Happy Reformation Day!

From the time I was a girl, I have been taught that salvation is by grace alone through faith alone. I've read and studied God's Word using numerous Bibles over the years, from the children's Living Bible I received in Sunday school as a child to the ESV study Bible I currently use. It wasn't until I was an adult that I discovered these are privileges granted to me through the Reformation.

October 31 is, to most of us, Halloween. It is also the date that Martin Luther nailed his 95 theses to the church door in Wittenburg in 1517. What does a monk and a long list of grievances against the Catholic church and its sale of indulgences have to do with me today? For those of us who joyfully and humbly exalt in justification by grace through faith, everything. Luther's assertion that God's righteousness is imputed to us through the work of Christ was so radical that he was called to recant or face execution, to which Luther replied,

"Unless I am convinced by sacred Scripture or by evident reason, I cannot recant, for my conscience is held captive by the Word of God, and to act against conscience is neither right nor safe. Here I stand. I can do no other. God help me.” 

An uproar ensued and surely Luther would have been killed if not for his friends staging a kidnapping. Thus the Reformation began.

Not only that, but did you know that many Reformers died cruel and horrible deaths because they believed the Bible ought to be available to the common man in his own language? Consider that next time you open the Word and read it in language you understand.

We owe a great debt to Martin Luther and it is tragic that so many of us who profess faith in Christ know so little of this critical event in history. If you are like me and never really considered the Reformation nor its influence on the Christian faith, here are a few links to pique your interest...

Luther and the Reformation--a short overview from R.C. Sproul on the events of October 31, 1517

Abandon the Reformation, Abandon the Gospel--From The Gospel Coalition, a synopsis of the historical events and how they ought to influence churches today

Luther's Stand--a more detailed description of Luther before the council (HT: Ordinary Pastor)

Here's the scene as imagined by the movie Luther (which I enjoyed immensely):



Happy Reformation Day!

Sunday Prayer: Resting on God

From The Valley of Vision...

O GOD MOST HIGH, MOST GLORIOUS,

The thought of thin infinite serenity cheers me,
For I am toiling and moiling, troubled and distressed,
but thou art for ever at perfect peace.

Thy designs cause thee no fear or care of unfulfilment,
they stand fast as the eternal hills.

Thy power knows no bond,
thy goodness no stint.

Thou brings order out of confusion,
and my defeats are thy victories:
The Lord God omnipotent reigneth.

I come to thee as a sinner with cares and sorrows,
to leave every concern entirely to thee,
every sin calling for Christ's precious blood;

Revive deep spirituality in my heart;

Let me live near to the great Shepherd,
hear his voice, know its tones, follow its calls.

Keep me from deception by causing me to abide in the truth,
from harm by helping me to walk in the power of the Spirit.

Give me intenser faith in the eternal verities,
burning into me by experience the things I know;

Let me never be ashamed of the truth of the gospel,
that I may bear its reproach,
vindicate it,
see Jesus as is essence,
know in it the power of the Spirit.

Lord, help me, for I am often lukewarm and chill;
unbelief mars my confidence,
sin makes me forget thee.

Let the weeds that grow in my soul be cut at their roots;

Grant me to know that I truly live only when I live to thee,
that all else is trifling.

Thy presence alone can make me holy, devout, strong and happy.

Abide in me, gracious God.

A confession and a recipe

I suppose it was bound to happen: I completely and totally forgot about posting yesterday. The 21 day experiment did not cross my mind even once!

In an attempt to redeem myself--or not--I thought I would share the recipe for the fabulous cheese ring I mentioned in Thursday's post. And, it really is fabulous and I'm not even boasting. It's the truth. Of course, as with most of my recipes, I cannot claim credit. This recipe comes from my friend Linda whose cheese ring has long been the staple of bridal teas, baby showers and other similar events. I am honored to share this recipe in her honor and with thanks for all the cheese ring goodness she has sent my way! :)

LINDA'S CHEESE RING

16 oz grated cheddar cheese, extra sharp
16 oz grated cheddar cheese, medium
1 cup mayonnaise
1 tsp red cayenne pepper
1 small grated onion
1 cup chopped pecans
Strawberry preserves

Mix and knead together the cheese, mayo, pepper and onion. Line a bunt cake pan with foil; press the cheese mixture into the pan and refrigerate overnight. Before serving cover with chopped pecans and fill the inside of the ring with the strawberry preserves. Serve with butter flavored crackers.

Enjoy!!

Thankfulness on Thursday

I am joining other blog friends in giving thanks on Thursday for the blessings and the mercies of the previous week. This week I thank the Lord for...

• The opportunity to celebrate the impending arrival of a precious little life with a baby shower tonight. 


• The cheese ring I made for the baby shower tonight. I suppose, technically speaking, that I'm not exactly thankful for it yet, as it hasn't been served, but I had a little taste after making it last night and it's good, well worth advance gratitude. I am also thankful for the goodies my friends will be making: caramel apple dip and mini chicken salad sandwiches, just to name a couple.


• My Southern heritage and our tradition of marking all of life's major events--births, deaths, weddings, and so on--with food: the conventional casserole, certainly, or a cheese ring as the case may be.


• The kind of community I share with my friends and fellow church members, my sisters in Christ, where we rejoice with those who rejoice and grieve with those who grieve.


• My internet friends who encourage me through our conversations via email or twitter. Y'all are true friends to me, whether we've met in real life or not--and I sure hope we can someday!


• A big win for Senior Night, my son's last home football game last Friday night.


• My husband coming home after several days (too many days!) of being out of town. I missed him!


• Open windows, cool breezes, and leaves turning.

Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside! 

What are you thankful for this week?

I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart; 

 I will recount all of your wonderful deeds. 

I will be glad and exult in you; 

 I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.

~ Psalm 9:1-2

Let him who boasts boast in this...

It has seemed lately that everything my boy has touched turned to gold. So much "gold", in fact, that I struggle with even telling you that much because part of me wants to list out all the goodness that has come his way and, should I do so, I fear that I will then succumb to that sort of obnoxious mommy boasting that no one wants to read, me least of all. So, suffice it to say, we are proud and happy and excited.

It also seems that everywhere I go he's the talk of the town; from the bagger at the local grocery store to attendees at a bridal tea to the hygienist at the dentist office, all offer their congratulations. File this under the list of things I love about living in a small(er) town: the pride of the community when one of her own "done good."

It is strange, though. I confess that, while I revel in the shared sense of pride in his accomplishments, I am also a little uncomfortable with it. I never quite know what to say other than "Thank you" (and I do thank you, all of you who have offered your words of encouragement and support--it means so much to us, more than you can know).

People, well meaning friends and family who love me, have congratulated me (me!?) on a job well done. The truth is, I may be the mom, but even if I wanted to I couldn't take any credit, mainly because I know quite well that I do not deserve any. I know all too well my insufficiencies and inadequacies. I say he's had fabulous teachers and he has. I say that he has been entirely self motivated and he has. For my part, I did read to him and I made sure he had food to eat and I did the very best I could juggling the impossible duties of mommy-hood four times over and I begged the Lord for sustaining grace and I got up the next day and I did it all over again.

Not exactly a testimony of triumph.

And besides, supposing I did want to think it's all on me, what sort of pressure would that place on my other children? We do not expect all our kids to be the same and one of my greatest concerns is that they will see our joy here, in this, and think it a mandate to go and do the same. Everyone's different, I am fond of saying, and so too our trials and triumphs both.

Truthfully, I tremble in fear at that part of me that would dare take some sort of credit. I am also afraid of either of us, my boy or his mom, getting the big head, becoming puffed up, indulging in pride rather than choosing humility, allowing the thrill of award and accomplishment to become an idol.

So if you were to offer me your congratulations I would most likely claim it all to be grace. That is true, more than you can know, but I am also a tad uncomfortable with that response. I know you've heard many a coach or player give thanks to the "Man Upstairs" for the blessing of victory and perhaps you too have rolled your eyes at the insinuation that the Lord God Almighty is somehow only the God of the victorious. I always wonder if that coach or player had lost, perhaps in a devastatingly humiliating fashion, would he/she still give thanks and acknowledge the goodness and blessing of God?

Thus when I tell you that these goodnesses that have come our way are all of grace, I would want to add something of an clarification, asserting that when I say it's grace I do not mean that those who do not receive similar accolades are thereby not quite so favored. Quite the contrary. What I do mean is that the Lord has indeed blessed us but we know that these blessings--just like anything and everything else in our lives--aren't granted to us because of some sort of merit on our part. Yes, my boy has worked hard and we are proud for him to receive recognition for his diligence. Others work hard too and we know that.

I know that blessings (and trials too) are meant to teach us something about ourselves and then ultimately something about the Lord Himself. Consider Paul who asserted his thorn was sent to him to keep him from becoming conceited and then James who reminds us every good gift is from the Father above. Good things, difficult things, both from the hand of a sovereign, good God.

I've observed every good gift tends to carry with it a corresponding temptation. Pride, for instance (his or his mom's). I've also noted, surely you have as well, that brilliance--in sports, in academics, in anything--can also lead to complacency, laziness, and arrogance, among other things, particularly so if we look only to the gift and ignore the Giver. Will we see our propensity to such evils and withstand them in the power of the gospel?

This world and its adulations will pass. Within a few month's time, most certainly less, the bagger at the grocery store will no longer be talking of my boy nor his accomplishments. What then? Will we receive this, the Lord's grace, with humility and gratitude and view it in the light of eternity? Were it heartache and not happiness that was granted to me in this hour, could I still say it's all grace? Given tragedy or triumph, will I boast only in the cross through which the world has been crucified to me and I to the world?

Don't get me wrong. We are so stinkin' proud of our boy. We are so excited and so happy and so full of anticipation for him and his future. How we long for him to be a good steward of all that has been granted to him! Such joy, it's all grace! But this too is His grace to us: teaching us the heart of deceit that lies within and reminding us of the fleeting nature of our lives even as we delight in His sovereign goodness.

So, then, as we rejoice, we hold these things with an open hand knowing that when we reach our final reward, all merits, awards, and other such worldly designations will be utterly and completely meaningless. Our testimony will not point to all that the world esteemed as valuable and worthy--how ridiculous! Instead it will be our humble triumph to joyously proclaim that through it all--the exhilarations and the disappointments, the joys and the struggles, the happinesses and the heartbreaks--we learned that we are nothing and He, the Lord, the Savior, Christ Himself, is everything. He is preeminent in all things. We will boast in His sufficiency and we will gladly lay all at His feet, His kingdom our highest aim, His glory our one desire.

Grace, grace, God's grace.

Thus says the LORD: 

"Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, 

let not the mighty man boast in his might, 

let not the rich man boast in his riches, 

but let him who boasts boast in this, 

that he understands and knows me, 

that I am the LORD who practices steadfast love, 

justice, and righteousness in the earth. 

For in these things I delight, declares the LORD." 

~Jer. 9:23-24

On women's conferences and a growing passion for God's Word

I attended my first women's conference over thirteen years ago. It was a Beth Moore conference, in the early years of her speaking circuit, with only a couple thousand attendees. So small, in fact, that its venue was a church and she did book signings in between sessions, if you can believe it.

As I said, it was my first such event and I was blown away. It seems strange to us now, in our information saturated culture of Twitter and Facebook and internet and blogs, to think that I really had no idea what to expect. All I knew of women's Bible studies was the display at the LifeWay store in the big city. That plus the Christianbook catalog were my only sources of what was happening in the up and coming world of women's ministry. Remember, this was before the DVD. I don't even think my husband had talked me into a computer and internet for the house yet! Up to that point, my only framework for ministry to women had little to do with the Bible or any sort of in depth Bible study but rather more to do with our monthly missions meetings (a good and excellent ministry in its own right).

So, yeah, as you can see, I was blown away.

So I became something of a women's conference junkie. My heart stirred by the realization that the Bible could be known and studied with a level of depth and passion that I had never before encountered, I began facilitating and leading Bible studies for the women in my church and planning trips to conferences all around the southeast. We would buy tickets and make hotel reservations well over a year in advance; we would stand in line along with the thousands of women seeking a fresh word, a fresh experience, a front row seat.

I try to think now what I was really seeking then through all my conference road trips. What appealed to me so? Some accused me, half teasingly, of being a Beth Moore groupie, an appellation I resented and resisted. True, we attended far more Living Proof Live conferences than any other; it's also true that Beth, like her or not, has an uncanny ability to relate to her audience as if you are all BFF's. Though I too considered Beth a friend, I honestly don't think it was she who inspired so many road trips but rather her infectious desire for women to be engaged in Bible study. I understand some find fault with her approach to Bible study but for me, at that point in my journey, she offered something I had never before experienced. In my ignorance her instruction seemed a feast to me, I who up until then had no idea I was starving.

As you know, if you've read this blog for any length of time, I grew somewhat disillusioned both with the big conference experience as well as the neatly edited, beautifully packaged studies marketed to women. I began to deliberately avoid video driven studies, not because I thought them evil in and of themselves, but rather because I began to observe a tendency in myself and others to study the study and yes even the teacher over and above the Bible itself. My approach to leading Bible study changed and my conference attendance waned. While I remain profoundly grateful for all those conferences I attended and the hours of video instruction I received, I find myself hungering for a substantive, serious study of the Scripture. I love God's Word. I want to know how to carefully examine it and study it and know it. I am weary of studies that are about me, me, me, full of fluff and empty panaceas. Though I often feel ill equipped both as a Bible student and certainly as a Bible teacher, I want to press on to the deep things of the Lord, to the meat of Scripture.

I do not say such as a boast nor as an indictment of specific authors or speakers. However, I do believe it is our privilege and our responsibility--as believers, as women, as wives and moms and sisters and daughters, as passionate followers of Christ desperate for His grace and desirous of His glory--it is our privilege to know His Word, to be women of theology and doctrine, and for His Word to be living and active in our lives. Therefore I am so excited about The Gospel Coalition's Women's Conference next June. Watch this video and see if you don't get excited as well!

Growing Passion for God's Word from The Gospel Coalition on Vimeo.

The Gospel Coalition describes the conference as being...

...for women but not all about women. It’s about the gospel of Jesus Christ. It’s a time to learn more of what Scripture says to us—and to say it to each other. A time to dig deeper into the character of God and his purpose for his people. A time to gather together and share biblical encouragement as sisters, daughters, wives, mothers, and friends. Several renowned Bible teachers, including three TGC founding members, will explore the theme “Here Is Our God!” by guiding us through the Bible’s unfolding revelation of God to human eyes and hearts. Plenaries will offer exposition of biblical texts in which the Lord shows himself to his people. Seminars will feature women living out the Word, seeing and serving God with transformed and transforming lives. 

"Dig deeper...share biblical encouragement...guiding us through the Bible's unfolding revelation...exposition of biblical texts...living out the Word..." Yes and amen! Sign me up! I don't know yet if I'll be able to attend but I sure hope I can! Anyone else excited? Who is going?

Interested in finding out more? Read the conference details here.

A Monday mish mash of thoughts on blogging or the lack thereof

Have you noticed I'm posting later and later each day? Like here it is after 8 pm and I am just now sitting down to attempt to post something (anything!). It has been a crazy Monday, as it is with most Mondays, and writing, editing, posting, all have taken a back burner to such pressing pursuits like grocery shopping and washing sheets and folding laundry and having lunch with my husband. The day-to-day stuff that today was the all-day-long stuff.

My twenty-one day experiment is proving to be more difficult than I anticipated (as is obvious). I've been thinking today about my blogging and my future thereof, wondering if, when this experiment reaches its conclusion next week, I will want to continue. Will I discover a rejuvenation in my blogging motivation? Will I suddenly find both the time and the fodder to blog on a regular basis? I'm still uncertain and remain curious as to what spark, if any, this next few days' of blogging will bring. I think part of me expected that my only hindrance to blogging with some degree of regularity was merely a lack of discipline. I'd gotten out of the habit, I thought; hence the 21 day experiment to jump start my writing muse. I've since discovered there are other complicating factors: time, for one, perhaps the biggest one. There are other issues at work too, like a general, albeit unexplained malaise with much that social media has to offer. I love social media; it's my place in it that has me confused.

That being said, today's something (anything) is yet again nothing though I actually do have a real post in the works, one that requires both deliberate thought and careful editing, neither of which I am able to accomplish after 8 pm, today or any day. Maybe it will see the light of day tomorrow. And I do have a couple of other posts nearly finished but languishing in the draft pile, posts also needing deliberate thought, careful editing, as well as due consideration before posting. In other words, do I really want to say what I'm saying? The conundrum of every blogger, to be sure: weighing her words to see if they are fit for public consumption. Some things, you know, are best left to oneself.

And there you have it, friends: Day 14 of Something (Anything): A 21 Day Blogging Experiment, such as it is. Seven more to go!

Sunday Hymn: Be Thou My Vision

Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that thou art;
Thou my best thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, thy presence my light.

Be thou my wisdom, and thou my true word;
I ever with thee and thou with me, Lord:
Thou my great Father, I thy true son,
Thou in me dwelling, and I with thee one.

Riches I heed not, or man's empty praise,
Thou mine inheritance, now and always:
Thou and thou only, first in my heart,
High King of heaven, my treasure thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heaven's Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my vision, O Ruler of all.

Words, Ancient Irish; translated Mary Byrne, 1905; versified, Eleanor Hull, 1912

True confessions

True confessions: I will not post anything today other than this, a public service announcement stating as such. My reasons: a busy Friday, a visit from my parents (which totally trumps blogging any and every day, blog experiment or no), Senior Night at the football game last night, waking up with a bad headache and accompanying nausea, and thus general fatigue. Instead of writing and posting, I have rested and napped and am now about to head out to watch my youngest play football. So, happy Saturday, friends! Perhaps tomorrow will hold fresh content here at the blog but no promises... If there is any truth to the Something (Anything) philosophy of blogging, it is that there is grace when life trumps both the something and the anything that may otherwise be blogged. However, I do know for certain with a new day comes new mercies as well as a fresh provision of daily bread, glory to God!

It's only a table

When we married, my husband and I had very little furniture. We were renting a small one bedroom apartment so we didn't need much: sofa, bed, chest of drawers, T.V., most all of which were donated to us by various family members. It was a hodge-podge, to be sure. One necessity we lacked was a table and chairs. With some money gifted to us at the wedding, we purchased four chairs, a table top, and four table legs, all unfinished, and set to work sanding and staining and painting and attaching legs to the table top. We were so proud of our industry! The chairs I still have, though I've since repainted them once or twice.

When we bought our first home my mom lent us my great grandmother's table. A little nervous about little preschool hands and playdoh and crayons and toys and other similiarly potential hazards unfriendly to antique family heirlooms, we were glad to temporarily help my mom out by storing her table for her while simultaneously enjoying a beautiful piece of furniture in our kitchen.

We moved to Alabama and brought her table with us. It was too large to fit in our kitchen so we bought a small ceramic top table that easily fit the four of us (and no more). My mom's gorgeous table was relegated to the dining room and thus reserved for special occasions like birthdays and Christmas.

My mom eventually reclaimed her table and we ended up inheriting one that came with our next home purchase that was left behind by the previous owners. It easily sat six, a definite plus since our family had grown by that time. However, our dining room remained empty. That is, until my mom once again came to the rescue, this time spotting a beautiful set in a used furniture store. We bought it, she refinished it (win-win for us), and it served us well first in our dining room and then in our breakfast area once we inherited my husband's grandmother's table, chairs, hutch and buffet.

I loved our old table but when my friend decided to sell hers, a newer, sturdier table with a seating capacity of 8, we sold ours and bought hers. I felt a little silly at the sudden rush of nostalgia that hit me when my husband carried out the old table. It's just a table, with no sentimental value. That is, no sentimental value other than the countless meals and homework assignments and piles of books, jackets, and mail it had sustained over the years. Plus, it was old. The new table was, well, new, only a couple of years old compared to the decades of my previous table.

For my son's sixteenth birthday bash we extended the new kitchen table to its full length, allowing for eight guests to sit comfortably, something we had never been able to do with the other table. I liked it. We kept it extended for several weeks, and having such an expanse of table was both convenient and useful. Last week, however, I took the leaf out, returning the table to its smaller size. I found I prefer the six of us sitting closer, me being able to sit at the foot of the table and see the faces of those most precious to me in one glance.

This table too will no doubt see its share of homework and piles of paper and mail and jackets and iPods and pencils and backpacks and the like. It seems to me there are fewer and fewer meals we share together, all six of us, thus each one of them a blessing and a grace.

I know. It's only a table. I know I'm over sentimentalizing and I'm okay with that. Today, to me, in this current state of nostalgic melancholy, it is also a metaphor, a picture, a taste--of grace, of family, of memories, of hope, of love, of things precious to me.

Thankfulness on Thursday

I am joining other blog friends in giving thanks on Thursday for the blessings and the mercies of the previous week. Today I thank the Lord for the following...

• A new cut and color. I know, I know, hair color and hair do's are totally frivolous blessings but blessings I am grateful for nonetheless.


• The bounty of having plenty to eat and then some, a blessing brought into sharp relief as I cleaned out my fridge today. In fact, I was more than a little ashamed at the quantity of food I had allowed to spoil and thus had to toss. I am thankful for the Lord's provision in granting us food, good food, lots of food, to eat.


• The privilege and responsibility of being a stay at home mom. Sure, cleaning out the fridge isn't exactly the stuff dreams are made of but I am glad for it, not for the gross-ness of such a task so much but for the opportunity to serve my family in the care of my home.


• My husband who works hard to provide for us and take care of us and allows me the frivolity of a cut and color.


• The healthy dose of self examination and corresponding conviction that accompanied the discussion in Bible study of "fruit" vs. "root" repentance.


• The book of Jeremiah.


• Chick-Fil-A.


• Friends.


• Cool weather.


• Football Fridays.

Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside! 

What are you thankful for this week?

I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart; 

 I will recount all of your wonderful deeds. 

I will be glad and exult in you; 

 I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.

~ Psalm 9:1-2

Today...

Today...

...I did not clean out the refrigerator this morning as I intended.

...I did watch the end of an Inspector Lewis episode I recorded a couple of weeks ago. It is a cold and gray day, perfect for a British murder mystery--or, at the very least, the last half hour of one!

....I did not fall asleep watching the end this particular episode as I've done the first two times I attempted to watch it. Finally, I know who the murderer is!

....I did go to the Crisis Pregnancy Center as is my usual Wednesday routine.

...I did not know how to say "Happy Birthday" in Spanish but I still sang to the precious little Hispanic boy who accompanied his mom to the Center today. "Tomorrow his happy," she told me with a big grin as she kissed his cheek.

...I did enjoy attempting to converse with a sweet family who know the Lord, but English, not quite so much. I was glad we were able to meet some of their tangible needs like diapers and warm clothes.

...I did not run my errands after leaving the Center.

...I did come home, make a pot of coffee and change into a sweatshirt and jeans.

...I did not wish for the warm 80's of yesterday but confess to being somewhat chilled by the sudden drop in temperatures. Chilled or no, I'm liking the cool weather. Lows in the 30's this week, yes!!!

...I did pick up chicken fingers from the grocery store deli for supper. I am tired, I feel like maybe I'm getting sick, I did not want to cook, and I'm okay with that. Plus I scored major mom points with my boys.

...I did not feel like posting today, blogging experiment or not.

...I did post anyway, such as it is.

A look and a glance, revisited

A month or so ago my son was up and out of the bed somewhat earlier than usual. When asked about his unusually early start to the day, he replied he was going to breakfast with "his girl."

"And that's not you anymore, babe," my husband teased me with a look that seemed to wonder: will she laugh or will she cry? Bless his heart, sometimes he never knows.

I did neither. Instead, I smiled my agreement as I thought of a post I wrote a few years ago in which I expressed curiosity over this very phenomenon: the girlfriend. I am sharing that post again today, but not for any of the reasons you might think. My son does indeed have a girlfriend; however, we are quite unlike the mom and girlfriend I describe in the following post. There are no awkward conversations or feeble attempts at superficial small talk, no pretended pleasantry. Instead there is very real pleasantry! "His girl" is a fantastic girl, someone I like and enjoy very much, just the sort of girl every mom wishes for her son, a girl who loves the Lord Jesus and seems to really like my boy, a girl who borrowed, read, and enjoyed my copy of Jane Eyre. Really, what more could a mom want? :)

No, I re-post, not because of any awkwardness, social or otherwise, but as yet another testimony to the quick passage of time. I've told you before: time, it flies. I thought about this stage then as being distant in the future and yet here I am, far sooner than I thought. As usual, I am caught between gratitude for the now that is now and astonishment that the now is really the now...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

From the Lisa writes... archives, circa August, 2008

My number two son's soccer game was nearing its end. The players for the next game were warming up on the sidelines, big boys, young men really, probably seventeen or eighteen years old. As I cheered after my son's header goal (a goal scored by hitting the ball into the net with your head), a group of spectators for the next game crowded in around me: what appeared to be a mom, a dad, a young girl (16 or 17 herself) and a grandpa trailing behind.

Though the stands were hardly full, they must have liked the looks of my vantage point because we were all wedged in pretty tight once they took their seats. Evidently they could not read my body language that clearly stated "Get out of my way--my boy is playing out there and I cannot see THROUGH you!" not to mention "Hello? I like my SPACE!"

Anyway, because of our close proximity, I was able to observe and listen, and through the course of their conversation, I discovered this little family was indeed a mom and a dad and a grandpa of one of the players soon to take the field.

Their son/grandson walked by at one point, his mom saying something to him, maybe asking him a question. (Wonder if she's like me and asks before every. single. game: "Got your shin guards? Cleats? Water bottle?") Though he glanced at his mom as he answered, he looked at the girl and only the girl.

She was the girlfriend.

This I could tell not just from the looking by the young boy, but by the obvious effort the mom was making at conversation. As I heard her ask the girl about what classes she was taking and attempt to make small talk about the last soccer match, I detected some small strain in her voice, some small degree of pretended pleasantry that didn't quite ring true. Oh, don't get me wrong, she was nice, extremely so. I just got the impression she was trying too hard, her heart not really in it.

I thought: I've seen my future.

Yep, one day, sooner or later, though no doubt it will come much sooner rather than later, I will be the mom making small talk with the girlfriend. She will be a nice girl, she'd better be, but still I will feel as if I must try too hard and be too pleasant because part of me will wish for the look and not the glance.

He loved me first and best, I will want to say. She of course will not believe me and neither will he. I didn't either, not until I became a mom and literally became the center of his world. Though it was only a few months until he preferred his daddy and then several years (still counting...) until he preferred the girl.

I'm not saying I want to tie my children to my apron strings; not at all. I've seen mothers who smother and I do not wish that for myself nor my boys. I once had an older and wiser friend remind me that we raise our kids to let them go, and so I do. I just didn't know it would happen so darn fast and that the letting go would be so bittersweet.

When it is my turn to sit in the bleachers making small talk with some young thing and my boy walks by with a look for her and a glance for me, may I be kind and gracious, thankful for the opportunity to love him and raise him even as I let him go, trusting the One who gave him to me in the first place.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Something (Anything): A 21 Day Blogging Experiment, Day Eight

In which something (anything) is really nothing at all

So, it's day 7 of the 21 day experiment and blogger's block has set in. Big time. So much so that last night, knowing my 21 day commitment and knowing I had nothing by way of post content for today, I polled my family for ideas. "What should I post about tomorrow?" I asked, not realizing that asking an honest question requiring a thoughtful answer is not best received while said family is sprawled out on sofa and chair in front of an NFL game.

"Write about Friday being Senior night, the last home football game," my second son suggested. I'm guessing he figured after my post about his birthday I could easily wax nostalgic again, this time on his brother's last few remaining games of his football career. He's right, I can totally work nostalgic, just not today.

My oldest son just received his acceptance letter to the college of his choice; one of my guys suggested I write about that. What could I say? He's leaving home in a matter of months; the letter just made it all the more official. And real. I'm not ready to say much more at this point. We are proud, yes. Very. I am also overwhelmed and sad and maybe in denial just a little bit. All of which you've heard and will no doubt hear again as we get closer and closer to the big transition.

By the way, I love that my boys are proud enough of their big brother to be so generous with his bloggy press. :)

"Write about {insert some random object}" one of my younger sons recommended. He was being silly and he knew it. Who can write about a shoe or a pillow or whatever it was (I can't even remember) he identified as potential blog fodder? I am not quite so talented with the keyboard to render any object interesting, and the thesaurus would only take me so far. Blogger's block hinders whatever small (very small) degree of creativity I may have previously enjoyed.

So I sought my friend's advice today as she and I were out walking our dogs. "What can I write about today?" I asked as we were both jerking and being jerked by our puppies on their respective leashes. "I have to post something (anything!) and I'm stuck. Only seven days in and I'm so stuck." We had just been discussing the merits of decorating for fall. For instance, autumn decorations are the only ones that can be displayed for two months. Though neither of us actually do any such decorating, we agree maybe we will, one day. Pumpkins and mums we like. We saw some personalized artificial pumpkins and we like those too. Thus her suggestion: blog on fall decor. Unfortunately I just exhausted all I know and can therefore pontificate on in regard to autumnal design.

"Or, you could write about us walking our dogs," she suggested, though I think that there might have been a question as to who was really walking whom, us or the puppies.

My husband and I had lunch today and I put the question to him. "You could post about YNAB" was his recommendation. We had just been discussing the budget and the ease of entering transactions via the You Need A Budget ("YNAB") app. I could, I suppose, but the subject is much nearer and dearer to his heart than mine.

Football, my son growing up, walking my dog, budgets--these are the sort of nothings among a multitude of nothings that make up the something that is my day to day life. Thus today's "Something (Anything)" is really nothing at all, at least nothing of significance, but perhaps it is enough of something (anything) to help me persevere in my commitment to blogging daily.

What about you? What do you do when faced with writer's block? Where do you find post ideas?

Sunday Prayer: The Deeps

From The Valley of Vision...

LORD JESUS,

Give me a deeper repentance,
a horror of sin,
a dread of its approach;

Help me chastely to flee it,
and jealously to resolve that my heart shall be thine alone.

Give me a deeper trust,
that I may lose myself to find myself in thee,
the ground of my rest,
the spring of my being.

Give me a deeper knowledge of thyself
as Saviour, Master, Lord, and King.

Give me deeper power in private prayer,
more sweetness in thy Word,
more steadfast grip in its truth.

Give me deeper holiness in speech, thought, action,
and let me not seek moral virtue apart from thee.

Plough deep in me, great Lord, heavenly Husbandman,
that my being may be a tilled field,
the roots of grace spreading far and wide,
until thou alone art seen in me,
thy beauty golden like summer harvest,
they fruitfulness as autumn plenty.

I have no Master but thee,
no law but thy will,
no delight but thyself,
no wealth but that thou givest,
no good but that thou blessest,
no peace but that thou bestowest.

I am nothing but that thou makest me,
I have nothing but that I receive from thee,
I can be nothing but that grace adorns me.

Quarry me deep, dear Lord,
and then fill me to overflowing with living water.

Something (Anything): A 21 Day Blogging Experiment, Day Six

Words Worth Pondering from D. A. Carson

Something (Anything): A 21 Day Blogging Experiment, Day 5

From The God Who Is There by D.A. Carson...

Biblically faithful Christianity does not present itself as a nice religious structure that makes happier parents and well-ordered children and good taxpaying citizens. It may produce better parents and taxpaying citizens, but the issues at stake in biblical Christianity have to do with eternity: heaven and hell, matters of the utmost significance, your relationship to your Maker, what God has provided in Christ, what the cross is about, the resurrection. At the end of the day, what hell measures is how much Christ paid for those who escape hell. The measure of his torment (in ways I do not pretend to begin to understand) as the God-man is the measure of the torment that we deserve and he bore. And if you see that and believe it, you will find it difficult to contemplate the cross for very long without tears.

In celebration of my second boy's sixteenth birthday, though somewhat tardily

Today I confess (once again) another failure (yes again) as both a mom and blogger: I let my second son's birthday slip by with only the merest of mentions here on the blog. And it was a milestone birthday to boot: his sixteenth. I wouldn't feel quite so badly--after all I do not pretend to be a prolific mommy blogger nor even a prolific blogger in general--except for the fact that his brother hitting the big 1-6 garnered a post all its own, with pictures.

So, yes, my number two boy is sixteen (plus one month and two days). Just like when his brother turned sixteen, I feel once again caught between the bitter and the sweet. So much sweet. And perhaps because his birthday is in September, right smack in the middle of the chaos that is the start of school and football season and soccer season, I sometimes feel as if I am being carried away by the swell of time passing by in such a rush so that I cannot stop and think and remember and reflect. Or, blog as the case may be. So, yeah, a twinge of sadness and melancholy too. He is growing up so fast, becoming a man right before our eyes, a good man, a Godly man, a man who in this mother's eyes is still (will always be) her boy.

I am so proud. My boy is such a delight and brings so much joy and laughter to us. Personality-plus even as a baby, his great grandmother called him "Smiley." See what cuteness he was then:

And what handsomeness now:

I admire his wit, his diligence, his determination to work hard at whatever goal he has set for himself, not to mention his mad hula-hoop skills! I am so grateful the Lord granted us this precious stewardship of being his parents. What joy. What blessing. I love my boy, more than I can articulate, and I pray for him, as I pray for all my boys, that he would love the Lord with all his heart, all his mind, all his soul. That he would not be ashamed of the gospel but that he would be a bold witness to the glory of the Lord Jesus in all that he does. May he walk with the Lord all the days of his life and may he always know how much his parents love him. To God be the glory!

This is my fourth post for the Something (Anything): 21 Day Blogging Experiment

Thankfulness on Thursday

Something (Anything): A 21 Day Blogging Experiment, Day Three

Today I am joining other bloggers in expressing gratitude on Thursdays for that week's blessings.

This week I give thanks to the Lord for the following, among a multitude of other undeserved graces and mercies...

• The fall-ish weather in which I can wear boots four out of the last five days without looking ridiculous.


• The fall-ish weather in which we have been able to have our windows open throughout the day.


• Fall in general. I love October and November and, yes, even December and January. This is my favorite time of year!


• The privilege of hearing God's Word preached with power and authority and the faithfulness of the Holy Spirit to bring conviction and encouragement through the preaching of the living Word.


• My girlfriends and sisters in Christ at my church and the fellowship and community we enjoyed Tuesday night over bowls of soup and slices of strawberry cake. I love laughing together and praying together and finding encouragement together in God's Word.


• Sharing lunch with my fellow counselor at the pregnancy center.


• The opportunity to share the hope of the gospel with a client at the center and the confidence that when I offer her the good news that Jesus saves, I am offering to her the best and highest hope. 


• My husband who loves me so much, still, and takes care of me and insures I have the newest version of iTunes so that I may be able to download the latest iPhone software. Technology is his love language and I am so thankful!


• After two busy, hectic days of errands and the like, a day at home to take care of the home-y sorts of privileges and responsibilities. Laundry, for example. Cleaning the bathrooms, perhaps. Walking the dog. A true hermit homebody at heart, I love home!

• Fellow bloggers who are joining me in this blogging experiment. 

What are you thankful for this week?

I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart; 

 I will recount all of your wonderful deeds. 

I will be glad and exult in you; 

 I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.

~ Psalm 9:1-2

Thoughts on Surprised by Oxford

Something (Anything): A 21 Day Blogging Experiment, Day Two

I am nearly halfway through the memoir Surprised by Oxford by Carolyn Weber. It is one of those rare books that, thirty pages in, you know you will love. And I do. I am thoroughly enjoying Carolyn's chronicle of her first year at Oxford and her corresponding journey to faith in Christ. Beautifully written  with both honesty and piercing insight (Carolyn is a literature professor from Oxford after all), Surprised by Oxford is a compelling read.

By no means is this a full-fledged book review, but here are a few of my initial reactions halfway into the memoir...

• I want to visit Oxford. The storied history, the beauty of the city and the school so carefully described in Carolyn's book, the rich tradition...all make me want to go and see for myself. I have always been something of a Anglophile (Hello? Jane Austen?) but now more so. Thanks to Carolyn's account plus the gorgeous Oxford scenery of Masterpiece Theater's Inspector Lewis series and I am so there. One day, perhaps!


• I am no academic. Carolyn employs many literary and poetic references throughout her book, some I recognize and appreciate, most I do not. Who really quotes John Donne? Or John Milton? Or Samuel Coleridge? Who even reads poetry? And understands it? Poetry is one thing but the same goes for much of her allusions to various works of literature. I can't decide if this revelation of my lack of literary prowess relieves me or shames me. This much is certain: Oxford material, I am not. Which, by the way, does not alter my appreciation of Carolyn's book nor of her obvious scholarship. Quite the opposite! I love reading of the type of world and experience where ideas are considered and contemplated and weighed and questioned and deliberated and discussed and argued and pondered, which leads to my next observation...


• Carolyn's account of her introduction to Christianity and her ensuing exploration of matters of faith is refreshing. Growing up steeped in the religious culture of the Southern Bible belt, I sometimes forget that my faith is a thinking faith, a rational faith--one that wrestles with and confronts and radically changes the way we see life, our worldview as it were. Truth carries far reaching implications, something we who grew up going to VBS sometimes forget in our esteem for the "way we've always been taught." For Carolyn, Christianity represents far more than a cultural way of life. It is a radical upheaval of all she has embraced and advocated, an upheaval that both unsettles and amazes her as she explores the implications of belief in Christ in relation to issues like feminism and fatherhood and forgiveness and love. It is a change that changes everything, she writes. Yes, indeed. How easily I take such change for granted. One reviewer has described the book as being for thinking Christians. Surprised by Oxford is thinking book, to be sure, a sharp, poignant, piercingly smart book and even as a sometime non-thinking non-academic I like it.

Something (Anything): A 21 Day Blogging Experiment

There are nearly 750 bloggers participating in the Nester's "31 Days of...." a blogging carnival of sorts in which participants commit to publish a post a day on a single topic throughout the 31 days of October. I don't know which amazes me more: the promise to post for 31 CONSECUTIVE days or having enough to say on a single topic to write that many posts. And the topics are themselves eclectic: everything from 31 Days of Photo Tips, 31 Days to a Better Wardrobe, 31 Days of Fall Organizing, 31 Days of Free Printables, 31 Days of Tomatoes, and on and on it goes, a true testimony to the wide and varied nature of blogging. Take, for example, the 31 Day series that perhaps intrigues me as much as any other: 31 Days of Library Living. Yes and amen.

While I cannot, in my current state of bloggy limbo, imagine choosing a single topic and extrapolating said topic over 31 posts, I've decided to embark on a blogging experiment of my own, one I'm calling  "Something (Anything): A 21 Day Experiment." As the title suggests, I am going to attempt to post something (anything) every day for 21 days. In doing so, I hope to answer nagging questions like: Do I like blogging any more? Is my blogger's block a function of a lapse in writing regularly? If yes, will a commitment to do just that--blog on a regular basis--grant me perspective on my writing life or lack thereof?

You may be wondering, as I, if I really will be able to post something (anything) on a daily basis. Probably not, but I'm willing to give it a try, admittedly something of a challenge given the fact that I probably haven't posted 21 times in the last 4 months combined. However, in the interest of full disclosure, I'm quite certain not all 21 posts will be original material. I may post quotes from books I am reading, I may recycle old posts, I may link to someone else's post. Regardless, I hope that through this experiment I will remember what it is I loved about blogging and rediscover my blogging muse, as it were.

What about you? Are you also muddling through a blogging lull? What to join in with your own experiment? Maybe 21 days is too ambitious (I'm beginning to agree)--what about a five day or ten day experiment? Let me know if you choose to attempt a writing commitment; we can encourage each other  to press on through whatever block or lapse or lull we may be seeking to overcome.

Twenty one posts?! Can I do it? Let's find out!

Status Report, October

Sitting... at the dining room table.

Loving... our fall-ish weather. Love it. LOVE. IT.

Heading... to the big city today to spend a birthday gift card. Fun!

Wearing... BOOTS!!! Yes! On Sunday morning at church, my friend and I (both of us boot-clad of course) high-fived in celebration of the arrival of boot season. Yes and amen.

Recommending... Unbroken. Go, read it. Now. The less you know about it, the better. Even if you think you know what it's about, read it anyway. Louie's amazing story told with Hillebrand's storytelling is worth the price of the book and then some.

Reading... Steven James' novel The Queen. A suspense/thriller wasn't really what I was looking for after finishing Unbroken (a suspense/thriller in its own right, and truth not fiction) but I've gotten caught up in the latest adrenaline rush from Steven James despite myself. I'm having a hard time putting it down even to type up a blog post, such as it is...

Surprised... to see my 5 Minutes for Books review of Steven James' earlier novel in the series, The Rook, quoted in the front of The Queen. How fun is that?

Finishing... The God Who is There. Soon I hope. It has been such a rich, thought provoking, faith building read that I've taken my time getting through it. Good stuff. Also recommended.

Attending... in a Bible study on Tuesday mornings, the first such study I've done in ten years or more in which I haven't been the teacher or facilitator or planner or leader in any form or fashion. Strange but in a good way. I find myself in something of a lull in my own teaching and being a part of this study (as a back row student no less) has been good for me. I'm thinking through some things that need thinking through.

Praying... for friends and acquaintances each enduring their own unique pain and heartache and anxiety and many other trials and heartaches and worries. Oh, God, have mercy.

Editing... a post I began Tuesday. The post itself I wrote fairly quickly but since writing it I have edited and edited and edited and edited and...to the point I despair of it ever being posted.

Wondering... why, when one hardly ever posts, one feels an inexplicable unwillingness and wariness to post anything? Wouldn't you think that if one hasn't posted in, say two weeks (or more), one would have all sorts of things she'd be eager to write about and that words would then come easily and quickly? Not for this blogger. Quite the contrary. I am as insecure a blogger as ever.

Watching... the illegal immigration conundrum unfold right before our eyes in very tangible ways. In fact our town has been featured in various national news outlets. Regardless of your opinion on Alabama's new law, for many in our community the issue has names and faces. A complicated situation with no easy answers.

Wishing... you all a happy October and a wonderful fall!