A word to the weary: Remember Jesus

Again, timely encouragement from D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones' must-read book, Spiritual Depression. As in the previous excerpts I've quoted here on the blog, Lloyd-Jones offers some straight talk to those of us worn out and weary in the day to day drudgery of our ordinary and mundane lives. After encouraging us to remember the gospel and to remember eternity, he now exhorts his readers in a rather lengthy paragraph to remember our Savior...

...above all let us consider the Master for Whom we work. Let us remember how He endured and how patient He was. Take that mighty argument in the twelfth of Hebrews again. 'You have not yet resisted unto blood.' He did. He came down and endured it all, and how patient He was. How humdrum His life was, most of His time was spent with ordinary petty people who misunderstood Him. But He went steadfastly on and did not complain. How did He do it? 'For the joy that was set before Him He endured even the cross, despising the shame.' That is how He did it. It was the joy that was set before Him, He knew about the crowning day that was coming, He saw the harvest that He was going to reap, and seeing that, He was able not to see these other things but to go through them gloriously and triumphantly. And you and I have the privilege of being like Him. 'If any man would be My disciple, let him deny himself, take up his cross'--that is it--'and follow Me.' We may even have the honour of suffering for His Name. Paul says a most extraordinary thing in writing to the Colossians. He says that he is privileged to make up in his own body what remains of the suffering of Christ. What if you and I as Christians are having the same privilege without knowing it? Well, remind yourself of your blessed Master and look to Him and ask Him to forgive you for ever having allowed yourself to be weary. Look at your life again in this way, and as certainly as you do so, you will find that you are filled with a new hope, a new strength, a new power. You will not need your artificial stimulants or anything else, for you will find that you are again thrilled with the privilege and joy of it all, and you will hate yourself for having grumbled and complained, and you will go forward still more gloriously, until eventually you will hear Him saying: 'Well don, thou good and faithful servant, enter thou into the joy of thy Lord', 'Come, ye blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdome prepared for you from the foundation of the world.'

Let us not grow weary in doing good!

Transparency in Blogging: Real Life, Real Kitchen

A couple of you have asked about me posting pictures of my kitchen painting project. Because I aim to please--and because I'm game for any and all posting ideas, keep 'em coming--I thought I'd offer the following shots of my kitchen, with something of a disclaimer. I did not clean up my kitchen prior to taking the pictures; this is as it really is and how we really live. Transparency in blogging, as in real life, that's my goal. Also, I am sort of at the middle of the end of the project in that I have yet to replace all my knick knacky things and pictures and such. See, here's a shot of my kitchen knick knacks hanging out on my dining room table while they await a more permanent home in my kitchen:

Anyone want to come over and help out the knick knack decorating challenged?

Okay, so it didn't occur to me to take a "before" shot but here's a couple of pictures where you can sort of see the former gold/yellow color. It's a great color and I like it but it's been there for eight or nine years or so as well as in the kitchen in my old house before that. In other words, I was tired of it and ready for a change.

Me and two of my guys before we headed out to an Auburn game last fall. Here it looks more yellow than it was:

Two of my nieces at my son's sixteenth birthday party. Aren't they cuties?

Anyway, that's as it was.

Here's some "after" shots, and remember they are un-retouched, un-styled, and un-cleaned up. Our real kitchen, as it were. If you can't tell, the color's a stone/linen color ("Stone 2" from the Laura Ashley collection at Lowe's). I think it goes much better with the linoleum and I really like the neutral backdrop.

That island is a clutter magnet!

See, I didn't even clear off the table nor straighten out the runner:

Here's my new coffee pot that I had to buy yesterday because my other one died mid-brew.

And, like before with my den, I have to let you know how cheap I am...

• The toile curtains in the breakfast area I got on clearance from Target probably 6 or 8 years ago. 
• The buffalo check toppers on the French doors were left here in one of the bedrooms by the previous owners.
• The black Hoosier cabinet was given to us by my husband's grandmother years ago. It wasn't black when we got it; I painted it.
• The table and chairs are one of my mom's discoveries that we purchased for not very much money from a junk store where she lives. She refinished the table and recovered the chair seats for me.

There you have it! If anyone cares to do a knick knack consultation, you can let me know!

On My Nightstand-August

Those reading divas over at 5 Minutes for Books want to know What's On Your Nightstand? In other words, what's everybody reading? Here's my list:

I am currently reading:

• Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins in eager anticipation of the arrival of Mockingjay any day now from amazon!
• A Praying Life: Connecting with God in a Distracting World by Paul Miller
• By His Wounds You Are Healed: how the message of Ephesians transforms a woman's identity by Wendy Alsup

I plan to read next:

• Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins
• Surprised by Grace: God's Relentless Pursuit of Rebels by Tullian Tchividjian. I'll be reading along with my friends Leslie and Melissa. My pastor is currently preaching through the book of Jonah so I'm doubly excited about the double dose of Truth from this Old Testament prophet!

Other books I'd like to read soon:

• One Corpse Too Many by Peter Ellis, on the recommendation of Caniad at Dwell in Possibility
• Evangelism and the Sovereignty of God by J I Packer. I've had this on my TBR ("To Be Read") pile forever! I really hope to get to it and soon.

So, what are YOU reading this month? Link up over at 5 Minutes for Books!

A twenty minute post

As I am wont to do, I am copying Leslie who recently posted a 15 minute post in which she forced herself to blog though she only had a fifteen minute window in which to do so. All good ideas are worth copying and as an added bonus (or, not), I have a full twenty five minutes to jot down a few random thoughts.

My husband returned from his mission trip to Nicaragua! I'm not gonna lie, it was a hard and exhausting week without him. It was our first full week back to school, I made the impulsive decision to paint the kitchen, all that plus the usual practices and such in addition to the unusually busy calendar--it was crazy. Prior to him leaving, I made sure I had a stack of books from the library to keep me distracted, you know, from being all lonely without him. Didn't read a single page. And anyway, nothing distracted me from being all lonely without him.

The kitchen looks good even though I didn't get all the trim painted. Yet. Maybe next week. I still haven't put all the knick-knacky things back. I hate trying to decide where to put knick-knacky things! I've convinced myself the previous arrangement needs to be changed but how, I don't know. As you may remember, decorating does not come easily to me, not in the least.

While I was painting, I listened to a fairly prominent Christian radio station that broadcasts on the internet. One day the DJ's were inviting listeners to call in and share their answer to the question "Why Jesus?" Is He your best friend? Your source of hope? Of peace? They want to know why follow Jesus. Though I'm sure they meant well, I couldn't help wondering if it wasn't a subtle self-help sort of appeal: Come to Jesus; He works! Maybe I am (yet again) thinking too much...

Y'all know how eager I was (am) for the return to school. I feel as if we've gotten a baptism by fire! In other words, the rat race didn't begin with a slow crawl; it exploded out the start gate! It takes time to adjust and after being gone every night this past week and all day Saturday and all day Sunday I found myself wishing for the slow speed we enjoyed this summer.

I am trying to create a Facebook page for my blog. Actually, I think the page is created but I'm not sure how to link to it. I know, it shouldn't be so difficult but it is. For me at any rate.

Oh, and for those of you who would like to subscribe to get email updates from this blog, I've signed up with feedburner to do that very thing. There's a subscription form on the right. Thanks to those of you who emailed and commented with that recommendation.

I know I've told you before that my husband's love language is technology. Here's proof: one night a couple of weeks ago we were eating out and I made the passing comment that I sure would like to have my calendar on my phone and be able to sync with the calendar on my laptop. Half an hour later my husband was signing me up for a new phone. Yes, that quick! He loves me and he loves to keep me technologically up to date despite myself and I love that he loves that. ;-)

Well, twenty minutes have passed and while I have time remaining I also have laundry and dishes and groceries and other various and sundry sorts of Monday things to do. Happy Monday, friends!

I'm back!

Welcome! How do you like my new look? Jules, the Everyday Mommy herself, did a great job with the design, don't you think? Not only that, but she made my move back to blogger effortless. Literally. Thanks, Jules, for all your work and for the fresh, clean look! I hope you, the reader, will update your feed reader or any other bookmarks you use to get here. You may note that my web address has changed slightly from my old site. To get here you clicked www.lisaspence.com. The "www" is very important!

Anyway, I'm glad to be here and I'm glad you found your way here as well! As always, it is my earnest desire that the words posted here will serve to edify and encourage and bring glory to Jesus Christ, the only One worthy...

God's Cause

I pray the following for myself, of course, but also for our team currently in Nicaragua and for the many, many other missionaries around the world. May God's cause be exalted and may He draw many to salvation, to the praise of His glory!

From The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions...

SOVEREIGN GOD,
Thy cause, not my own, engages my heart,
and I appeal to thee with greatest freedom
to set up thy kingdom in every place where Satan reigns;

Glorify thyself and I shall rejoice,
for to bring honour to thy name is my sole desire.

I adore thee that thou art God,
and long that others should know it, feel it, and rejoice in it.

O that all men might love and praise thee,
that thou mightest have all glory from the intelligent world!

Let sinners be brought to thee for thy dear name!

To the eye of reason everything respecting the conversion of others
is as dark as midnight,
But thou canst accomplish great things;
the cause is thine,
and it is to thy glory that men should be saved.

Lord, use me as thou wilt,
do with me what thou wilt;
but, O, promote thy cause,
let thy kingdom come,
let thy blessed interest be advanced in this world!

O do thou bring in great numbers to Jesus!
let me see that glorious day,
and give me to grasp for multitudes of souls;
let me be willing to die to that end;
and while I live let me labour for thee
to the utmost of my strength,
spending time profitably in this work,
both in health and in weakness.

It is thy cause and kingdom I long for, not my own.

O, answer thou my request!

Linkworthy

Some posts I've read recently that have either encouraged me, or challenged me, or both...

A Matter of Motivation Redux
As a confirmed introvert, I appreciate this post. HT: @nbingham
Love for God's people does not have to look for everyone like an overt, uncontainable passion for being with others. Love, as we know from the scriptures, is self-sacrificial, in which we lay down our rights and place the good of others ahead of our own. Thus, it can be a great display of love for those of us who relish our inner worlds, to lay those things down sometimes and be present with others, when we might otherwise prefer to be alone.




God, Make Us Desperate!
The New Testament teaches us that whether or not our treasure is really in heaven is most clearly seen when it costs us our earthly treasures in order to obtain it. But American Christians live in the most prosperous nation in world history and the one in which it costs the least to be a Christian.



This environment can be deadly to faith. It allows false faith to masquerade as real very easily. And its power to dissipate zeal and energy and mission-focus and willingness to risk is extraordinary because it doesn’t come to us with a whip and a threat. It comes to us with a pillow and a promise of comfort for us and our children. The former makes us desperate for God. The latter robs our sense of desperation.




Numbers vs. Fruit
[A] correct view of Biblical fruit frees me to value what goes on day in and day out with my three in my home over the affirmation I get from this blog and my books. I at times feel seduced toward a focus on my outside ministries at the expense of my ministry at home. I get a LOT more affirmation and words of encouragement through the blog than I do from my 3 and 5 year old. Ministry to the ONES in my life is hard and requires forbearing, long-term patience and love. I’m in it for the long haul, and when I’m invested, I have hope of seeing real fruit – the way God defines it – in myself and/or my family.



I must value deep investing in one over minimal investment in 100. I MUST!




Finding Joy in Serving Children
Directors and professors from my college asked me why I'd throw away my education and waste my life to care for children. I told them I could come back to school anytime, but more importantly that I did NOT see it as a waste at all. God values life and He loves children, and that, I told them, is what motivated me. I was shocked that people were asking me these questions...




Worship is a Big Deal, Part 3 (all of the posts in the series are very good)
[W]e ought to come to worship expecting first and foremost to see God. We come to encounter his glory, to be awe struck by his majesty. A worship service isn’t the place to showcase human talent but the place for God to showcase his divine treasure. We gather not to be impressed by one another—how we sound, what we wear, who we are—but to be impressed by God and his mighty acts of salvation. We come to sing of who he is and what he’s done. We come to hear his voice resounding in and through his Word. We come to feel the grief of our sin so that we can taste the glory of his salvation. We gather to be magnificently defeated, flattened, and shrunk by the power and might of the living God.




And, while it's somewhat self-serving to link to my own post, my blog friend Shelly at Life on the Wild Side asked me to write a guest post for her a few weeks ago: Praise You in this Storm, further reflections on the tornado that devastated parts of our town back in April.

Any posts you've read lately that are worth linking? Let us know in the comments!

A word to the weary: Remember eternity

When I reflect on the weariness I experienced as a young(er) mom--physical, emotional, spiritual--I often to think to myself, "If only I'd known how quickly those days would pass!" If only. If only I could see that stage in its proper perspective, I might have been able to relax, rest and rejoice in those fleeting days of my boys' babyhood.

In his encouragement to those of us weary in well doing, D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones also advocates viewing our lives in proper perspective, an eternal one, remembering that this world is not our home, living in anticipation of the joy that awaits us. From his book Spiritual Depression:

You are tired and weary and you feel at times it is too much for you? Go back and look at your life and put it into the context of eternity. Stop and ask yourself what it all means. It is nothing but a preparatory school. This life is but the ante-chamber of eternity and all we do in this world is but anticipatory of that. Our greatest joys are but the first fruits and the foretaste of the eternal joy that is coming. How important it is to remind ourselves of that. It is the sheer grind of daily life that gets us down.

Further,

We are too immersed in our problems. We need to look ahead, to anticipate, to look forward to the eternal glories gleaming afar. The Christian life is a tasting of the first-fruits of that great harvest which is to come. 'Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man the things which God hath prepared for them that love Him.' 'Set your affection on things above and not on things on the earth.' Realize something in mind and heart of the glory of the place to which you are going. That is the antidote, that is the cure. The harvest we shall reap is certain, it is sure. 'Therefore,' says Paul to the Corinthians, 'be ye steadfast, unmovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord for as much as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.' Go on with your task whatever your feelings; keep on with your work. God will give the increase, He will send the rain of His gracious mercies as we need it.

How I need proper perspective, to remember that my true reward is Christ Himself! I want to be like Paul, straining toward what lies ahead: an eternity rejoicing in the glorious presence of my Lord! When I am weary, I want to remember the joys of heaven, confident that my labor is not vain because it is the Lord Jesus I am serving even as I lay up treasures where moth and rust will not destroy.

First Day of School

The obligatory shot at the front door...

A past not easily dismissed

A few months ago I attended a bridal tea at my old church. After chatting with the bride-to-be, hugging her mom, catching up with a friend's daughter who lives out of town, and perusing all the gorgeous gifts, I took my plate of goodies and my cup of punch and joined a table of ladies, friends of mine from way back when.

My heart was full as I glanced around the table at these women, women who had loved my kids, rocked my babies, and cooked me supper, women who had prayed for me and with me, women I loved and admired, women who remained when we left the church, women who were no doubt grieved and disappointed by the church split, as were we all.

Yet there I was. At the table. Laughing, chatting, catching up. It was friendly. It was easy. It was good.

I loved those women, those friends of mine. I love them still. We share a history together. We served and sought the Lord together. For years. A past like that is not easily dismissed.

I am so glad it isn't.

I miss them. I saw again that our decision that July carries consequences, some obvious, some not quite so.

Don't misunderstand. I love my church so much that sometimes, in the weird way my mind works, I am afraid. The privilege the Lord has granted me, us, to be a part of this work is so great that the weight of it nearly crushes me. To say I am humbled is too trite. To say that it's a blessing is too empty. I am grateful.

I had lunch this week with one of my friends who remained at my old church. We have lunch twice a year, she and I. I know this for sure because we continue our years-long tradition to meet for lunch on the dates a local church hosts their annual soup lunch in January and their annual salad lunch in August. We did so before; we do so still. We always say we're going to get together more often, and we always mean it.

Our lunch was good, our conversation easy. Another friend joins us every August and the three of us chatted and caught up and reported all the latest. It was fun. My friend even referenced something that happened "that December after y'all left in July." It was a statement of fact, not blame or or spite or any other emotion that could accompany a situation like ours, and I was glad that this is what it is: We left. She stayed. She did what she must, following the Lord's will. We did as well. We are each thankful for how the Lord led us. We're friends. God has been faithful to us both, to us all. What grace.

I love my friend and I miss her. I am glad for our past that is part and parcel to our present. I am glad for our friendship that continues, and for bridal teas and for our lunches together.

Oh, but God is good, His lovingkindness endures forever.

A word to the weary: Remember the gospel

I've made no secret of the fact that I am not exactly grieving the start of school tomorrow. Oh, there are things I dread, packing lunches among them, but for the most part I am thrilled about the return to routine. Summer has worn me out.

I am weary. While I welcome the schedule and structure (and solitude! glorious solitude!) that school will bring, I suspect my weariness stretches beyond the dog days of summer. As D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones writes in his must-read book, Spiritual Depression, "this [tendency to weariness] is what we may call the danger of the middle period. It is something which is true not only in the Christian life as such, it is true of the whole of life." Speaking specifically of the Christian journey, he says "No longer are we surprised at things, as we were at the beginning, because we are familiar with them and know about them...nothing seems to be happening, there does not seem to be any change or advance or development."

I'm in the middle period, I think. Not middle-aged necessarily (I hope!), but in the middle period of this stage of life. In parenting, for example, I've transitioned from confident zeal to just wanting to survive. I kid, somewhat, about the surviving part. I do want to make it through with minimal damage to all parties involved and sometimes that day to day tension inherent in parenting teenagers and tweenagers is beyond exhausting. Spiritually speaking, my faith has also transitioned from confident zeal to something less than zealously confident.

I'm weary.

Lloyd-Jones offers a good word of encouragement (and conviction) to those of us worn out in well doing, who wonder if our perseverance will pay off, who feel lost in the drudgery of the sameness of our lives. Actually, he has much to say in his chapter "Weary in Well Doing" and I will excerpt portions of his thoughts over the next couple of posts. First, he reminds us...

If you and I come to regard any aspect of this Christian life merely as a task and a duty, and if we have to goad ourselves and to set our teeth in order to get through with it, I say we are insulting God and we have forgotten the very essence of Christianity. The Christian life is not a task. The Christian life alone is worthy of the name life. This alone is righteous and holy and pure and good. It is the kind of life the Son of God Himself lived. It is to be like God Himself in His own holiness. That is why I should live it. I do not just decide to make a great effort to carry on somehow. Not at all, I remind myself that is is a great and good life, it is 'well doing.' How have I got into this life--this life that I am grumbling and complaining about, and finding hard and difficult? Let me press this question. How did you get into this Christian life? Here we are in the narrow way, how did we come from the broad way? What has made the difference? These are the questions; and there is only one answer. We have come from that to this, because the only begotten Son of God left heaven and came down to earth for our salvation, He divested Himself of all the insignia of His eternal glory and humbled Himself to be born as a babe and to be placed in a manger. He endured the life of this world for thirty-three years: He was spat upon and reviled. He had thorns thrust into His head and was nailed to a cross, to bear the punishment of my sin. That is how I have come from that to this, and if I ever, even for a fraction of a second, question the greatness and the glory and the wonder and the nobility of this walk in which I am engaged, well then I am spitting upon Him. Out upon the suggestion! 'Be not weary in well doing.' My friend, if you think of your Christian life is any shape or form with this sense of grudge, or as a wearisome task or duty, I tell you to go back to the beginning of your life, retrace your steps to the wicket gate through which you passed. Look at the world in its evil and sin, look at the hell to which it was leading you, and then look forward and realize that you are set in the midst of the most glorious campaign into which a man could ever enter, and that you are on the noblest road that the world has ever known.

When I am weary, when I wonder how in the world I will find the energy to fight the good fight even one more round, I need to look to Jesus. I need to remember the gospel. I need to hear and heed His invitation in Matt. 11:28, "Come to me all who are labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest." This is the good news, the gospel! Jesus Christ saves sinners! May I remember my lost-ness and marvel in the grace and mercy shown to me at the cross where Jesus took my sin and I received His righteousness. The life I now live I live in Him! My weariness dissipates when I embrace the rest He offers, when I rejoice in His saving grace.

Am I weary? I need to remember the gospel!

Need of Jesus

From The Valley of Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers and Devotions,


LORD JESUS,

I am blind, be thou my light,
ignorant, be thou my wisdom,
self-willed, be thou my mind.

Open my ear to grasp quickly thy Spirit's voice,
and delightfully run after his beckoning hand;

Melt my conscience that no hardness remain,
make it alive to evil's slightest touch;

When Satan approaches may I flee to thy wounds,
and there cease to tremble at all alarms.

Be my good shepherd to lead me into the green pastures of thy Word,
and cause me to lie down beside the rivers of its comforts.

Fill me with peace, that no disquieting worldly gales
may ruffle the calm surface of my soul.

Thy cross was upraised to be my refuge,
Thy blood streamed forth to wash me clean,
Thy death occurred to give me a surety,
Thy name is my property to save me,
By thee all heaven is poured into my heart,
but it is too narrow to comprehend thy love.

I was a stranger, an outcast, a slave, a rebel,
but thy cross has brought me near,
has softened by heart,
has made me thy Father's child,
has admitted me to thy family,
has made me joint-heir with thyself.

O that I may love thee as thou lovest me,
that I may walk worthy of thee, my Lord,
that I may reflect the image of heaven's first-born.

May I always see thy beauty with the clear eye of faith,
and feel the power of thy Spirit in my heart,
for unless he move mightily in me
no inward fire will be kindled.

Jesus is better

I just read a post over at the Living Proof blog written by Beth Moore's daughter, Melissa. Evidently Beth is the featured subject of a series of articles in the August issue of Christianity Today and, according to Melissa, at least one of the articles took some liberties in quoting Beth, even going so far as to take some of her statements completely out of context.

I think Melissa's point a valid one. Certainly a magazine of the caliber of CT can and ought to adhere to strict journalistic standards. My interest was peaked, however, by the comments vilifying CT for presuming to criticize "Mama Beth" and asserting their belief in Beth's sincerity which, for those commenting, not all but some, is enough of an apologetic to render her teaching above any sort of critical examination.

It frustrates me. But first, in the interest of full disclosure, I will admit I owe a huge debt of gratitude to Beth Moore's ministry. Prior to participating in A Woman's Heart: God's Dwelling Place, Beth's study on the Tabernacle, nearly fifteen years ago, I had no idea the Bible could be studied with such depth and passion. Now, some of you may quibble with my use of the word "depth," but compared to the sort of Bible study I'd been exposed to up to that point--which was none--I was shocked. I had no idea. And, I was hooked. I began to devour any and every study Beth wrote and get to any and every conference that was remotely possible. Some accused me of being a groupie and while there may have been some truth to that--after all, Beth has a wonderful gift of making each of us feel as if we are her BFF--I really think it was more an instance of me pursuing the sustenance--any sustenance--of Scripture with the desperation of the starving.

I don't know when my discomfort began. Interestingly enough, it wasn't due to any scholarship--or lack thereof--on Beth's part. Not at first. It was the cult celebrity deal that made me uneasy. Fellow Bible students were more apt to discuss Beth's hair, clothes or kids more so than the Bible she presumed to teach. As a result, I began at first to alternate a Beth study with a non Beth study, and the number of women participating reflected it. The last Beth Moore study I facilitated, Daniel, had over thirty women in the group, the largest number of participants I've ever had by double.

The interesting thing was, as I studied and taught and studied in order to teach, my disillusionment with the celebrity culture of so-called women's Bible studies was soon coupled with a disappointment in the studies themselves. Many seemed more full of the woman herself, the student, her feelings and problems, and little of the Bible. Finally, I decided to be deliberate in choosing studies that teach the Bible. I will freely admit it is a little more difficult to find gospel-centered, Scripture-saturated studies for women but it's been well worth it.

I love theology; I love doctrine; I love wrestling with the deep things of the Lord--and I love studying God's Word. I am so grateful the Lord used Beth to provoke in me a love for Bible study, yet at the same time I am tired of the wimpy fluff, the self help drivel that publishers seem to be marketing to women under the guise of "Bible study." How I long for us to be women eager and determined to seek after the knowledge of God through the diligent study of His word, and yet how revolutionary and rare is this sort of mindset in the realm of studies for women!

Some fault Beth Moore along with other prominent Bible teachers. While certainly I've been disappointed in the turn her ministry seems to be taking, I find that most of my frustration lies with her followers, not all of them but enough of them. Does that sound like I'm a snob? Hear me: I don't feel that way because I feel myself superior but because I know that the Word of God is superior...

Think my frustration is unfounded? A cursory glance through the comments on the post I referenced at the Living Proof blog will quickly prove my point. Over and over the commenters, not all but some, say it is Beth's sincerity that trump any sort of criticism one could render. I am troubled, not by the outpouring of love and support so much, but by the apparent blind disregard for anything that could cast aspersions on their beloved Beth. I have no doubt of Beth's sincerity, yet our standard for integrity in teaching--for Beth or any other teacher, this one included--is not sincerity. It is the Word of God. We ought to examine the spirits, the Bible teaches us, to be like the Bereans examining Paul's teaching in light of the Scriptures. We are to hold our leaders accountable! Discerning examination is not an affront; it is necessary and good.

Sisters, we are not to blindly follow anyone! We are to know God's Word for ourselves and know it well enough that we may exercise discernment and identify sloppy interpretation and inconsistent instruction, partial truths that as such are no Truth. We must ask whether a sermon or Bible study or devotion exalts Christ or us--or, God forbid, the teacher--and we must carefully and diligently hold it up to the light of Scripture. Please, do not let your faith depend upon another, no matter how sincere and personable she may be. Work out your faith with fear and trembling, refusing to settle for secondhand knowledge and secondhand intimacy.

One of the more troubling things I've read was in another long comment thread on a different site, this on a post describing the author's affection for Beth Moore and expressing a desire to meet her. One of the commenters said that without Beth Moore she could not thrive. I am saddened even as I tell it to you. Another commenter said that if Jesus were a girl His name would be Beth Moore. Are you kidding me? With heart breaking, I want to tell these women--I want to tell you--that Jesus is better. Jesus is better than Beth Moore. You do not need her to thrive. You need Jesus. You need His Word. You need His Spirit. Look to Him in repentance and faith. Find in Him all you need, all you desire, all you long for. It's Him. Seek Him. Know Him. The glorious gospel promises that when we seek Him with our whole heart, He will be found--what grace! What mercy!

Thankfulness on Thursday

Joining Kim and friends in expressing gratitude on Thursdays...

I am thankful, as you know, that school starts next Wednesday.

I am also thankful, despite how my post yesterday may have seemed, for our long summer and for the days--and evenings!--spent at home. Though I eagerly embrace fall and the return to school, schedule and structure, I also know it will be a return to a more hectic pace. Being away every night this past week--to practices, orientations and the like--reminds me how thankful I am we've enjoyed these months here, at home.

I am thankful for good books.

I am thankful for my church and I am also thankful that the Lord has given us the resources and vision to purchase land to be used for His kingdom purposes and a more permanent meeting place one day, glory to His name!

I am thankful for comments and phone calls that remind me why I indulge in this kind of self-exposed confessional (aka blogging). Seriously, I am thankful for those of you who visit and read; you encourage me!

I am thankful for central air conditioning.

I am thankful it is August, hot as it is, because after August comes September and September means fall can't be far behind.

I am thankful for the opportunities to (hopefully) encourage others with the gospel and I pray I will be found faithful as I do so tomorrow morning!

What are you thankful for this week?

Status Report, August

Sitting...at my dining room table. I was out on the porch earlier but it's HOT. Too hot. August. Ugh.

Drinking...coffee, black.

Weary...of the heat. It's too hot!

Anticipating...the start of school next Wednesday. I know, I know, my homeschooling friends may think less of me but I cannot WAIT to send my kids to school Wednesday. I stink at maintaining structure and routine, which is fine for the duration of a normal summer break. However, you may remember we haven't had any degree of routine since the tornado--in April--making for a L O N G summer. We need the structure; we need school! Me and the kids both!

Marking...off my list of summer projects. There are few items I have yet to tackle, like painting the trim downstairs, but for the most part, it was a fairly productive summer. Of course, I think it's Murphy's law of homekeeping that the more you do around the house, the more you see that you need to do!

Discovering...the wealth of options for purchasing upholstery online. Who knew? I spent far too long on this site (among others) looking at upholstery options for a chair (or two) I'd like to have recovered. Y'all know I'm a decorating novice so I don't really know exactly what I'm looking for, plus I'm cheap, making it fun to browse from the comfort of my laptop.

Wanting...a bread machine. I stumbled on this site and now I'm totally inspired. Anyone have one that they love? If you have any recommendations, send them on!

Completed reading...the Harry Potter books. Yes, all 7. Sigh. Good stuff.

Excited...about our church purchasing some property with the vision to one day build a facility of our own! The Lord is so good and this is yet one more evidence of His faithfulness to us! To God be the glory, great things He is doing!

Working...through Wendy Alsup's study on Ephesians, By His Wounds You Are Healed. Good stuff!

Reading...A Praying Life. Also good stuff!

Realizing...once more how the gospel is meant to pervade every part of my life and how my weaknesses--my inadequacies in praying "properly," for instance--serve to show my need and God's grace. It's all grace. From beginning to end.

How time flies and other things I do not understand

I don't know what kind of blog I write here. Certainly I could never be accused of prolific mommy blogging. I don't know why I don't blog much about the kids because they definitely take up the majority of my time and thoughts. Maybe that's the reason right there. And then when I do write about some aspect of mothering, my oldest son seems to assume a prominent role. Again, I don't know why except for the fact that while all my children are loved and esteemed and respected with the same furious passion, there is something unique about the unchartered territory that accompanies the firstborn. And, hello, visiting college campuses is definitely unchartered territory.

Yes, that's correct. This summer marked a first for us: we visited a college campus as parents of a prospective college student. During the informational session (which was very good, by the way), I texted my husband (who was sitting four children apart from me): "I look younger than the rest of these moms right?" He asserted via a return text that I did though privately I have my doubts. Parents of prospective college students have to be old(er) arithmetically speaking. The math doesn't lie.

We joked that by the time our number four son is ready to investigate his collegiate options he can take his own self on a tour, he will have seen so many by then. Not to mention the fact that his parents will certainly be tired and worn out (and old) by then.

How did we get here? Wasn't it only yesterday that I was sending my oldest off to kindergarten, he and I both stoic, his younger brother the one in tears? I mean, I know that time flies and all that but who could know it flies so fast and so furiously? I am not exaggerating when I tell you that sometimes I wish so badly for my kids to be small again that it is nearly a physical ache. I miss their littleness. Yes, it was hard. Yes, there were days I thought I would lose my mind. Yes, I couldn't wait for them to dress themselves, feed themselves, bathe themselves--and now he can even drive himself (yes and amen) and now there are days I wish it all back again.

I didn't know how fast that stage of my life would pass. If truth be told, I was scared it would last forever.

It didn't.

I am so proud of my son. True, we have our share of heated exchanges and sometimes I worry myself silly--and for good reason--but when I hear him introduce himself to a group of other prospective students with an air of maturity and self possession that I forget he has, well, I am so proud and I am so humbled to be granted the privilege to navigate the unchartered territory of parenthood with such a great kid who loves the Lord Jesus with such determination. His dad and I are blessed. Confused, at times irritated and frustrated, overwhelmed, unsure, and desperately needing wisdom, but blessed.

Grace. It's all grace. From beginning to end.

I know that I don't really wish him nor his brothers little again, not when I think rationally instead of emotionally. I've told you before of my friend's words of wisdom that remind me "we raise 'em to let 'em go." And so we do. And so I do. It's not any easier, parenting teenagers and prospective college students. In fact, it's as horrible as you've been told. Navigating these unchartered waters, seeing the days fly by in quick succession, knowing my time is short, and understanding better than ever my failures and regrets--all show me my desperate need for a Savior. I haven't been enough. I'm not enough. I wasn't enough then when I wished my kids' babyhood away; I'm not enough now when I struggle to relinquish control and trust my son (and the Holy Spirit to do His good work of conviction).

"I can't do this," I thought then.

"I can't do this," I know now.

I need grace. I need the assurance that accompanies trust in a God who knows all things, sees all things, and works all things according to the counsel of His will. I need wisdom to teach and peace to let go. I need forgiveness. I need mercy. I need faith. I do believe; overcome my unbelief!

It was more than strange to walk a college campus and realize anew that one day soon and very soon (two years is soon!) my son will leave home. It's strange. It's surreal. I will still wish for him to be little again but I pray I will also be confident that the Lord who began the good work--in parents and son both--will indeed bring it to completion.

Grace. It's all grace. From beginning to end.

To God be the glory.

I remember

I've been thinking about Nicaragua. I mean, of course I've thought about my trip and the events and people thereof many times in the last six months but lately, here in the past few days, even more so.

I don't know why exactly. Maybe it's the House Hunter's International episodes I've watched featuring grand and beautiful Nicaraguan vacation homes, homes a far cry from the dirt floor, cement block homes I saw. Or the homes made of black plastic and sticks. Or the trash that littered the barrios we visited.






Though I know that poverty reaches far beyond the Nicaraguan barrio, I can't help but consider the widowed mother of three boys living in deplorable and desperate circumstances, such as I could have never imagined prior to seeing it for myself. Two of her boys are disabled and yet she professes hope in Christ. My faith seems so shallow to me, so easily swayed by the silly and the meaningless. Even now, as I type, I am preparing to go to our book club meeting and discuss Contentment of all things. What do I know of true contentment? I am embarrassed and ashamed by my fickle joy.


No doubt Nicaragua occupies my thoughts because my husband will be a part of team going in a couple of weeks. Also going for the first time will be my dear friend and her daughter. As I talk to them I am curiously sad and even a little envious. It is curious to me because, if I am honest, when I came home in February I didn't think I'd want to return. It wasn't that my experience was a bad one, quite the opposite really. It was good. Profound. Inexplicably so. All making my resulting passivity, even reluctance, equally inexplicable.

As I think of our trip, it is the faces I see, the women we were privileged to serve. I wonder about Stella, heartbroken over her daughter's rebellion, expecting another daughter, a baby who has certainly arrived by now. I see the formerly abused wife struggling to believe her husband's conversion authentic. Mostly, I remember the crowded classroom, the open Bibles, the eagerness to learn, to ask, to seek. I hear myself pleading through our translator Maricela for the women to know the Lord, to study His Word, to live for Christ, to love Him supremely and wholly.



My heart winces a little as I reflect on my fervent appeal. Who am I? Surely I am the least among these, my faith not quite so zealous these days. I am humbled as I remember their grateful response. Me with so much, they with so little, all of us rich in Christ because of His generous grace He lavishes on those who seek Him in repentant, desperate faith.

"Do not forget us," they whispered to me in Spanish (Maricela translating) on our last night in Nuevo Guinea, as they kissed my cheek and gripped my hand. "Remember us."

I do not forget. I do remember. Indeed, how can I not?