Spiritual Mothering

Last fall I mentored a sweet, godly young woman. Or, at least that's what she and I both claimed. The truth of the matter is that while we met together and prayed and discussed God's Word, our roles of mentor and mentor-ee weren't so clearly defined. In fact, in some of my more insecure moments, I fear she was greatly disappointed in our presumed mentorship.

Her request for my mentorship came at a strange time in my journey with the Lord. I was reeling from our church split, the effects of which spilled over into nearly every area of my life. Part of the aftershock was an increased sense of insecurity and extreme lack of confidence, at least for me. I knew (I still know) we were following the Lord; I had no doubts of that (still don't). No, my insecurity was of a more personal sort. I guess anonymous letters and comments of a critical nature will do that.

Besides that, I had never mentored nor been mentored. I had no idea what to do or say nor what was expected. I was completely ignorant of all things mentor-y.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this: I stunk at being a mentor and I feel terrible about it. Not to mention convicted. I've read enough of the Bible to know that it is God's plan for the "older women...to teach what is good, and so train the young women...that the word of God may not be reviled." (See the full context at Titus 2:3-5)

I've also come to the realization that, at forty and older than many of my girlfriends at church, I am among the older women Paul is addressing. Whether or not I've had mentoring modeled to me or whether or not I'm drowning in my own insecurity is incidental. I am to mentor. If you are a woman, forty or older, forty or younger, you are as well.

Such is the premise of Susan Hunt's book, Spiritual Mothering: The Titus 2 Model for Women Mentoring Women. Hunt carefully explains the Mandate, the Model and the Method for a mentoring relationship between women. Both practical and encouraging, I was both inspired and convicted as I read of all that mentoring could and should be. Hunt encourages all women to invest themselves in a mentoring relationship with a younger or less mature believer as well as find an older, wiser woman to learn from:

My dear sister in Christ, don't be relationship-poor and deprive yourself of the privilege of spiritually mothering younger women. Your life has great value. Wherever you are on life's time-line, the experiences you have been through and the faith-lessons you have learned are worth perpetuating. Even as you look back and find a younger woman to nurture, I urge you to look ahead and avail yourself of the perspective of an older woman. You will be richer--other women will be encouraged and equipped--God will be glorified--His Word will be honored!

As she encourages we women to serve the Lord by investing ourselves in the lives of our sisters and friends, she asks:

Who is assuming responsibility to transmit Biblical values to these women? What world and life view is being communicated to women today? We hear that this is the decade of women. We must not allow the voices of the world to set the agenda for this decade, nor must we allow those voices to teach women how to be women. Christian women must speak with boldness and clarity about womanhood and must live distinctly Christian lives. Christian women must articulate a Biblical world and life view and the implications of this perspective for women.

As inspiring as that is, honestly, I feel as if I have little to offer. I mean, really, shouldn't a mentor have something to teach? A couple of times in the course of the reading of the book, I wondered as much, particularly as Hunt described a young woman learning from her mentor's "simple, yet nutritious and elegantly-served meals." No such idyllic scenarios here, at mealtime or otherwise.

But I am reminded yet again that investment in another's journey isn't about perfection, the gospel of Lisa (God forbid); it is instead about humbly, joyously serving the One who saved me despite me. It's about proclaiming the gospel in everyday life, doing everything in the name of the Lord Jesus and for His glory. It's about doing life together, real life, the messes, the insecurities, the ordinariness. Not about making me the standard (God help us) but about seeking the Lord Jesus together.

How I long to be found faithful.

You asked; I'm answering--Part One

I asked you to ask, and you girls came through for me, providing me with several posts' worth of blog fodder! So, here goes, the first set of questions and answers (with more fun to come!)

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From Melissa, As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

The first profession I remember aspiring to was a waitress. I informed my dad of this momentous decision at Red Lobster, no doubt inspired by the quality of service provided by our young teenaged waitress. My dad wasted no time informing me that perhaps I could set my goals just a little higher...

I also wanted to be a nurse, this desire fueled by my love for the Clara Barton novels. However, I began to reconsider after nearly throwing up when my mom asked me to salt and pepper some chicken breasts.

As a girl, I also dreamed of being an astronaut and a novelist--but not at the same time. As I grew older, I cared less about the what and more about the image. I really, really wanted to wear power suits, read the Wall Street Journal, and carry a briefcase.

Now, of course, I do none of the above, a prime example of 1 Cor. 2:9

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Among Elle's questions is the following: How did you meet your husband?

My husband and I met in Sunday school. Really. My parents had moved to my husband's hometown in Georgia the summer after our freshman year of college. A couple of summers after their move, my (future) husband and I were both home for the summer, he from Auburn, me from Baylor. He had a girlfriend at the time, one of my sister's good friends, but conveniently enough they decided to "date other people" just in time for him to ask me out before I had to go back to school in Texas.

Here's a story that's always amused me: when he did call with the invitation to dinner and a Braves game, I panicked as I well knew his (former) girlfriend and my sister were such good friends. So I asked him to hold as I raced upstairs to ask my sister's advice--advice consisted of "Go out with him. Just don't tell anybody I said so. And if you don't go out with him, I will!" Actually, my mom and my sister both were (are) great fans of his, warning me "Don't you hurt him, Lisa."

Of course, my mom was over-the-moon thrilled I was going out with a Georgia boy, something she had been praying for quite specifically. For my part, I was a little hesitant, having recently sworn off men in general, deciding they weren't worth the heartache and nor the drama.

But my man, he persevered and won me over, heart and soul. Actually, my soul belongs to Jesus but "heart and soul" sounds far more poetic than just merely saying he won my heart...but you know what I mean.

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Speaking of Texas, Linda wants to know: What you miss about Texas. :-) And what you don't.

It's been decades (literally!) since I've even been to Texas, much less lived there. But, upon reflection, I miss: the bluebonnets. James Avery jewelry stores. The breeze (it may be hot as Hades, but there's always a breeze). What I don't miss: the hot as Hades temps. The flatness. The lack of trees.

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So, there you go. The first installment in the You ask; I'll answer series of posts. Want to ask a question of your own? Ask away and I'll answer (maybe)!

Look for more questions and answers forthcoming...

You ask; I'll answer (maybe)

I'm pausing for just a brief minute or two as I await my oldest son's call informing me basketball practice is over, a mere minute or two to sit in front of the computer screen and try to remember that I do in fact have a blog and that I have in fact, on occasion, posted a blogworthy thought or two.

Evidently I haven't forgotten how to compose really long, convoluted sentences.

So...I'm trying to tiptoe my way back into this blogging deal. It's not so easy, blogger's block being a difficult and persistent hindrance to writing regularly, despite the fact that this is indeed my second post of the day--yes, I do think congratulations are in order!

As a kick start of sorts, I'm going out on a limb here to do something I've seen other bloggers do: I'm inviting your help. Specifically, I'm asking you to ask me, kind of an open mike deal where you, the loyal reader (the few, the proud) determine the topics of future posts. Is there something you've wondered about? Something you'd like to know about me but never asked? Here's your chance; ask away! Ask, and I'll do my best to answer (maybe...subject to my discretion, of course...remember, I have comment moderation enabled!)

So, what do you want to know?

What's On My Nightstand--May

It's that time again, where readers post what they're reading and link up over at 5 Minutes for Books.

I am currently reading...

The Count of Monte Cristo --nearly halfway through the over 1200 pages! Loving it!

How Do I Love Thee?--a novelization of the love story between Elizabeth Barrett Browning and Robert Browning by Nancy Moser, the author of Just Jane which I loved. Watch for a giveaway as part of 5 Minutes for Books Summer Fun Giveaway!

Get Outta My Face!--how to deal with angry teens; great for parents, teachers and youth leaders.

Comforts from the Cross--subtitled Celebrating the Gospel One Day at a Time. Wonderful.

Reading next (perhaps)...

The Disappearance of God, by Al Mohler

Finding an Unseen God, by Alicia Britt Chole

A Shelter in the Time of Storm by Paul David Tripp

Finally Alive by John Piper

Words Unspoken by Elizabeth Musser (fiction)

What are YOU reading? Let us know!

True confessions

~ On my trip to the big city yesterday I did not go to Starbuck's. Not even once.
~ I did, however, manage to go to Target. Twice.
~ One sign of old age maturity: the current fashions are not only unappealing, they look just a little weird.
~ The Target trips notwithstanding, I really went to the big city to go to the doctor for an annual check up.
~ I know that annual check ups are presumably important for health maintenance but can I just say that sitting in a small exam room for over an hour a half waiting to first meet the doctor, having only five copies of various "celebrity" magazines a few months old in said waiting room, only to finally be assured of good health at the end of it all, well, it makes one want to NOT indulge in the annual check up fun? I'm just sayin'...
~ Today I had lunch with my Bible study girlfriends. I love them.
~ Though the hiatus is necessary and good, I will miss meeting together in Bible study this summer.
~ Speaking of summer, it has me stressed.
~ I wish my oldest could drive.
~ Not really but sometimes, especially when the square in the Outlook calendar has so many obligations there's a little down arrow...
~ I've started reading The Count of Monte Cristo. Unabridged. Did you know that's over 1200 pages? I don't know why, I just am.
~ I saw the new Star Trek movie and, excepting about 3 minutes and a couple of choice words, LOVED it.
~ Yes, I am a Trekkie. Old school. Not ashamed to admit it.
~ There are 582 unread posts in my google reader. I'm not sure I will read them all. Have I mentioned the madness that is May?
~ Please don't hate me if I don't read them all.
~ I'm wondering if I will ever blog on a somewhat regular basis again.
~ Or, for that matter, if I will ever compose a post absent of a list and/or bullet points and instead one that contains real ideas and carefully constructed thoughts?
~ My brief respite from the madness that is May is now over. I must dash off to the middle school (for the third time today, but who's counting?).

Friday's Favorites

Well, it's Friday which means Susanne's hosting her Friday Fave Five carnival at her site Living To Tell the Story where participants post their five favorite things of the week. For me, my favorite things about this past week would be...

1. Friday

2. Friday

3. Friday

4. Friday
5. Friday

Oh, I have other favorites too. Like a Friday morning where I did not have to get on makeup and get out the door, the only such morning this week (don't you feel sorry for me). And how especially good the coffee seems to be this particular Friday. And making myself French toast for breakfast in celebration of it being, you know, Friday.

Can you tell it's been a busy week? Well, it's May, what do I expect? Busy, yes, but there really were good things about the week. Open house in my son's classroom. A luncheon honoring volunteers at the elementary school. Getting my hair cut. New shoes. Attending a fundraiser and laughing at the lengths various members of our community will go in order to raise money for the school foundation. Sharing the gospel at the crisis pregnancy center. Finishing up Bible study and experiencing the Lord's gracious condescenion (and, who can get over it?).

But, today, this morning, I am glad for Friday, for the end to a busy week, for the opportunity to drink coffee and take a deep breath, and for a weekend (thus far) free from obligations and commitments.

Happy Friday!

Going and coming

Yesterday I...

• Took the kids to school
• Ran home to put on some makeup
• Went back to the school for a meeting
• Ran home to eat some breakfast and put together my dish for our women's fellowship
• Went back to the school to help sort and count change from the "Penny War"
• Went to my hair cut / colored (priorities, people!)
  
• Came home to eat lunch
• Went to get gas then to the bank and the library
• Picked the kids up from school
• Ran home to sit a little, blog a little, and throw a little supper together
• Picked up #2 son from basketball
• Ran #2 son home so he could grab his music
• Took #2 son to guitar lessons
  
• Ran home to put on a load of laundry and fix supper plates for #3 and 4 sons
• Picked #2 son up from guitar
• Took #2 son home
• Picked #1 son up from football
• Took #1 son home
• Went to the ladies' fellowship at church
  
• Picked up my friend to come over to watch American Idol
• Came home to stay...that is, until it starts all over again...
  

All my running around (literally) reminded me of a post I wrote a year or so ago. So, in honor of my goings and comings, and comings and goings, here's a post from the Lisa writes... archives, circa September 2007...

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A number of years ago, when our firstborn was our only born, we were renting a ninety year old house in a wonderful neighborhood with other older craftsman style homes, wide sidewalks, and the high school just a couple of blocks down the street. Ours was a corner lot, and our neighbors' house to the left of us was only separated from us by their driveway, thus giving us firsthand knowledge of their comings and goings. Which was plenty. They had three children, two of which were school age, although I can't remember how old exactly. What I do remember is my amazement at how often they would pull in the drive, pull out of the drive, pull in, and pull out. Go. Come. Go and come again.

Little did I know.

Little did I know how quickly that stage of my life would pass and that one day--this day--their life would be mine as well. Very often it seems all I do is get in and out of the van. In and out, in and out, go and come, come and go. To school, home from school; to soccer/football/basketball practice, home from soccer/football/basketball practice; to church, home from church. You get the idea.

As a young mom with nowhere to go and no place I needed to be, when my time was my own, dictated only by the needs and whims of my baby boy, I could not conceive of this kind of life, where the calendar is so full one needs a magnifying glass to make out the scribbled obligations in each day's allotted square.

People ask me all the time how I do it. In fact, I often ask myself the same thing. I honestly don't really know, except that I just do. Most days I enjoy it; some days it's overwhelming; some days I just want to run away and hide; some days I wish so badly for those days of observing my neighbors' hectic lifestyle, secretly wondering how and why anyone could live that way.

How do I do it? I generally reply that it's only by God's grace and it is. Our Father knows what I need and He offers grace according to my need. As your days are, so shall your strength be...

I can only depend on His grace, one day at a time. Each day's trouble is sufficient...Give us this day our daily bread...

My life here in this stage is crazy, no doubt about it. It's a whirlwind to be sure. But even in the frenetic, frantic pace I often find myself in, I can know this: His grace is sufficient. And one day, my boys will be grown, this stage will pass as quickly as it came, and I will think, "Little did I know..."

Everything she had

This morning in my Bible reading I read Mark 10:41-44, the account of the widow who, in Jesus' words, gave "everything she had." Tomorrow we conclude our study of Surrender and as I prepare for our discussion I can't help pondering what it means to give everything I have.

I think sometimes I look at the widow of Mark 10 and other believers who likewise have given all for the sake of the gospel and I think to myself that, why sure, of course I'd be willing, you know, if Jesus actually were to ask, but lucky for me He hasn't and then I go about my business carefully protecting and hoarding that which I'm convinced He hasn't asked of me.

The thing is, He has and He does. Not just of me but of all who would claim to follow Him. Oh, I don't mean we are each of us to empty our bank accounts and write the church a big fat check. But perhaps I am. Consider:

Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. (Matt. 10:37-39)

And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will save it. For what does it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses or forfeits himself? (Luke 9:23-25)

Denying myself. Taking up the cross. Daily. Dying to myself. Losing my life to gain Him. See, that's the kind of commitment Jesus demands. This is the kind of surrender that marks the true disciple of Christ: complete and total. Everything she had.

We sometimes view a particular struggle or burden as our given cross to bear. I think Jesus' demand is far more radical than persevering through illness or loving a wayward child. The cross had one connotation to his listeners: death. Just as Paul claimed to be crucified with Christ so too must we die to all that is ours: our agenda, our rights, our dreams, our stuff, our reputation, our children, our homes, our very lives. We are to sacrifice it all, laying it before Him to do with as He pleases.

Seems harsh. It is. Seems difficult and costly. It is. But, like the merchant who sold all he had in order to gain the pearl of great price, we will find that the supreme value of the Treasure far outweighs any sacrifice made to acquire it. As we relinquish all to the good and sovereign King, our testimony becomes that of Paul's:

“But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ, and be found in him…” (Phil. 3:7-8)

Is Jesus the great Treasure of your life? Have you relinquished all in glad surrender before Him? Can He say of you as He said of the widow: she gave everything she had? Do you know the surpassing worth of knowing Jesus? Do you count all else as rubbish so that you may gain Christ?

I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. (Rom. 12:1)

How I long for my testimony to be: she gave everything she had. A living sacrifice offered to my God in view of the glorious grace and abundant mercies He poured out on my behalf at the cross of Christ.

I surrender all. All to Him I owe.

Who is sufficient?

Well, it's Monday and you know that on Mondays my mind tends to dwell on all that I have to do in the coming week, thoughts that generally mark my Monday blogging.

Assuming I actually blog on a Monday.

Or any other weekday for that matter.

This week there is MUCH to be done so there is MUCH on my mind and the temptation to blog about the MUCH there is to do is strong.

Hello, May.

However, I've decided I will spare you a recitation of the MUCH that comprises my "to do" list for the week.

You may thank me in the comments.

Suffice it to say, some of the MUCH that there is to do I actually enjoy, but there is also part of the MUCH that I dread much. This morning as I prayed/worried over my "to do" list, worrying far more than praying, I thought of Paul's question in 2 Cor. 2:16, "Who is sufficient for these things?"

Who is sufficient for teaching Bible study and juggling basketball practices and football spring training and guitar lessons? Who is sufficient for going to this meeting and that meeting and getting the laundry done and the meals cooked? Who is sufficient for remembering who needs what money and who is going on which field trip on which day? Who is sufficient for these things?

Not I.

I am woefully insufficient to do all that is to be done, and as I consider doing them with a cheerful heart absent of grouchiness and stress--well, no way, not in me. My insufficiency in light of this week's obligations overwhelms me to the point that I just want to run away and hide. Sometimes I think I cannot do it, not everything, not this week; can't I resign already?

Who is sufficient? The footnote in my study Bible tells me:

The implied answer is "No one." The work of the gospel (and the Christian life as a whole) can never be carried out on the basis of human ability or by human means...our "sufficiency" comes only from God by means of his grace... (ESV Study Bible)

His grace. His righteousness. His sufficiency.

I can't; so stop trying already.

He can; rest in His all sufficient grace. His power is made perfect in weakness and in "to do" lists humbly surrendered to Him.

Classics Bookclub--The Great Gatsby

I read The Great Gatsby in high school. I had little memory of it other than Robert Redford and the color white and something about a large car, which leads me to assume we must have watched the movie after reading and dissecting the novel.

Thus I had no real preconceived notions other than those vague associations and was a little curious about reading this icon of American literature.

And, now on the flip side, I'm somewhat perplexed as to its iconic status. I know, I know, who am I to critique an American classic like The Great Gatsby--but I have to tell you, though it is a short and therefore not an altogether unpleasant read, I just didn't like it much. Like I told you before, it's not my favorite.

I think part of my lack of enthusiasm is due to the fact that there's no real sympathetic character in the novel, no one likeable. In fact, in my humble opinion, Daisy, Gatsby and nearly everyone else are downright pathetic. The narrator, Nick, is, I suppose, likeable enough, but to me he seemed aloof, set apart from the story, his role as observer intentional I imagine.

Perhaps Gatsby's longevity is due to its portrayal of emptiness in the midst of decadence. And Fitzgerald's depiction of life in the 20's is every bit as decadent and reckless as one might imagine. Daisy and Gatsby both had every material object they could desire yet their misery is both acute and pitiful. I expected a story of thwarted love; instead The Great Gatsby underscores the empty (and tragic) pursuit of pleasure despite the highest degree of wealth and excess--a truth worth remembering.

Status Report, May

Sitting...at my dining room table.

Considering...sitting outside on the back porch but with all the rain we've had over the weekend, I imagine it's pretty damp. Hence my usual position.

Drinking...coffee, black.

Wondering...if I have any status to report.

Reading...a lot. Titles I've recently completed include: The Help (wonderful!), Dough: A Memoir, Every Secret Thing, The Great Gatsby (not my favorite), The Bookends of the Christian Life (also wonderful!).

Needing...to write up some reviews for 5 Minutes for Books. Obviously my writer's block isn't limited to my personal blog but pervades all writing responsibilities. I don't even reply to email! :-)

Dreading...the busyness that is May.

Weary...of the (seeming) sameness of my life. Wake up, shuttle kids, do laundry, shuttle kids, go to bed. Same dirty house, same melancholy tendencies. Same battles, same defeats.

Thinking...I am far too funk-y and melancholy to be attempting a blog post.

Changing...the subject.

Amazed...by my number one son's cycling skills. I think I told you about being so nervous watching him race grown men a couple of weeks ago? This past weekend I watched him race in a MONSOON, praying against a crash (did I mention the MONSOON?), holding my breath as he sprinted for fourth. Seems like yesterday he was hurtling his Fisher Price trike as fast as it would go down the hill on our street.

Intending...for number two son to sort through his clothes today and numbers three and four to clean the disaster area that is their room.

Bracing...for much wailing and gnashing of teeth this afternoon.

Wanting...to grow my hair longer but also wanting it cut. Maybe a trim will help?

Compiling...a (mental) list of the things I could blog about but probably won't (did I mention blogger's block?). Things like watching a cycling race in a MONSOON. How my field trips fared (and how much I rejoice that my field trip days are numbered, yes and amen). About the Lord teaching me yet again that He is glorified in the small, the simple, the mundane and the ordinary, if it is done in His name and for the sake of His Son. How grateful I am for my Bible study group and how much I will miss it when we go on break this summer. About realizing the stranglehold of condemnation and struggling to remember that the righteousness of Christ has set me free.

Convicted...of (choose one or more of the following) self pity, resentment, laziness, jealousy, selfishness, yelling, self preoccupation...I could go on. But I won't.

Rejoicing...that that it is the kindness of the Holy Spirit that leads me to repentance! Those God loves He disciplines...

Thankful...for the emails and comments from friends and fellow bloggers curious about my recent hiatus. It's nice to be missed.

Hoping...to return to (some semblance of) regularly scheduled blogging and soon.