gone are the days when cute trumped comfort!

On a walk around the block one night last week with my two youngest boys, we met up with some neighbors from a couple of streets over. We began to chat about various and sundry things before our discussion finally landed on church stuff. They have walked a similar journey, ten years ago now. Though their situation was a little different, they know full well the concurrent emotions of grief and exhilaration that accompany a church split/plant. How encouraging to boast in the Lord with fellow believers!

We traveled to our friends' home several states away to spend this past weekend with them, their three sons and their newly adopted little girl. You may remember me linking to her blog and the story of their adoption journey. What a precious little girl! We had a great time getting to know her as well as catching up with our dear friends. It was a great weekend. I think the maybe the song is correct though certainly cheesy: Friends are friends forever...

And, one Spring Break highlight not to be overlooked: while at our friends' home, we paid a visit to IKEA! Pretty cool! I can well understand why it is the phenomenon it is--I loved it and could have easily spent hours on end shopping til I dropped, you know, had we had room in the suburban to haul it all home!

So, there you have it. A brief overview of our Spring Break week. My timer still has a few minutes left, so I will see how many comma splices I can delete and maybe run spell check. Have a great Monday...

From my friend for whom many of you have prayed:

Three words: We are home!
Three more words: Praise the Lord!

New Prayer request: Help me keep a very active eleven-year-old safe while he heals. He was told NO physical activity (including bike riding, jumping on the trampoline, PE, climbing trees...) He feels SO good, he's bouncing around the house, making us NERVOUS! What a WONDERFUL problem to have. Thank you, Jesus!

Seven (More) Kinds of Random

My new blog friend Cindy @ Letters From Midlife tagged me to share 7 random things about myself and, secretly, I'm a little relieved. Y'all know that awhile back I posted 25 Random Things (a la Facebook). After posting the list o' 25, I did a little reading of some of my friends' lists and immediately decided that my list, while indeed random, was also, well, lame.

By tagging me, Cindy has allowed me opportunity to redeem myself and offer you an amendment of sorts, an addendum to my original list of randomness. So, to further reveal the true multi-dimensioned random that is me, here are 7 more random facts about me:

1. I can understand, explain, and even recognize the off-sides penalty in soccer. In fact, I have been known to educate fans from the opposing team on the rightness of such a call. Only when they express confusion over such call, you understand.

2. While I like new clothes and find fashion fascinating, I am most comfortable in jeans and a tee shirt or sweater and little or no makeup.

3. I must wear a watch. I must. I cannot go without. Can not and will not function without my watch.

4. Despite the watch (!), I'm terrible at accessorizing, especially when it comes to jewelry. Cute, trendy jewelry is a look I am unable to carry. My favorite piece of jewelry is my charm bracelet, comprised of charms I've received as gifts and some I've purchased on my own to commemorate various events like my first real speaking opportunity or having my first article published. Sentimental stuff despite the fact I'm not really all that sentimental.

5. One of my biggest pet peeves? People who stand too close. In other words, I have a HUGE personal space. And while we're discussing pet peeves, here's another: when people give you the once over, looking you over from head to toe, all before looking you in the eye. HATE that!

6. I'm terribly competitive. So much so that I refuse to play games. Because I might lose. And I hate to lose. I hate to be bad at something even more.

7. One of my biggest fears? Failure. Messing up and missing out.

Finally, for one more random thing about me: fellow blogger SandySmile (whom I know in real life too) tagged me with the Lemonade Award, given to blogs with great attitude or gratitude. How cool is that? For more gratitude and attitude (the good kind), go check out Sandra's Groovy Kind of Life...

Thanks, Sandra!

So, there you go, Cindy! Anyone else want to share their randomness with the blog community? Consider yourself tagged!

Words worth pondering

It is only when we face a choice in which our will must be overridden in order to do the will of Christ that we have insight into the reality of our salvation.

~Will Metzger, Tell the Truth

To update you on my friends' little boy: He is doing well and had a good night last night. They are tapering off his meds so he has times where he is conscious enough to want the tube out of his throat! He is frustrated by not being able to talk! His parents ask that we pray for him as he will have to deal with the pain and the restraints--very difficult for a ten year old boy, to be sure. Of course, we are all praying for a full (and quick) recovery. Pray too for my friend and her husband (and their other children)--for strength and rest and that they will be able to support and encourage their son. My friend's husband writes:

Pray that God will do his work in me as a Dad through this challenge. The Word says He works all things together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose. Pray that I will be that guy who lets God work in me and on my heart to make me the Dad he wants me to be.

Hello, I have a B.S. in Math...

You Are a Calculator

No matter what someone tells you, you're likely to focus on facts and data. You're a highly analytic person. You are only concerned with what you can know for sure. You look at situations objectively, and you have no problem approaching problems from multiple angles. You would make a good analyst or investment banker. You are confident enough to make tough calls and hard decisions.

What Office Supply Are You?

HT: Mocha with Linda

Romans 8:28

This morning, on my way back home from taking the forgotten Social Studies binder to my son at the middle school, my iPod shuffled to Mercy Me's song "Bring the Rain":

"I know there will be days...when this life brings me pain...but if that what it takes to praise you...Jesus, bring the rain"

Last night in our study of Romans at my church, we discussed 8:28, the promise that all things work together for good for those who love God, those called according to His purpose. A glorious promise. A beautiful encouragement. Also a difficult truth, particularly in the midst of heartbreak and pain.

I thought of my friend whose son suffered a head injury horsing around with a group of boys Sunday. As a result of his injuries, he has undergone brain surgery and is now in a drug induced coma. His prognosis is uncertain. He is only ten years old. My friend and her husband are believers; they know their hope is in Christ and Him alone. They love God; they are called according to His purpose. The promise of Romans 8:28 is theirs.

But it is not a trite truism. It is a difficult and hard truth. How can seeing your ten year old baby in a coma where you are not to speak to him nor touch him and you cannot know yet what tomorrow will hold for him--how can that turn out for good? That song is right: life brings us pain, sometimes searing, crippling pain. This my friend knows firsthand.

But because of the promise of Romans 8:28, it is a pain laced with hope, however small and however elusive that hope may be today. For those of us who belong to Christ, our pain has purpose and we can rest in His sovereignty. We can trust Him. We can know peace in the storm.

This is what I pray for my friend and her family: Peace. Comfort. Strength. And for God in His mercy to heal and restore her boy, to the glory of His name. Let it be, oh Lord, according to Your lovingkindness...

Laboring for that which perishes

A few weeks ago my pastor preached from John 6 where Jesus warns the people, "Do not labor for the food that perishes, but for the food that endures to eternal life, which the Son of Man will give to you." This just after the miraculous feeding of 5,000 men with only five loaves and two fish; the people then seeking after Jesus not because they saw signs, Jesus reveals in verse 26, but because they ate their fill of the loaves.

In other words, they wanted Him because He filled their stomachs. They wanted Him for what He could do for them. It was self gratification they sought, their best life now. In response (and in stark contrast), Jesus commands the self denying work of faith and belief in Him who God has sent. As my pastor said, Jesus is far more interested in the soul than the belly.

It's a little tempting for me to read of this incident and sort of pat myself on the back because, well, unlike those stubborn Jews, I do believe in Jesus.

Or do I?

Isn't it interesting that Jesus says not to labor for food that perishes when food is one of our most basic needs? What then do we labor for? I have to confess to you, I don't labor for food per se (hello? I'm a stay at home mom and thus unemployed) but I do labor for many things that will perish in light of eternity, temporal things, things unimportant when one considers heaven and hell, life and death.

It's not laboring in terms of earning a wage, but I think of the labor that is reflected in the things I pray for. Often what I ask for is indeed my best life now--ease, comfort, relief, success, accomplishment. I do not always thank God for my trials but instead beg for escape! I pray for blessing and favor, forgetting that often they come through difficulty and struggle. Even when interceding for my children, too often I ask in terms of this world--for good friends and good grades for example.

I think too of the things I want and the things I worry about (and how often those two are interrelated). How much labor is spent on wanting, wishing, and worrying! The other morning when I awoke, I did so with a heavy weight of self pity. I was comparing myself to another, always a sure recipe for discontent, and as a result I was pouty and frustrated and sure that the Lord had somehow shortchanged me.

Poor, pititful me.

I was wishing for that which perishes. I compared my circumstances with someone else's, decided hers was the better of the two, and let the bitterness wash over me.

How tempting to think this life is all about me, me, me! The gospel? Surely it's about having everything I could ever want: Food for my belly! Relief! Comfort! Accomplishment! What is it you want, Lisa? Name it and claim it!

We so want it to be about us. It's not. We want to think that Jesus is thinking of us above all. Instead, Jesus says for us to take up our cross, to lose our life, to die. Think of it. The cross, the instrument of torture and death. Not just any death, but a cruel, unimaginably horrible death. That's the picture of following Jesus. Count the cost, He commands even as He invites us to follow. Forget the food that perishes. Die to it. Believe in Him, the One the Father sent.

Aren't there blessings? Yes indeed. He Himself is the Bread of Life and He Himself fills our every need and our every desire. But knowing this satisfaction--the satisfaction we only find in Him--comes when we say with Paul: I am crucified with Christ and I no longer live but Christ...

Insecurity and the pleasure of God

Okay, so I have another confession.

Incidentally, I'm thinking of renaming my blog Lisa confesses... as that seems to be the typical post mode around here...

Anyway, I have a confession, one that will come as no surprise to any one of you. Here goes: I have self esteem issues. In other words, I am insecure, confident only in the fear that you probably don't like me or if you do like me it will only be short lived once you discover the real me. I struggle with a sense of worth and significance, I'm convinced I'm a failure, and I perpetually feel as if I'm on the outside looking in.

Yep, that's pretty much me, most of the time , true or false, for better or worse.

Can anyone relate?

There is much written to women about our self esteem issues. I just read something not too long ago that encouraged women struggling with having it all and doing it all and being it all (and failing it all). Gaze at Jesus, the author said, like you did your first boyfriend. Just as God the Father proclaimed "This is my beloved Son in whom I am well pleased" (Matt. 3:17), we are to hear Him say the same thing over us, "This is my daughter in whom I am well pleased." If we fail at the person we set out to be, we are to start over, affirming to ourselves that God is proud of us, disregarding the voice that tells us that in us dwells no good thing.

Hmmm...ignoring first of all the whole "ick" factor of my first boyfriend...I mean, I'd rather just fix my eyes on Jesus as He is revealed to me in the Bible. Why drag my old boyfriend in it? And does Jesus really want the same type of juvenile crush to be my focus? True, He is the Lover of my soul, but He is also my Savior, Redeemer, King of Kings and Lord of Lords, holy and glorious. Anyway, I digress...

Certainly it makes sense (to us) to combat our low sense of worth by elevating our self perception. I say I look old; I want my husband to say, "No, baby, you don't look a day over 22." He's lying, of course, I can look in the mirror, but his saying so helps me feel better, at least until I do look in the mirror and the truth hits me square in the eyes (and the crow's feet).

But it's not true. By the same token, God is not well pleased with me and to apply that segment of Scripture to me and my worth before God is a misapplication of the Truth. It is Jesus on Whom resides God's pleasure and delight. In fact, the voices telling me that in me dwells no good thing, that is the Truth, the Bible, Romans 3:10-18 and Romans 7:18 for two examples.

In Matthew 3:13-17, the passage of Scripture the author refers to, Jesus is baptized by John the Baptist. The Spirit of God descended like a dove and alighted on Him immediately after Jesus' baptism and a voice from heaven proclaimed, "This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased." Why was He baptized? As a picture of His death and resurrection, "fitting for us to fulfill all righteousness." (v. 15) My MacArthur study Bible notes, "Christ was here identifying Himself with sinners. He will ultimately bear their sins; His perfect righteousness will be imputed to them." Just like 2 Corinthians 5:21 asserts, "For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."

So, why can't we apply that passage to hear God declaring His pride in us? What's so wrong about telling ourselves that God is pleased with us? Aren't we blessed and chosen, holy and blameless, redeemed and forgiven (Eph. 1)? We are, indeed. But we are all of those things because of Christ. We are all of those things to the praise of His glory. In and of ourselves, we are lost and wretched, depraved and dead, deserving of nothing less than an eternity in hell. It is only because of His grace that we are saved!

So, we must be careful of exalting ourselves, however subtly. We must beware of placing ourselves at the center of the gospel. Truly our God has done much on our behalf but not so we may gain glory. Rather, we must decrease; He must increase.

Our God does not intend for us to go through life with gaping, unresolved self esteem issues. Instead, He longs to satisfy us with Himself. The enemy will try to tell you, just like he tells me, that you are worthless. He will confirm all that you fear you might be. We do not confront his lies by figuring out how great we are; the Bible tells us to forget ourselves altogether! Counting all things as rubbish, forgetting what lies behind, pressing on toward the goal of exalting Christ in all things, even our weaknesses and failures!

What peace comes when we lose ourselves only to find Him! What praise when we realize that we are nothing and He is everything! What grace He pours out on those who repent of their endless pursuit of self worth and believe on Him! It's not about me (or you); it's Christ alone! He alone satisfies; He alone is worthy; He alone is my Rock and my salvation! To the praise of His glory!

A pity party, the morning after

Yesterday I threw myself a major pity party. Oh yes, I did. And I held nothing back--tears, laments, rants, the works. It was a sight but not a pretty one.

Aren't you glad you missed it.

I know my husband wishes he had.

It's funny, really (in retrospect that is, only in retrospect--a pity party is never funny at the time). I had had a great week--a GREAT week. The conclusion of a fantastic six weeks in Bible study, our usual celebratory meal at the Chinese restaurant, and hey, seeing my name in print. True, I've been feeling somewhat under the weather and cannot discount the effect the physical has on the emotional well being, but feeling yuck aside, it was a good week.

So, despite a great week with much to boast in the Lord about, last night I crashed and burned instead.

Interestingly, one of the questions from Bible study last week, one we didn't get around to discussing, asked why great defeats often follow great victories. Surely there are greater victories than going out to eat Chinese food with ten of your closest friends and certainly there are greater defeats than a crying fit on a Friday night but I think the question can still apply. Why does defeat seem to follow victory? Why a pity party at the close of a great week of seeing the Lord's faithfulness?

I don't know but I suspect it has something to do with my pride. I know my pity party sure did. Pride, that insidious, rebellious demand for self glory, it is not only the root of my pity but also my discontent, my envy, my bitterness. Psalm 10:4 describes the prideful as having no room in his (her) thoughts for God. How true. How horribly, heartrendingly true. When I indulge in a party party I have room for one thought and one thought only: ME. Poor me. Poor, unappreciated, overlooked ME.

As we have discussed pride and humility these past few weeks of Bible study, we've often made the point that humility often comes through humiliation. The example of Nebuchadnezzar comes to mind, the king whose prideful response to the Lord's confrontation resulted in being driven out from his people, eating grass like an ox, his hair and nails growing long and unkempt. Humiliation indeed. However, his humiliation was only for a time, and Nebuchadnezzar summarizes his experience by proclaiming:

Now I, Nebuchadnezzar, praise and extol and honor the King of heaven, for all his works are right and his ways are just; and those who walk in pride he is able to humble. (Dan. 4:37)

I know what you're thinking. I wonder the same thing myself. Why go through the degradation of living like an animal? Why not just humble yourself and submit to the Lord's authority? Don't you know Who you're dealing with? He's the King of heaven, certainly able to humble your prideful self!

By the same token, in shame I must ask myself the same thing. Why (over) react to some perceived slight? Why even indulge in comparison-turned-discontent? Why jump into a full blown, all out, no holds barred pity party over something so silly? Why not just humble yourself? Don't you know that He is able to humble those who walk in pride as well as those who wallow in self pity?

I have to admit, today I feel pretty stupid (though thankful I didn't have to eat grass to get to that point). Stupid, foolish pride. Faithful, holy God who lovingly disciplines His children, humbling them when they will not choose it for themselves. It's not the first time I've had to learn this lesson; I wonder if it will be my last. I'm sure my husband hopes so.

Status Report, March

Sitting...on the sofa in the den.

Drinking...coffee, black.

Eating...a pop tart. Brown sugar and cinnamon.

Feeling...yuck. Like my head will explode. Ears stopped up. Throat sore. Body fatigued.

Excited...about a real, live byline! "Home Life" magazine, April 2009! Look for it at your local Lifeway bookstore if you're curious!

Shameless...self promotion above, I know it.

Shocked...at just how much of a d-r-a-w-l my Southern drawl is! Have you listened to our 5 Minutes for Books podcast discussing Les Miserables? Good grief, I'm thinking I need some elocution classes!

Watching..."Pride and Prejudice," the Keira Knightley version. In between typing, that is.

Wondering...where all the hours in my day go? We are currently on a sports hiatus and thus home every night but I'm more behind than ever! How is that?

Outside...my proverbial comfort zone, training to be a counselor at the crisis pregnancy center. I am excited about ministering to the women of our community and sharing the gospel of Jesus Christ--but I am also overwhelmed and nervous!

Amazed...at the strangeness of the weather! Snow on Sunday, mid 70's on Friday. Weird!

Finished...our study of Brokenness in ladies' Bible study. The Lord was so good to us! I think we all enjoyed a healthy dose of conviction but in the process discovered an even greater measure of grace...We plan to continue with Surrender, the next book in Nancy Leigh Demoss's "Revive Our Hearts" trilogy.

Pondering...Jesus' call to deny ourselves and take up our crosses and follow Him. The call to discipleship is a call to die--not a call to ease and comfort and the fulfillment of all the dreams and desires I may have for this life. In fact, the Bible is clear that everyone who desires to live a godly life will be persecuted. Suffering, difficulty, these are to mark the life of the believer. Can I be like the early disciples who counted suffering for the gospel a privilege? I don't and I am ashamed, particularly as I consider that for them suffering meant martyrdom while for me it's something, well, just plain silly in comparison.

Resting...now as I give Lizzy and Darcy my undivided attention and wait for the meds to kick in!

On visiting the bookstore

A couple of months ago I visited a real, live, brick and mortar Christian bookstore to pick up a copy of a book we were considering for our ladies' Bible study at my church. I love the internet (where all the best deals on books can be found) but, for me, nothing compares to seeing the actual pages, particularly when making a decision on something as important as Bible study. I look at the book at the store; I'll more often than not purchase it online!

While looking for the title I had in mind, I decided to survey the Bible study section, browsing for, you know, studies that are mainly about, well, the Bible. They were there; I found them in the far back corner, about four shelves' worth, behind the (multi-rowed) section of (video) studies on topics such as communication (important), marriage (very important), and, among other things, not being frantic (also important).

I'm sure all of those studies are good and for the most part Biblically based. Important, as I said. I'm not writing today in criticism of any particular study nor author.

Let me also say this: neither am I criticizing video based Bible studies. I've facilitated many video studies. Many. From back when they were VHS, and only a few available at that. I've benefited greatly from each and every video study I've done and haven't regretted a single one. Not one, so don't hear me hating on DVD studies nor the authors and teachers of such. As a matter of fact, I'm certain I haven't facilitated my last video based study.

However, while we're talking about it, the thing about video studies is...well, they're just...so...prevalent! Now if one wants to lead a Bible study, one merely needs a TV, a DVD player, and voila! instant Bible study featuring a dynamic, gifted communicator who's been blessed with the benefits of stylists and wardrobe consultants and hair and makeup professionals not to mention sound editors who take care of all stammers and verbal miscues and such...

Do I sound cynical? I'm not. Really, I'm not. I will admit, my visit to the bookstore that day left me a little unsettled as I realized anew my complete and utter lack of qualification when it comes to teaching. I have no training--not even speech class in high school! In the depths of my insecurity, I wondered (and not for the first time)...in light of the plethora of gifted communicators readily available with the purchase of a DVD, what is there for women like me, women called by God to teach the Word, yet ordinary women with only ordinary skills, women with passion and willingness and little else?

I don't want my name on some DVD. Not at all. That's not my point. It just seems to me that the seeming peddling of personalities and platform can make women like me wonder if our calling has any relevance. Why should I stumble and stammer through a lesson that I am horribly ill "qualified" to teach when I can insert a disc and get the real deal instead? Why even try?

Sigh.

So, did I have a point? Other than yet another confession of my perpetual insecurities? Oh, yes. The point I wanted to have was this: STUDY THE WORD. As I wandered and wondered at the bookstore, I kept thinking of something I heard John Piper say: Wimpy theology makes for wimpy women.

How do we be strong women of God? Have a strong understanding of God (theology). How do we develop strong theology? Through the study of His Word! Let's not settle for wimpy theology. Let's determine to know God by knowing the deep things of His Word. Communication skills and a proper understanding of God's plan for marriage are important, no doubt about it, but let's also be women devoted to studying the Bible. Theology is not only for pastors and seminarians--it's for you and me too! Strong theology will transform us into strong women of God whose humble, ordinary lives will bring glory and honor to our All sufficient, extraordinary God!

And, oh yeah, if He's calling you to teach His Word--or whatever else that you feel insufficient in and woefully incompetent to do, not to mention completely without a wardrobe stylist--go ahead and say yes. His all surpassing power is best revealed in weakness, His treasure in the ordinary jar of clay! Yes and amen!

Seemingly inconsequential

Last night we attended a revival service at a "sister church" in our community. A dear friend of ours was the featured evangelist. We have been friends with him and his wife for many years. They now live away so we are always glad for the opportunity to catch up with him and, of course, hear him preach the Word.

Last night I thought back across the years and through the various twists and turns of our friendship. When we first met him, he was preaching then too, a layman who was alternately filling in the pulpit after the pastor of his church here in town had resigned. We officially met when he and the other pulpit supply preacher (and future friend) came to our home as part of church visitation.

We were newcomers in town, having attended their church for the first time that previous Sunday. We were good Baptists and knew that we would no doubt be receiving a visit. I had checked the bulletin for the day and time so I would be ready: house clean, supper put away, dishes washed, children neatly dressed. Tuesdays at 6, it read, so Tuesday I intended to be ready and waiting.

Well, evidently they didn't read the bulletin since they came not Tuesday but Monday. We were not ready. Our babies were in the tub, I had on no makeup, the house was a mess. It didn't matter. The two men stayed for two hours, probably more.

We joined their church and it became our church. We became dear friends--hanging out, trading childcare, talking on the phone for hours, lots of laughter and fun kind of friends.

Our friend and his family moved away after a few years. A few years after that they moved back and he came on staff at our church; we resumed our friendship and enjoyed the added benefit of seeing our sons become best of buddies. A few years after that he moved away again to the pastoral position he now holds.

We stayed at that same church, serving, worshipping, seeking the Lord, right up until last July. Some of you, perhaps most of you, know the rest of the story. All the events of last summer came from our commitment to that family of believers which in turn began with two guys paying us a visit on a Monday night. Would we have still joined that church if they had not come to our house? I don't know. But I do know this: they did. We did. And here we are. Grateful for it all. Yes, grateful. Yes, for it all.

So I was thinking last night how we owe much of where we are today to that Monday night visit. Who could have known all the Lord had for us, for them? Two kids later for us, three kids later for them, we joked last night. But beyond that, I can see the Lord's purposes and plans for us that began with something as seemingly inconsequential as our future friend sitting on our sofa (for hours!) talking to us of the things of the Lord.

Les Miserables, A Reader's Diary

It's time for 5 Minutes for Books' discussion of Les Miserables, our featured title in this month's Classics Bookclub!

For my Les Miserables reading experience, I've adopted Carrie's reading diary format...

2/7, 133 pages read

So far I find the story to be quite compelling and much easier to read than I anticipated. In fact, knowing this to be a translation, I've been pleasantly surpised by the beauty of the languge and expression. Many times I've wanted to jot down a phrase or quote because of its wisdom and beauty. I loved the gentle generousity of the bishop. His act of mercy was both surprising yet completely in character. Fantine's story thus far is heartbreaking, though I suspect Valjean-turned-Madeleine will offer some hope...


2/13, 301 pages read

I'm still loving it. Hugo's description of Madeleine's struggle between self preservation and clear conscience was deeply moving. His sense of justice and right won out, character traits which continue to be evident; even as a prisoner he seeks to save the life of another. I despise the Thernardier's. I wanted to applaud when Valjean finally left with little Cosette! And their narrow escape from Javert's clutches? Very exciting!


2/14, 372 pages read

I am now weary of the sheer length of the book. Less than halfway through! Three books I am DYING to read came in the mail this week so I am all the more impatient. Plus, all this discussion of French war and politics isn't compelling reading, in my opinion. And what about Cosette and Jean in the convent? I'm certain their story and Marius's will criss cross at some point--perhaps sooner rather than later?!


2/20, 616 pages read

I am amazed by all the coincidental events of the story--Thernardier saves Marcus's father (or so Marcus's father believes), the same Thernardier who takes Cosette from Fantine, badly mistreating her before Jean Valjean saves her, the same Cosette Marcus falls in love with! Marcus also happens to rent an apartment next to the Thernardier's, whose eldest daughter happens to beg from Valjean. And then Thernardier's son happens to be the one who breaks him out of jail, not knowing it was his dad until he got there! Who knew France was such a small world? :-)


2/21, 716 pages read

Jean Valjean, what a hero! To refuse to allow Marius to die, despite his hatred and his fear he may lose his dear Cosette to him! To involve himself in a doomed battle! To spare his nemesis Javert! To rescue Marius, wading through sewage and utter darkness and yuck!

Only a little over 100 pages left. I am determined to finish today--if not today then tomorrow!


2/21, ALL pages read!!!

Finis! What an ending! Thernardier the con man til the end and Jean Valjean dying from a broken heart. The final scene so sweet and so sad all at once. And, funny thing, one of my final impressions is frustration with the one dimensional characterization of Cosette. She seemed so spineless, do you agree?

I'm really glad I read it; I'm equally glad to be done!


Synopsis:

I've never seen the movie or the musical nor even heard the soundtrack, much less read the book. Thus, I had no expectations nor any idea of the plot other than it was French and a classic (and long, very long). It is difficult, then, to write an analysis of an 850 page book one has only read once! Themes I noted: Redemption. Mercy. Law. Grace. Escalation of evil. Self sacrifice. Integrity. All of these timeless truths which render the novel relevant and compelling for multiple generations.

As I said, I am glad I read it. I don't know that it will rank among my all time favorites but I did truly love the story (apart from all the political pontification that is!). I would love to see an adaptation--a movie or the musical or both!

See what others thought at the Classics Bookclub link up at 5 Minutes for Books.

Join us next month as we read Around the World in 80 Days!