Today is no different

This morning my Bible study friends and I will conclude our study of Holiness. Longtime readers of Lisa writes... will know that I am always sentimental when it comes to the close of a unit of study and generally end up waxing philosophical here on my site.

Today is no different. Today I wonder as I do at the conclusion of any study: did I learn anything? Am I different? Did I cooperate with the Spirit of God as He works in me the process of sanctification? Did I resist His conviction? Did our time together count for eternity? Was I an encouragement to my fellow Bible students? Did I make the best use of our time? Was I faithful to handle the Word of God correctly? Did I waste the precious privilege granted to those who presume to sit in the teacher's chair?

I don't know. Only eternity and faithful conviction of the Spirit can tell. I will say that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it has been, as it always has been, my earnest desire to know Christ through the study of God's Word and to come alongside my sisters and friends who join me in the pursuit. The One who calls us is faithful; as we seek Him with our whole heart, we will find Him! Amazing grace!

In her book Holiness, Nancy Leigh Demoss concludes with the following questions. I found them both convicting and sobering...

Where are the men and women who love God supremely and who fear nothing and no one but God? Where are the saints who live like saints--whose lives are above reproach in every matter--in their homes, their work, their speech, their habits, their attitudes, their finances, and their relationships?

Where are the believers whose eyes are filled with tears, whose hearts ache when they see an unholy church partying and entertaining herself to death, and whose knees are sore from pleading with God to grant the gift of repentance?

Where are the Christian leaders with the compassion and courage to call the church to be clean before God? Where are the moms and dads and young people who are willing to deal thoroughly and decisively with everything that is unholy in their hearts and their homes?

The church has been waiting for the world to get right with God. When will we realize that the world is waiting for the church to get right with God?

And, further,

How I look forward to that day when you and I, along with all the other saints from all ages, walk together down that aisle toward our Beloved Bridegroom. I want to face Him with joy--radiant, unashamed, 'dressed in His righteousness alone, faultless to stand before the throne.'

Are you ready for the Wedding? If not, what would have to do to get ready? Is there a sin you need to confess and forsake? Is there a habit you need to give up--or cultivate? Is there a relationship you need to break off--or reconcile? Are there items in your possession you need to get rid of? Are there debts you need to pay? Are there people whose forgiveness you need to seek? Is there restitution you need to make?

Whatever it is, for Jesus' sake, for the world's sake, for His body's sake, for your family's sake, for your sake--do it. By His grace and the power of His Holy Spirit--do it.

Here I am, Lord. For Your glory and Yours alone.

Classics Bookclub

5 Minutes for Books is hosting a "New" Classics Bookclub for 2010 whereby participants choose their own classics to read and link up their thoughts and reviews on a quarterly basis. Well, it's the end of the first quarter and time to report on our classics progress!

At the start of the New Year, I identified the following titles as my goal for reading the classics:

Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan

The Three Musketeers by Dumas

The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne

I read both The Three Musketeers and The Scarlet Letter. Two out of three isn't bad! Here is a short synopsis of my thoughts concerning each:

The Scarlet Letter: I read this novel at some point in my middle school or high school career. I really didn't remember much (a span of a couple of decades or more will do that) so I approached the re-read with no preconceived notions. I liked the book okay; I really liked the contrast drawn between open acknowledgement of wrong and the misery and lies of hidden sin. I couldn't help but think of Ps. 32:

Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.
Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity,
and in whose spirit there is no deceit.
For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.

Hawthorne certainly draws a picture of the wasting away that comes from keeping silent! Overall, though, I thought there was so little action that the reading grew almost tedious, a little surprising given the short length of the book.

The Three Musketeers: Y'all know I loved The Count of Monte Cristo so I was really excited about reading another of Dumas' novels. I liked the Musketeers but I didn't just love them, not like the Count. The story itself wasn't exactly what I thought it would be but really, all I knew of the Musketeers came from the Mickey Mouse version. Dumas' Musketeers are courageous to the point of reckless and that same recklessness evidences itself in various dalliances with the ladies, most of whom are married! There is adventure and duels and intrigue and much "swashbuckling" (whatever that is!). I did like it but it didn't supersede The Count in my estimation.

I certainly plan to continue reading the classics! Next on my list:

Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan and The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton. Next quarter we'll see how far I get!

Did you read any classics this quarter? Link up your thoughts over at 5 Minutes for Books! Want to join us? It's not too late! Go see what classics others are reading and maybe you'll find one you want to read for our next installation in the Classics Bookclub!

On Mission in Nicaragua: Wednesday

A continuation of my experiences in Nicaragua and as usual I do not know how to tell my story with an economy of words...

Just as I had done on Monday night, I took questions after each of the Tuesday night sessions of our women’s conference. I wish I could remember all that the ladies asked me; I do remember them asking how long I’d taught women, how to best discipline a child when the husband isn’t engaged in the discipline process, and whether I had copies of my notes to give them. That last question drew a great deal of embarrassment on my part; I really intended to have some handouts translated for them but in the craziness that marked the week prior to my leaving for Nicaragua, well, I never got around to it. I felt terrible. And rightfully so.

I was also asked about women’s roles and whether the wife really had to submit to her husband. My answer: yes, she does. As I attempted to explain and defend Biblical womanhood, asserting that though men and women were equal they had differing and complementary roles, I was met with some skepticism and the usual circumstantial “what if…” sorts of questions. Additionally, some of the ladies at the conference wanted to know if I taught men (no) and why I did not. Some asked about divorce and remarriage and the Biblical grounds for each.

Intense stuff. I loved it though because 1) it meant they realized God’s Word is intended to be lived out and obeyed in every area of our lives and 2) it showed me that a woman’s concern for her husband and children is universal. We’re all women; we all love our families; we all want to be good stewards of our roles as wives and moms.

Given the complexity and sheer number of questions I was getting concerning divorce and remarriage and given my lack of preparedness to adequately give a complete explanation, I emailed my husband that night asking him to see if our family pastor could email me his notes from a series of Sunday School lessons he recently taught on that very subject. My plan was to take our second session on Wednesday night and teach on God’s design for marriage and what the Bible had to say about divorce and remarriage.

Interestingly enough, when our pastor sent me the notes he told me that Eric, our team leader teaching the men’s and pastor’s conferences, had emailed him asking for the same notes! Turns out this issue was of number one priority to the pastors meeting with Eric and David. Eric planned to address it Wednesday morning when they met with the area pastors.

Turns out it was number one priority to their wives on Wednesday morning as well. Julie presented a wonderful crash course in evangelism after which Amy and I again asked the ladies what was on their minds and hearts. I think we were both unprepared for the intensity of the women’s concerns! They honestly wanted to know how God’s Word addressed a specific situation concerning a couple in their church; yet with so many women talking at once, and through a translator at that, Amy and I were both confused and uneasy about making a definitive statement regarding what may or may not be the correct course of action.

I deflected as much as I could--I hadn't read through my pastor's notes yet! Divorce and remarriage are tough issues for the church even in the States, I told them. Theologians have studied and debated and have yet to reach a consensus. So much depends on the circumstance and the hearts and motivations of those involved. In many cases there is no hard and fast rule. “Your husbands are discussing this very thing,” I asserted. “Listen to your pastors and elders. Respect their authority. Abide by their decision.”

Well, it got a little frantic (you know how women are when they get something on their mind). I finally went for help, interrupting the pastoral discussion to ask Eric or David to talk to the women. David told the ladies essentially the same thing Amy and I did but it sounds better coming from a man, which may have been the point all along. I loved that they so wanted to be obedient and firmly believed God's way was the best way. It was determining God's way that proved difficult! One sweet older lady just smiled at me and patted her Bible each time the discussion grew especially earnest. I think they appreciated David's counsel. I know I did!

Wednesday night’s sessions were on Holiness. I was woefully ill prepared (due to the aforementioned craziness that was my life just prior to leaving for Nicaragua). I spent Wednesday afternoon in frantic mode, madly scribbling out notes for the evening’s teaching. And can I just say that lesson prep is SO MUCH easier via keyboard than pen and paper?

We were told not to expect as many women as we had on Tuesday since Tuesday was the regular church night. They were wrong. It was standing room only again, and once again the men had to bring in chairs and benches. So many women! What a privilege to encourage them with God’s Word!

After the incredible, amazing evening we had together in the study of God’s Word on Tuesday, Wednesday night we crashed and burned. Or, rather, I crashed and burned. I wasn’t prepared (my fault) and it showed. We couldn’t get a rhythm, Maricela and I, and for whatever reason the whole session fell flat.

Part of me was so disappointed to end on such a down note in my estimation. Really, though, I am glad for those less-than-stellar experiences where I end up more on a low than a high. I don’t like it necessarily but I can be glad for it because it reminds me that it is the Lord’s work and not my own. He grants the increase of any seed sown, not I and certainly not my eloquence or passion or wise and persuasive words. I think of Paul’s assertion to the Corinthians that he did not come to them with lofty speech or wisdom but rather in weakness and fear and much trembling (hello, I can so relate); he wanted his message to be a demonstration of the Spirit and of power in order that the Corinthians’ faith might not rest in the wisdom or eloquence of man but in the power of God. Yes and amen. May it be so in me as well…

On our way to the conference, Eric suggested the women join the men for the second session. So at the conclusion of Eric’s sermon, the pastor invited our whole team, men and women, to the front of the church. He asked for words of testimony from the conference attendees; one of the men spoke but the women were shy and none stepped up except for the pastor’s wife. Through the translator she thanked me for my teaching, teaching that was “different.” Different is good, right? And her summary of what I taught the ladies? To submit to their husbands!

I told Amy later: days and days of preparation (not enough however), 5 hours of teaching on the call of Christ to Surrender, Brokenness and Holiness, and what do they remember? My answer to submit to their husbands during the question and answer time! Hello, humility!

I don’t mind, really. If that is their takeaway then it is a good one indeed.

The pastor then prayed for us and the conference, the mission we came to do, it was over. Before leaving the church, most of the 50 or so women in attendance shook my hand, kissed me on the cheek, or hugged me. “The Lord bless you,” they told me through Maricela. I attempted the blessing in return though I never could remember the Spanish phrase. “Come back to us,” they implored. “Pray for us. Do not forget us.”

How could I forget?

I will not.

Indeed, I can not.



*************************
Other posts in this series:
Maybe I Will Dance
Home
It was good...
Our Arrival
Nuevo Guinea
Monday
Tuesday

True Woman '10

We had a great time at True Woman '10. It was an intense time of learning and listening. In other words, there is much to process! The women's conference in Nicaragua notwithstanding, it had been several years since I'd attended a women's conference like True Woman. I've attended many (many!) conferences over the years and I think I suffered from women's conference burnout (with a slight case of disillusionment on the side). I discovered there are things I like about women's conferences and there are things I still don't.

Things I like about conferences: the excitement and anticipation, the coming together of so many women so different and yet so much the same, the sense of unity and commonality because of our sisterhood in Christ, the dynamic worship music, the passionate proclamation of the Word (when and if it is part of the conference!). Things I don't like: the crowds, standing in the line for the bathroom, the crowds, the sometimes prevalent emphasis on emotion and self and not so much on the gospel and the Word of God.

I expected True Woman to be unlike conferences I've attended in the past and I was right. In fact, the schedule was so packed and so intense that by Friday night I reached the saturation point. Brain dead. Mentally (and physically) exhausted. Despite my mental exhaustion, I did learn some important things and was reminded of other important things. Here are some of the things I learned (in no specific order):

• I love hanging out with my girlfriends, true women in their own right


• The importance and benefit of mentoring


• When conference materials recommend to dress in layers because some venues may be cool, they really mean for you to bring a heavy coat and a blanket otherwise you will be miserable. Just sayin'...


• Irish pipes are cool and an Irish brogue fun to listen to


• Hospitality doesn't mean a perfect house but it does build relationships and foster communion and camaraderie. My resentment toward practicing hospitality is sin, plain and simple


• I love my church (okay, I already knew this so didn't technically learn it this weekend but I was reminded yet again of how grateful I am for my church family)


• I love hearing the Bible exposited (already knew this too)


• I am sometimes cynical and overly critical, and even though I am uncomfortable with a watch dog role I can't help myself


• I have much to learn and apply in regard to practicing authentic Biblical womanhood


• Panera Bread = yummy. Their coffee = wonderful!


• My favorite sessions were ones in which the Word was exposited and the gospel heralded (and yeah, I already knew this as well but also was reminded of it yet again).

So, yeah, it was a good weekend. As I tweeted upon my return home, we laughed much, slept little, talked long and learned lots. I have been inspired and challenged by the call to true womanhood, most particularly in terms of seeking out mentoring relationships both as a mentor and a mentoree, something I attempt but have no idea what I'm doing. I want to be a better mentor. I want to be mentored. Hospitality is something else I attempt, however reluctantly, and something else I want to be better at. I also feel the need to downsize some of my obligations and responsibilities in order to be more intentional with my time and ministry to my family and my home as well as to other women. How that needs to play out, I don't know, but it's something I'm seeking the Lord for wisdom and direction.

Much to ponder, much to pray over, much to repent of, much to thank the Lord for, much to learn and apply. I am full with the "much" the Lord granted us this weekend. He is good!

Real life

My poor blog. It gets so little attention from its author these days. I had fully intended to not only finally put to the keyboard the posts that have been rattling around in my head but to even set up for myself a posting schedule of sorts. In other words, I was hoping this week would mark a return to more consistent posting.

Not so fast, my friend.

Real life has intruded and instead of spending my day today thinking and typing I must instead tend to the demands of home and family. Which is as it should be. Though I may wish for ME time to be spent doing what ME the blogger wants to do, it is right and good and necessary that I spend it doing what me the wife and mom and keeper of the home ought to be doing. Being busy at home, whether I like it or dread it, is the call of God on my life. I am to work heartily, as for the Lord, because it is the Lord Jesus I am serving. Yes, even as I mop and scrub toilets and clean out closets, I am serving with Lord with gladness, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

Tomorrow, just like I did last Wednesday two weeks ago, I plan to post links to some of the posts I've enjoyed reading over the past week. Thursday through Saturday I will be at the True Woman Conference and I am so excited! In the past, the True Woman people have streamed the conference online; check out the website to see if maybe you can join us virtually for some great teaching!

After that, I really hope to return to some form of regularly scheduled programming here at the blog. In the meantime, I ran across this quote printed off someone's blog I think. Anyway, it reminds me to live today the life God is sending me...

The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one's own or real life. The truth is, of course, that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one's real life--the life God is sending one day by day. ~ C. S. Lewis

Happy Tuesday, friends!

The Week in Words, 3.22.10

My first two quotes today are long and a little difficult (at least for me) but directly applicable to some things I've thinking about and pondering this week...

From Let the Reader Understand by McCartney and Clayton,

The ethicality of interpretation is supremely important when it comes to interpreting the Bible. The Scriptures repeatedly warn that wrong thinking is ethically and morally evil, and ineluctably leads to more evil and less understanding. Thus, misinterpreting the Bible is sin. Since the Bible frequently addresses questions of behavioral morality, misunderstanding can lead to incorrect behavior and thus more sin. Further, since the Bible's subject matter directly addresses our behavior, our interpretation is bound to be heavily influenced by our attempts to justify ourselves. Finally, biblical interpretation touches directly on questions of truth, and truth and ethics are inseparable. A false interpretation of a true statement is a lie, and lies are evil. A false interpretation of a true statement that is a matter of life and death is therefore a great evil. The Bible even declares that a lie told by the Serpent was the sin that perpetrated the fall of man (Gen. 3), and Jesus castigates the devil as "the father of lies" (John 8:44). Bad interpretation is bad.

Further,

Interpretation would not be a problem for us, were it not for our sin. False interpretations are sinful and are generated by sin. But as we say this, we also reemphasize that an interpretation different from our own may not be sinful; it might be our interpretation that is sinful...

In other words, recognition of the problem of sin in interpretation should produce a deep humility about our own interpretations and a recognition of our need continually to repent of the sinfulness that we may not even recognize in our interpretive endeavors. Perhaps this is why James warns teachers so harshly in James 3:1. When one teaches, one passes on one's interpretations, and the falsity within those interpretations is perpetuated. However, humility should not lead to inaction. To withhold the truth also brings judgment, for "where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint" (Prov. 29:18), and "my people go into exile for want of knowledge" (Isa. 5:13). God's people yearn for revealed truth, and if this yearning is not satisfied, they may accept its counterfeit. Fortunately God is gracious and has provided a sacrifice for all our sins, even our sinful misinterpretations.

And, from The Valley of Vision,

O Father, thou has loved me and sent Jesus to redeem me;
O Jesus, thou hast loved me and assumed my nature,
shed thine own blood to wash away my sins,
wrought righteousness to cover my unworthiness;
O Holy Spirit, thou hast loved me and entered my heart,
implanted there eternal life,
revealed to me the glories of Jesus.
Three Persons and one God, I bless and praise thee,
for love so unmerited, so unspeakable, so wondrous,
so mighty to save the lost and raise them to glory.

The Week in Words is a weekly carnival hosted by my dear friend Melissa at Breath of Life. Participants can post quotes and excerpts from anything they've read that week, from the Bible to books to magazine articles to blog posts. Want to join along? Link up your week in words at Melissa's site!

My friend Julie at Pragmatic Compendium also collects quotes. Check out her "therefore I quote" posts on Thursdays!

Spring Reading Thing '10

My internet friend Katrina of Callapidder Days hosts the Spring Reading Thing, a reading challenge where we the participants post a list of the books we hope to read through the next three months (Spring, as it were). At the end of the challenge, we then post a synopsis (or confessional) of what we read and didn't, what we liked and didn't.

I've participated in most of Katrina's Spring Reading Things (and its sister, Fall Reading Thing, which takes place each September appropriately enough) ever since I was a newbie blogger. It's lots of fun to see what others are reading; plus Katrina has prizes and giveaways! So, in the name of nostalgia and fun, friendship and books, here are my personal reading goals for this Spring:

NONFICTION
Let the Reader Understand: A Guide to Interpreting and Applying the Bible by McCartney and Clayton (currently reading)
When People are Big and God is Small: Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency and the Fear of Man by Welch (currently reading)
Spiritual Depression: Its Causes and Cures by Lloyd-Jones
Evangelism and the Sovereignty of God by Packer
A Chance to Die: The Life and Legacy of Amy Carmichael by Elliott

FICTION/MEMOIR
Home by Robinson
Hotel on the Corner and Bitter and Sweet by Ford
Same Kind of Different as Me by Hall and Moore
The Age of Innocence by Wharton

It's a pretty ambitious list, particularly given the fact that I have a stack of books to be read and reviewed for 5 Minutes for Books! The good thing is, there is no penalty for not meeting your goals; you even have the prerogative to change your mind! Interested in joining the fun? Check out all the details at Katrina's!

Happy Spring Reading!

On Mission in Nicaragua: Tuesday

As I shared in my previous post, I am surprised by how long it has taken me to write these recaps as well as how long the recaps themselves are! While I suspect that the main benefit of writing down my remembrances belongs solely to me, I've decided that no matter how long it takes, time wise and word wise, I am glad for the exercise. Reflecting and remembering are powerful; my faith is built as I meditate on the Lord's faithfulness then and now. Struggling to find words to adequately convey the experience will be, I hope, an Ebenezer stone of sorts, a testimony to the great things the Lord has done. Great is His faithfulness!

I awoke early that Tuesday morning, our first morning in Nuevo Guinea, and headed down to the lobby for some caffeine and some WiFi. Scoring on both counts, I emailed my husband:

I miss you!

Sitting in lobby drinking a glass pepsi. Headache since Monday.
Meeting with some pastor's wives this morning then door to door this
afternoon. Conference again tonight. Went ok last night. Very hard to
speak with translator! Counseled with a woman after. All women sweet
and eager to learn.

Miss home. No hot water after all

miss you and boys love you so much

After drinking the Pepsi, I discovered the aforementioned coffee that was almost but not quite (i.e. instant). I drank it anyway.

That morning the two men on our team, Eric and David, had arranged to meet with area pastors in a mini-pastor's conference of sorts. Amy and I, along with Julie, the photographer extraordinaire on our team, were to meet with their wives and other women's ministry leaders. "Just pour into them and encourage them," we were told, "from 9 to 12." You have to know: Amy and I are cut from similar cloth. Small talk, in translated Spanish or English, doesn't come easily to us. To say we were intimidated and nervous would probably be an understatement. I know I was. Three hours? What could we talk about for three hours?

Well, it turns out I needn't have worried. Of course the Lord was faithful and Amy, a pastor's wife herself, was amazing. And the women themselves were so open and honest that it was refreshingly easy to chat and converse. Amy asked them first to tell us their names and how long they and their husbands had been in ministry. There were maybe ten or twelve women with ministry experience ranging from one or two years to twenty or more. We asked them to share about the struggles and difficulties they were facing. We talked about raising kids, wayward children, and the expectations and criticisms that accompany leadership. Some wept; some boasted in the Lord; all were genuine. There was no pretense. Just us women. I was struck by the similarities we share. Certainly language was a barrier; our love for Jesus and our desire to serve Him was not.

Amy encouraged the women to meet together on a regular basis, to pray together, to talk together as we were doing, to study God's Word together. I've often wondered if they are, if our meetings on that Tuesday and Wednesday planted in them a seed, a desire for accountability and community. Maybe so.

We met in the front of the hotel with a direct view of the street. One of the young wives had her baby with her and it was my pleasure and privilege to give her a break and hold him myself. I bounced him around the lobby, sometimes looking out down the street, watching the school children in their blue and white uniforms walking to and from school. We would see chickens grazing in the street, a large tour bus rambling past, motorcycles and the occasional car whizzing by. Just as common would be a man on horseback leading a pack mule. We even watched a rider gallop by holding a lasso. In town!

I don't know how much we actually saw of Nuevo Guinea the town. It didn't seem very large to me. Cars, trucks, and motorcycles were common but it was my impression that most people walked. There was one paved road that I saw, one cobblestone, most were dirt and gravel with deep ruts that forced us to hold on tight as our van bounced and careened its way across. Horses, chickens and other livestock were also common. I woke up to a rooster crowing every morning! I liked seeing the school children; the girls in white shirts and blue skirts, hair carefully slicked back into braids or ponytails, the boys in blue pants, white shirts carefully tucked in unless they were headed home, in which case the shirt was often unbuttoned, shirttail flying. I saw one boy, maybe ten or twelve years old, walking home from school dribbling a basketball. A basketball was such an anomaly, or so it seemed to me in my limited experience in the country, that I tried to take his picture. Sadly, I couldn't get the shot.

Our meeting with the pastor's wives went well. Really well. Afterwards, we went to eat at the restaurant and this time I ordered grilled chicken with a jalapeno and onion sauce along with the ever present rice and beans and french fries. And a coke. It was delicious, again. After lunch instead of going door to door, we visited a potential site for a Bible institute and then returned to the hotel to rest before the conference that night.

That night I taught on the call of Christ to surrender all in order to follow Him. I have no words to describe the evening. It was powerful. It was amazing. It was profound. It was Spirit-filled and Spirit-led and so far beyond me that, well, words fail...

When we began teaching, my translator and I, there were maybe twenty women there. More came. We filled all available seats. More came. We stopped teaching while the pastor of the church and a couple of other men brought in some chairs. More came. We stopped again while the men maneuvered in a bench from the sanctuary space. More came. Stopped again for another bench to be brought in. And another. Amy and Julie sat outside. Inside it was literally shoulder to shoulder and HOT. Amy told me later she counted close to sixty women.

Each night, I told the ladies that it was my desire that they become women who know and love God's Word. That night, Tuesday night, was no different as I pleaded with them to find in Christ the joy and Treasure of their lives. Sweat rolled down our backs as the fiery passion of the Lord beat in our hearts. We read of the pearl of great price and with boldness and a heart breaking with love for my Savior, I begged them to see the surpassing worth of Christ. He is worth it! Whatever sacrifice He asks, we can count the cost and lay down our lives with JOY because we love Him, because He is the great reward. His call to die to self, to take up our cross, to follow Him--there is nothing easy about it. It is hard and the price is steep. He asks for everything! But when we see His mercies to us despite our sin, we gladly, joyfully, unreservedly lay ourselves down as living sacrifices for His glory...

Afterwards, one of the women thanked me for "that preaching." Yeah, I guess you could say it was intense. I can't explain it. Maybe it was the heat, maybe it was the sheer number of women. I tend to think it was the fiery sword of the Spirit, the living Word of God piercing, dividing, accomplishing His purposes, and bringing glory to the Son through the proclamation of His saving grace! I can't understand it. I don't understand it. I don't understand His ways. I don't understand why He would allow me and Maricela, my translator, the privilege of being His ambassadors of reconciliation. That Tuesday night was one of the most intense and profound and humbling teaching opportunities I've ever experienced. To God be the glory; great things He has done.

I was drained. Give out. Exhausted. Nearly a zombie. Yet so full, filled to overflow with the confident joy that follows seeing the Lord's goodness in such intensity. Our high remained undaunted even when a careless comment threatened to steal our joy. Once back at the hotel, we laughed, we rejoiced, we ate trail mix, we discovered we could get a fairly consistent WiFi connection on the rail outside our hotel room. We sent emails, we wondered why my husband was asking about Clare being Jack's sister (LOST), we were thankful for it all.

It was good.

[gallery columns="2"]

Other posts in this series:
Maybe I Will Dance
Home
It was good...
Our Arrival
Nuevo Guinea
Monday

Random Ruminations

1. I am surprised by how long it is taking me to write about my trip to Nicaragua. We've been back a month and I've only posted about two of the eight days we were there! And when I do finally sit down to write about it, I am surprised by just how many words it takes me to write about it. The posts are few but they are l o n g...

2. I am weary of fighting the good fight that comprises being a mom to two teenagers and a preteen (and a tween also, but I think he still likes me). It's as if a perpetual cloud of grouchiness has descended on our home, myself included. It is tiring.

3. It is spring break this week. Not only are we grouchy, but we are grouchy together. All week long.

4. For some reason, I always feel like spring break should be spent in the accomplishment of major projects around the house. Why that is, I have no idea. The strange thing is, I always feel like I should but I never really do. This week, however, I'd hoped to at least clean out the cabinets, a project I started Monday but haven't completed. Yet.

5. Possibly related to #2 above: I need to see some sunshine. This gray-ness is getting to me! I don't mind the cold, but the sun? I need it!

6. Possibly related to #2 and 3 above: I feel like I've been moving in slow motion! The time change, the gray and dreary weather, the grouchy teenagers, all contribute to a lethargy that is difficult to overcome. Today, however, I am determined. I will get the grocery shopping done and I will clean out more cabinets. That, or sit on the sofa and read a book. It's a toss up at this point.

7. Definitely related to all of the above: "May you be strengthened with all power, according to his glorious might, for all endurance and patience WITH JOY..." (Col. 1:11) Yes, Lord! Grant me Your strength and Your power so that I may persevere in joy, overflowing with gratitude for Your grace and mercy!

The Week in Words, 3.15.10

From Dug Down Deep by Joshua Harris:

Sound doctrine is so important. But we can never settle for merely knowing doctrine. God has given us his Holy Spirit, and he invites us to ask to be continually filled with his Spirit afresh so that doctrine becomes the living story of God's great love for us. So that it melts our hearts. So that this truth sets us on fire with love for the Savior who loved us first. The glorious truth of God's love for us in the giving of his Son isn't something we can grasp through mere knowledge or bigger books. We need the power of God's Holy Spirit to give us "strength to comprehend" how big and wide and deep God's love for us is (Ephesians 3:18-19).

More,

The point of a spotlight is not to stand in front of it and stare into its bright light (that would blind you). A spotlight is useful only when it's pointed at others, enabling us to see them more clearly. And that's what the Spirit does. That's the most loving, powerful thing he can do in our lives--help us to see and treasure Jesus Christ.

You know the Spirit is working if you're more amazed by Jesus, more desirous to serve and obey him, more ready to tell other people about him, more ready to serve the church he loves.

And, finally,

Life and doctrine can't be separated. Our lives either put the beauty of God's truth on display, or they obscure it.

The Week in Words is a weekly carnival hosted by Melissa at Breath Life. Participants post a quote or multiple quotes drawn from something (or multiple somethings) they've read the past week: books, the Bible, magazines, blogs, etc. You can read others' Week in Words over at Melissa's site.

Linkworthy

Some posts I've enjoyed recently:

An interview with Nancy Guthrie on Suffering. We recently completed Nancy's Hoping for Something Better in our ladies' Bible study group so I was intrigued by this interview with Justin Taylor. Her story is compelling and her faith encouraging.

From master blogger Tim Challies: "Every Christian needs not only to own up to his sinful acts, but to admit that he is fundamentally a sinner who is deserving of God’s wrath. No one has properly apprehended God’s grace until he has understood his own sinfulness and knows that he fully deserves God’s just and holy punishment. The evangelical church of our day tends to be a wrathless church—a church that speaks often of God’s love and grace, but rarely of the deepest necessity of this love and grace." in Real Guilt and Sinfulness

Also from Challies: "Once you’ve been exposed to doctrine you see the richness in it for your own soul and you truly are ruined for anything else. Just as a young child craves solid food, Christians will and must crave the meat of the Word." in Ruined for Anything Else

Because I'm always interested in what people are reading (and correspondingly always eager for recommendations), here's a list of books being read by the folks at Desiring God.

I can totally relate to this post from Wendy at Practical Theology for Women when she writes: "Malaise. A vague sense of uneasiness and discontent that colors my responses to everything. It's not PMS. I can't attach it to any particular negative circumstnace. I can’t lift it myself. I can’t tweak my appearance, cross off enough things from my To Do list, or eat, exercise, and sleep enough to lift it. I know as a Christian where I need to go to address it. Yet, even knowing the right answers, there remains a gulf between my reality and my ideals. "

Other favorites:
My Heart is a Horror Movie from Irish Calvinist
What Is Revival? from Justin Taylor

And, my dear friend in real life Cindi reflects on letting go.

What about you? Any posts you would recommend?

Hope

Volunteering at our local pregnancy center is one of the highlights of my week. I love it. I love serving our clients, helping to meet their needs, and sharing the love of Jesus in tangible ways. I love telling them of His love and mercy found in the cross and the salvation He offers.

I also love spending my Wednesdays with my fellow volunteers. These women, my friends and sisters in the Lord, are serious about following Christ. They earnestly desire to bring glory to God not just through their work at the center but in all things. I love being around them. I love their passion. I love the godly examples they are to me. I love that we are friends. I love the easy camaraderie we share. I love those ladies!

One of my friends from the center underwent a very serious medical procedure several months ago. There was risk, as with all medical procedures, but this one in particular carried the potential for very serious implications if all did not go as planned. The day she returned to the center was a day of great celebration! I will never forget our giddy joy as we ordered in lunch and sat at the table in the office, eating, drinking, celebrating together. It was a great day of rejoicing in the Lord's goodness and faithfulness, one I will always remember. The Lord is good! His mercies endure forever!

Last week we received news that another of our group is facing a serious diagnosis. Cancer. It doesn't look good. Our hearts are broken. She is courageous and has testified that she only wants the Lord to be glorified. We are praying against this horrible disease, we are pleading for her life, and we are believing God to grant her peace and strength. We want her to return to us, healthy and whole, not just for us but for her husband, her daughters, her granddaughter. We want another celebration, another meal in which we boast in the Lord's goodness and revel in His joy. For this we pray even as we trust the Lord and His good, acceptable and perfect will.

I am so grateful for my friend's faith and for her determination to honor the Lord no matter what. I am also thankful that because of Jesus we have hope: hope that all things work together for our good, hope that nothing comes to us apart from His sovereign will, hope that whatever He asks of us, whatever comes to us, it is keeping with His purposes and His plan, hope that this world is not all we have, hope in the glory of Jesus.

Our hope is not wishing for something that may or may not happen. Hope will not disappoint, that He promises us. Because of our faith in Christ, our hope is a confident expectation. We know. We will celebrate together. Perhaps around the table at the center eating lunch out of styrofoam containers--(Oh, yes, Lord, may it be)--or perhaps at the banquet table to come, when all the saints of God gather for that eternal, glorious celebration of the Lord's glory! What joy we will know then!

My friend's hope lies with Christ. She trusts Him. I am so grateful that her hope is not merely for this life only! One day faith will be sight and we will behold Him, our blessed hope, the eternal Son of God!

Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope. Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us. Rom. 5:1-5

I know that my friend's situation is not unique. It seems as if there are many, acquaintances and family both, who are suffering heartache and pain. Some are enduring great loss. Some are facing an uncertain future. For us all, our only hope is Christ. He alone sustains. Seek Him. Trust Him. The Lord is good! His mercies endure forever!

On Mission in Nicaragua: Monday

When we arrived in Nuevo Guinea that Monday morning, we were greeted with a slight change of plans. Rather than the women's conference being held in the afternoon, it would be in the evening, concurrent with the men's conference. We would instead spend the afternoon going door to door, doing evangelism, passing out tracts and inviting people to come to the conferences.

So, after our unexpected and surprisingly good lunch at the restaurant, we met up with some members of the church hosting the conference and divided into teams to go out. Amy and I were in a group of five: the two of us, our translator, and a man and a woman from the church. We learned something of Nicaraguan social customs: if the door is open, visitors are welcome; in fact, you can walk right in. If the door is shut, most likely no one is home. Not many were home on the stretch of road we were assigned. I talked to some children in one home, asking them (through the translator) if they knew of Jesus. "He's an angel," one of the children told me. Despite their assurances that they had never lied or disobeyed their parents or done anything wrong, I told them about Jesus, God's Son, far greater than the angels, who loves them so much that He died to pay the price for their sin. They looked at me like I was crazy and, looking back on it, maybe I appeared so to them, me a white woman from America speaking a strange language.

We stopped at another home, larger than the rest, back off the road, surrounded by a gated fence. Here the woman and the man from the church were engaged in conversation with a woman who claimed faith in Christ yet no longer attended church. While we listened to their conversation, our translator whispering English summaries to us, I was struck by several things unrelated to the necessity of church attendance: chickens and chicks having free range of the porch and yard, what appeared to be an open cooking area off from the main house, and sheetrock inside the house. Most of homes we saw were small, very small, constructed of concrete block, ironwork on the windows, a door with a padlock. Little or no furniture, save a few plastic chairs which were everywhere! If we sat anywhere in Nicaragua, we sat either on our bed or in a plastic chair (and the rockers at the rancheros in Masaya). So sheetrock surprised me somewhat.

They asked if I wanted to say anything to this woman who had fallen away from church fellowship. I shared with her that faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. We need to hear God's Word preached, I asserted, and we need the accountability and encouragement that comes by not forsaking meeting together. She nodded but I don't know if she agreed. Time and the Holy Spirit will tell, I suppose.

As we walked further down the road, we saw children playing soccer, a fairly common sight though we were told that baseball is the favorite sport in Nicaragua. We also greeted a precious little boy pushing and chasing a tire. He was such a cutie; I had to take a picture.

In some of the homes we saw young men reading Bibles. Jehovah's Witness, the woman from the church told us. We handed them a tract and invited them to the conference.

We shared the gospel with another young man, maybe early 20's. He was friendly and polite, as was nearly everyone we spoke to. No one was ever rude nor unwilling to listen; I don't know if that's because we were Americans, because the Nicaraguans are by nature courteous, or a combination thereof. He was attentive but ultimately uninterested in the call of the gospel to repent and believe. Amy and I turned to go on our way when our translator erupted in a torrent of Spanish, her passion evident by her hitting her Bible with her fist for emphasis and occasionally pointing toward the young man as her volume escalated. She told us later that her anger is ignited when someone says they want to just wait to decide (we kind of noticed that). "They are saying Christ is insufficient!" she exclaimed, her fervor mounting all over again.

I will never forget her fiery intensity. I emailed my husband that afternoon: Door to door was good . Our translator is a passionate evangelist! Her passion humbled me.

The conference began at 6 that evening. Or, somewhere thereabouts. Nicaraguan time is, shall we say, flexible. My classroom was just that, a classroom in a Christian school located there at the church. It was, like nearly everything else in Nicaragua, open air, with ironwork on the window and door. There were school desks in rows, very similar to any American classroom.

About 15-20 women were in attendance that first night. I was so nervous I thought I would die and as such, I don't remember much about our first evening together. I do remember the heat and the sweat rolling down my back. I remember realizing that teaching with a translator requires a rhythm that is much more difficult to establish than it appears. I remember engaging the women in the lesson through questions and some discussion, something I like to do when I teach but wasn't sure I could given the language barrier. I remember being surprised and humbled by their eagerness to learn.

I know that last statement sounds elitist but it's true.

Perhaps, if I am honest, I will admit that part of me assumed I was doing those precious women a favor by journeying so far and at great expense to teach them the truth of God's Word. Maybe I was. But I think the greater reality is that they did me a favor in their humble desire to learn and then live what God's Word says, a desire that would grow even more evident as our time together progressed...

That first evening, after the conference was over, we were approached by one of the women wanting prayer for her rebellious teenaged daughter. She was heartbroken, tears spilling as she confessed her fears and worry. We encouraged, we sympathized, we prayed.

That night I wrote in my journal: Women's conference: awkward at first. Women seem interested, intrigued, thankful. Asked questions. Difficult teaching with a translator. Miss home. Miss my husband. Tired. Overwhelmed. Insecure in my ability to share the gospel.

Other posts in this series:
Maybe I Will Dance
Home
It was good...
Our Arrival
Nuevo Guinea

[gallery]

What would you do?

The downstairs has been vacuumed and dusted; the washing machine and dryer are churning away; the groceries have been purchased and put away; supper is in the crock pot. I now have an hour before I must go pick the boys up from school (we're talking real time here). What should I do? Here's my options (among many):

• Sweep and mop the kitchen


• Vacuum and dust upstairs


• Write some thank you notes


• Empty and load the dishwasher


• Write one of the three blog posts percolating in my brain


• Work on Bible study


• Read more of The Three Musketeers (loving it!)


• Sit on the porch and write a blog post, work on Bible study or read


• Go for a walk (like for exercise)

What would YOU do?

The Week in Words

From Dug Down Deep by Joshua Harris:

"The irony of my story--and I suppose it often works this way--is that the very things I needed, even longed for in my relationship with God, were wrapped up in the very things I was so sure could do me no good. I didn't understand that such seemingly worn-out words as theology, doctrine and orthodoxy were the pathway to the mysterious, awe-filled experience of truly knowing the living Jesus Christ.

They told the story of the Person I longed to know."

And I love this quote, also from Dug Down Deep:

"If I love the Cross only for what it does for me, I will have reduced it to a monument to myself. But the greatest glory of the Cross is what it tells me about God. A God of justice and mercy. A God who loved helpless sinners like me so much that he came to die so we could be free to know and worship him for eternity."

On Mission in Nicaragua: Nuevo Guinea

I wish I were skilled in the art of writing descriptively. I sometimes make the attempt, relying heavily on thesaurus.com and thereby implementing verbiage like gorgeous and magnificient in lieu of beautiful and pretty. See what I mean? It all seems forced and for good reason. Descriptive writing does not come easily even when I try so very hard to make it so, as will be painfully evident by this post...

We left the orphanage in Juilgapa early that Monday morning in anticipation of a three to four hour van ride to Nuevo Guinea. There were five of us on the mission team going, three women and two men, plus three translators. The rest of team was to work there in Juilagapa, some building a house, some doing back yard Bible clubs and street evangelism. As I tiptoed past the bunk of our friend who was remaining at Juilgapa I whispered, “Please pray.” I was nervous and anxious and eager and all at the same time. I was also enduring a persistent headache, one that would not finally relent until late Tuesday.

Our trip from Juilgapa to Nuevo Guinea took us through some beautiful scenery and amazing mountain views. Nicaragua is a beautiful country. Not very descriptive (warned you) but true. We passed through a few villages and communities but mostly it was the gorgeous rolling countryside. Sometimes I felt like I was caught in a scene from Lonesome Dove as the landscape seemed to become more and more rural the longer we rode--we saw horse drawn carts, hogs in front yards of homes, pack mules carrying a load of firewood, even a cattle drive right there on the highway. Except unlike Lonesome Dove, most of the "cowboys" I saw on horseback were wearing soccer jerseys.

Horses were just as common, if not more so, than any gas powered transportation. Women were cooking outside on open fires, frying, grilling or stirring a large vat of who-knows-what. It was all strange and interesting and beautiful.

We had no idea what to expect upon our arrival in Nuevo Guinea. Looking back on it, I can't believe I wasn't more uneasy given the fact that we didn't really know what our accommodations would be like nor even if we would be able to find a place to eat that wouldn't, well, wreck havoc on our American sensibilities. In fact, we were advised to pack "substantial snacks" in case we couldn't. Armed with granola bars, trail mix and a couple of cans of tuna, we joked some about fasting for the Lord but at least we knew we wouldn't starve.

The hotel really wasn't too bad, though a couple of members of our team may beg to differ. We had two double beds in our room, my friend Amy and I, as well as air conditioning and a TV (though all the channels were in Spanish and understandably so!). No hot water but I don't think there's hot showers to be found anywhere in Nicaragua. A cold shower is cold, no two ways about it, but let me tell you, that water in Nuevo Guinea was some kind of cold, maybe due to the altitude? It was cooler in Nuevo Guinea than Juilagapa, upper 80's instead of the 95+ degree heat at the orphanage.

I have a snapshot of the sheets on Amy's bed: tractors on one pillowcase, NFL teams on the other and fish on the fitted sheet. Our bathroom had no door, just a shower curtain. In other words, the Hilton, this was not.

Our room was on the second floor; the downstairs lobby was open air. There was no front door, just an open breezeway out to the street and open corridors to the parking lot on the side. The hotel offered free wifi there in the lobby, when you could get it and maintain it. I'd brought my husband's iTouch so we were able to send and receive email. We were so grateful for that contact with home, however intermittent and inconsistent.

We didn't drink the water in Nicaragua, not even to brush our teeth. The mission houses in Masaya and Juilagapa had coolers of purified water for the mission teams to fill their water bottles. Here in Nuevo Guinea, we bought our waters there at the hotel, two 20 oz bottles for one American dollar. The dollar was welcome everywhere though your change would be in cordobas at a 20 to 1 cordoba/dollar exchange rate.

Our first morning in the hotel I ordered a cup of coffee. Nicaraguan coffee that looked to be brewed dark and strong, just the way I like it: I was so excited! I had deliberately limited my caffeine and coffee intake the week prior to leaving home just in case I was unable to indulge. I was assured the coffee was safe since the water had been boiled in order to make the coffee. Safe, yes. Also instant. I was so disappointed. Not so disappointed, mind you, that I didn't order another cup the next morning but disappointed nonetheless. Powder in the bottom of your cup--not so appetizing.

Once we checked in on Monday our translators searched the highways and byways of Nuevo Guinea and returned with the good news: they'd found a restaurant that catered, or at least was tolerable, to gringos like ourselves. Lunch! At a restaurant! With the help of our translators (and, really, it was pretty humbling how dependent we were on them), I ordered some grilled beef, I think maybe it was a flank steak, french fries and rice and beans. And a Coke. We ate lunch there everyday during our stint in Nuevo Guinea, our one meal of the day. For breakfast and supper (if I ate supper), we ate what "substantial" snacks we'd brought. In one of my emails home that first day I told my husband: Lunch was good. So far not sick :) took jose's advice and got beef no salad

We drank lots of Cokes while we were there. Glass bottles, the larger size, served with a paper napkin deftly wrapped around the top, and a straw. In fact, among my many memories of our time in Nuevo Guinea, I will also think of us, Amy and I, sitting in the lobby about dusk, waiting for the van to take us to the church for the conference and taking turns checking email on the iTouch. A gentle breeze wafting in, us sipping our cokes, the condensation dripping down the side of the bottle, my stomach churning as it always does just prior to teaching, me silently praying for the Spirit's power and for words...

[gallery orderby="title"]

Status Report, March

Sitting...on the loveseat in the den.

Drinking...coffee, black. I've already put on the second pot.

Moving...S L O W L Y this morning.

Realizing...I never posted a status report for February. How could I have forgotten--and not even realized it until now?

Contemplating...spending the day on the sofa. I know I won't but it's nice to dream at least for a little while.

Feeling...tired/stressed/overwhelmed. It's a busy week ahead. It's been a busy couple of months.

Wondering...if I can maintain this pace. Typically, winter is a slow time for us, a welcome change of pace after the frantic holiday months. Not so this year.

Wanting...to write more about my trip to Nicaragua. Wanting to badly. I've got a post in draft but I can't find the time to adequately put words to my experiences. For some reason writing about it (or the attempting to do so) requires more focus and energy than, say, status reporting, and the longer I wait the harder it is. But I want to, and soon.

Wavering...over how to spend my amazon gift card. I've had it like forever but can't make a decision. Too many books I want; too many books I already have! My "To Be Read" stack looms large as it is!

Needing...to read 7 chapters of Leviticus to catch up on my Bible reading.

Thinking...this post (and my mood) is far too somber!

Listing...things that make me glad this morning:

• Opportunities to teach God's Word


• Coffee


• Good books


• A godly husband who loves me completely and unreservedly


• Hugs from my boys, still


• Cake for breakfast


• Ps. 47


• Sweet words of encouragement from friends


• And did I mention coffee?