Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving, friends! The blog will be silent in the next few days as we will be enjoying time with family, one of the many things I am humbly thankful for! As you observe this season of giving thanks, I hope that you not only enjoy lots of good food and a football game or two but also a renewed sense of wonder and worship before the One who has given us all good things, the Lord who is gracious and merciful, whose steadfast love endures forever...

I give you thanks, O LORD, with my whole heart; 

before the gods I sing your praise; 

I bow down toward your holy temple 

and give thanks to your name for your steadfast love and your faithfulness, 

for you have exalted above all things your name and your word. 

On the day I called, you answered me; 

my strength of soul you increased.

All the kings of the earth shall give you thanks, O LORD, 

for they have heard the words of your mouth, 

and they shall sing of the ways of the LORD, 

 for great is the glory of the LORD. 

For though the LORD is high, he regards the lowly, 

 but the haughty he knows from afar. 

Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; 

you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, 

 and your right hand delivers me. 

The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me; 

your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever. 

 Do not forsake the work of your hands.

~Psalm 138

What's On My Nightstand, November

It's that time again, time for 5 Minutes' for Books' monthly carnival What's On Your Nightstand? wherein carnival participants post what they're reading, or what they've recently finished reading, or what they plan to read, or a combination thereof. For me, here's a look at my recent reading activity...

Recently read...

Far from the Madding Crowd by Thomas Hardy. This title has been on my mental "To Be Read" list for a long time and I'm glad I finally got around to it! It's not necessarily a plot driven novel and the reader is able to guess the ending fairly quickly but that does not in any way detract from the enjoyment of the read. In fact, I would say it is the setting as much as the plot and characters that make the novel enjoyable. The pastoral setting of a rural English farm and its metamorphosis through the seasons make a fascinating and charming setting.

I also recently read two Josephine Tey mysteries: Brat Farrar and The Man in the Queue. I much preferred The Man than Brat; I really liked Inspector Grant and in my opinion the Brat storyline grew rather tedious. Of course, I am a huge fan of British murder mysteries and The Man did not disappoint!

Currently reading...

• The Killer Angels by Michael Shaara, a Pulitzer prize winning novel about the battle of Gettysburg. So far, it's really, really good. I had never heard of this book but saw it mentioned on a friend's Facebook page when she asked for book recommendations. Shaara's son, Jeff, also wrote a prequel, Gods and Generals, which I may have to check out once I finish Angels.
• Why Church Matters: Discovering Your Place in the Family of God by Joshua Harris I am nearly finished with this title. I like it and think its message an important one. Watch for an upcoming review.
• King's Cross: The Story of the World in the Life of Jesus by Tim Keller. I only just started reading this, an overview of the life of Christ as chronicled in the gospel of Mark. I do like Keller and the other books I've read by him.

Hoping to read next...

I've checked the following books out of the library (which is no guarantee I will actually read them but I do have them in my possession at least temporarily):

• The Zero Game by Brad Meltzer. I saw this mentioned on a friend's blog and I thought it looked intriguing.
• A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khalid Hosseini. I do not like sad books so I don't know if I will actually be able to read this one or not. I once started but never finished The Kite Runner because 1) it was so sad and 2) I figured out where the plot was headed.
• I Still Dream About You by Fannie Flagg. I love Southern fiction but haven't ever read any of Flagg's novels so I have no idea if I will like it or not.

I'm also interested in reading...

• The Screwtape Letters by C. S. Lewis
• Basic Christianity by John Stott
• Extraordinary, Ordinary People: A Memoir of Family by Condoleeza Rice
• The Bible or the Axe: One Man's Dramatic Escape From Persecution in the Sudan by William Levi

I may also attempt to revisit 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I started it ages ago but put it down because I found it difficult to read in terms of simple reading comprehension (I know! I feel so dumb sometimes!). However, a friend is considering blogging through the book and I'm thinking of joining her.

Whew! Am I ambitious or what? The funny thing is I've recently been through a reading drought of sorts where I didn't read anything at all for two or three weeks--I guess maybe I think I have to catch up or something?

So, what are you reading? Have any recommendations for bibliophiles like myself? Let us know in the comments or link up your own Nightstand list at 5 Minutes for Books!

Confessions of a social media misfit

Last night I gave my friend a crash course in Twitter, Pinterest, and the like. My husband took a picture of us huddled over my friend's laptop and posted it to Facebook and Twitter (of course) with the label "Technology instruction," which is something of a misnomer since it wasn't technology so much that comprised my tutelage as social media. Of technology I am mostly ignorant. Of social media, well, I wouldn't say I'm an expert by any means (Stumble Upon? Klout? These things are mysteries to me) but sometimes I like to try.

I think I've told you before of my general unease in regard to much of my social media interaction, be it blogging or tweeting or perusing Pinterest. Sometimes, most times, I love it. As I've confessed on here many times, I love interacting with friends from across the globe. I love our internet conversations via  comment thread or email. I love the exchange of ideas and information and the discussion of life and theology and parenting and the gospel and difficulties and such. I know the blessing of true and genuine friendship with several women I respect and admire and this only because of social media. Not only that, but also in more general terms, we human beings are curious creatures and my twitter feed satisfies to some degree this curiosity I have about the lives and thoughts of others. So, yeah, I like having a small (very small) media presence on the web.

Sometimes, though, as much as I like it, social media has a tendency to depress me. I know, because I know my own tweets and blog posts and status updates, that the image presented in these public forums is only a slice of the real. Though I attempt to portray as authentically as possible the real me here on the world wide web the reality is such that you see only a portion of me and my life, a portion I control. It easy to forget this, however, when I'm reading others' glowing, peppy, happy-happy updates. Sometimes my life, my faith, seems drab in comparison. Sometimes I am drab in comparison. Sometimes I am envious. Sometimes I am depressed. Sometimes I want to indulge my hermit tendencies and delete any and all social accounts.

I am not, by nature, a very social person. In fact, I am much more shy and insecure than most people realize. Because I am in personality reserved, the social part of social media can be overwhelming. I marvel at those who can tweet about any and everything, and tweet with such wit to boot! Amazing!

Part of me thinks these are silly things for me to be pondering. What's the big deal about tweeting or not tweeting? It isn't life or death, that's true. Eternity doesn't hang in the balance over my pins on Pinterest. I would not be in the right or in the wrong if I continued my Facebook account or suspended it. I am not leading my friend astray by showing her the wonders of Tweetdeck or all the fascinating information to be found on Pinterest.

Rather, my thoughts today are considering what my occasional reticence says about me and about the place I give to social media in my day to day life. Why do I blog (when and if I blog)? Why that painful twinge when I look at the number of site visits here at the blog? Can I see social media for what it truly is or do I let it be an unhelpful influence? Do I tweet for the glory of God? Why does that sound like a silly thing to ask? These are good questions, important questions.

Despite my unease, I do not anticipate a complete retreat from all things social media related. I imagine I will continue much as I have done, with an intermittent and occasional presence. Though I know that my relationships via the world wide web are real and I am so grateful for those very real friendships, my first priority is to the more real of my real, non-virtual life. In other words, blogging must take a back seat to cooking supper.

But, for the curious, you may find me every now and then here at the blog or via the other venues which you can follow or subscribe through the links there to the right on the sidebar.

What about you? Do you love or merely tolerate social media? Or do you avoid it altogether? Am I the only insecure, hermit-prone misfit? How do you strike a balance between your real and virtual communities and responsibilities?

True Confessions

• If I harbor any sort of bitter prejudice, it is against snobby, elitist soccer moms in fitness gear.
• Such prejudice may or may not be related to some racially motivated comments made by one such soccer mom during my son's state soccer tournament.
• Evidently I do harbor a sort of bitter prejudice for which I must duly repent. It would seem the elitist soccer mom and I are both in need of much grace.
• Of the four novels I checked out of the library a week or so ago I read two and put aside the other two before even getting halfway through. Of the two I read I only really liked one.
• Sometimes I realize quite quickly that a book just isn't worth my time.
• And sometimes I wonder if maybe my standards for what constitutes a good book are too high.
• Thus, despite the stack of books I have on the bookshelf yet unread, all of which are no doubt good reads, I am still restless and looking for that can't-put-it-down-good book.
• I am deeply appreciative of the kind words I received in regard to my Bittersweet post.
• I really am okay. A friend told me the other day she was worried about me. I am bittersweet, yes, but in a good way. I think.
• I do feel guilty about my younger sons rarely receiving any blog press.
• I have three other children; did you know that? :)
• I attended two Veteran's Day programs last week at my sons' schools. I love Veteran's Day programs. I nearly always end up with tears in my eyes.
• I am grateful for our veterans and their families and the sacrifices they make.
• I cannot help but think of my good friend's son who recently returned home after a tour in Afghanistan. I stood next to him at a football game this past fall as we sang the National Anthem. I could barely sing of the home of the brave without tears in my eyes, knowing the bravery of the Marine next to me.
• I hardly ever remember my dreams but last week I remembered two of them very distinctly; one night's dream had my husband getting in a fist fight, in the other everything we owned was being taken from us by force. Strange, on both counts.
• Sometimes I wonder what I would do, who I would be, apart from my stuff. What if I really were to lose all I owned? Could Hebrews 10:34 be my testimony?
• Last week I went to an estate sale of a gentleman my husband and I loved dearly and as I gathered a miscellany of items to purchase I thought of eternity and how fleeting our lives really are and how little our stuff matters in the end. I still bought stuff though and was glad for it.
• However, speaking of stuff, I have been obsessing unnecessarily over finding a pair of black boots. I would be ashamed to admit to you how many hours I've spent combing the Zappos site.
• I am already striving to ward off my dread of the holiday season. It's nearly the middle of November; can you believe it?!
• Despite my holiday issues, I do like Thanksgiving. It's the forgotten holiday, lacking the commercialization and materialism associated with nearly every other American holiday observance. I like that. Plus, there's good food and plenty of it.
• But, I think that New Year's is my favorite holiday. There's no travel for us associated with that particular date and we just lay (lie?) around the house and watch football and be lazy all day long. I like it.
• I love football, y'all know that. I love soccer too. But basketball? As a spectator, basketball is a whole 'nother level in terms of excitement. I can't wait for the start of my sons' basketball seasons Tuesday!
• I have worked on this post (such as it is) long enough. As much as I sometimes resent it, particularly on a Monday morning, laundry calls. 
• Today I remind myself once again that it is my privilege to serve the Lord by serving my family and caring for my home even though I'd much rather watch an episode of Masterpiece Theater than make a grocery list. Just keepin' it real.

I'm just a mom

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to attend a luncheon honoring distinguished alumni of our local high school. From educators to athletes to businessmen, fifteen alumni who had achieved distinction in their particular field were honored with a place in the newly chartered Wall of Fame. It was fascinating, to say the least, to learn of each receipient's various successes and accomplishments. Fascinating and exciting and inspiring.

I couldn't help but think of my own life and, quite frankly, how it pales in comparison. Should someone compose a list of my achievements it would be a short one indeed. And quite boring: She graduated from college in 1990. After two semesters of graduate school, she gladly forfeited her advanced degree and decided to marry a wonderful, godly man who she still loves dearly after all these years. She received her Post-Baccalaureate Teacher's Certification just in time to move to Alabama where she gave birth to her first child, with three more to follow within less than six years. From then on, for the last seventeen and a half years, her greatest accomplishments include raising her four sons without (yet) losing her mind and having a working knowledge of the offsides penalty in soccer. Other noteworthy feats include seventeen years' worth of washing limitless loads of laundry, packing innumerable lunch boxes and maintaining a (somewhat) sanitary home. Under her care, no son has played a sporting event in a dirty uniform more than once (or perhaps not more than twice). All children entrusted to her have yet to starve to death.

I'm being silly and I know it. I do realize that what I do is important. Sometimes, though, I've grown so accustomed to seeing my life in micro segments that stepping back and grasping the macro view tends to overwhelm me just a little. I'm okay with thinking in terms of what must be accomplished today and maybe tomorrow: laundry, dishes, car line, football practice, grocery shopping.  But when I see all of those today's lined up, nearly eighteen years' worth, and they are virtually identical in their struggles and frustrations and responsibilities...well, sometimes, and only some times, I think to myself: this is not the life I always dreamed of.

Indeed, who would dream of seventeen (plus) years of cooking supper and washing dishes and cleaning up all sorts of unmentionable gross-ness? Surely my twenty year old self whose greatest aspirations, though not clearly defined, included among other things a power suit and the Wall Street Journal, she would not have guessed that at 43 hers would be a life of the sort of mundane ordinariness that has not and will not accomplish anything the world will value. She could not. She still sometimes cannot.

I hear women, usually women who have achieved some sort of success--however you may define it--encourage me to dream and do. That if I do not follow my vision, reach for the stars, maximize my potential, dare to risk--well, then, I will somehow miss out. One may infer, from their admonishment, that God is merely waiting on my acquiescence to grant my wish, answer my longing, fulfill all my dreams.

I once had such a dream, what I thought was the Lord's unmistakable call on my life, and, interestingly enough, in this dream I knew all sorts of success and accolades, not to mention the admiration of many. Reality has proved to be quite different. Obscurity, not fame. Work, boring, mundane work, not recognition and acclaim. Yes, I can--and seek to--do all things for the glory of Christ and that in itself is the highest and best calling but, still, cleaning the bathroom is cleaning the bathroom. I know that the Lord, in His gracious providence, has granted a measure of success and influence to some and I am grateful for the ministry of many such women. It is not so for most of us. Most of us are cleaning the bathroom.

Yesterday the bagger at the grocery store asked me if I worked. "Nope; I'm just a mom," I said and I was glad for it. I'm just a mom, a very ordinary and flawed mom. I'm a wife, also ordinary and flawed. I know that my accomplishments, such as they are, will never be lauded at a luncheon nor will my picture adorn a wall of fame. Though I sometimes wince at that realization, ultimately I know that my calling is not about achievement. Quite the opposite. It is the call to die to myself. Living to Christ. Loving Him with all my heart, soul and mind and others as myself. Serving in selfless humility. Doing all in the name of Jesus and for His glory. Giving thanks to God the Father. Forgetting what is behind, straining toward what is ahead. Confessing and repenting of my sins. Joyfully proclaiming the gospel. Suffering the reproach of Christ. Eagerly awaiting His appearing.

So I'm sitting at the luncheon, duly impressed with the accomplishments of these new Wall of Fame honorees, thankful for their success in their chosen fields. Despite my initial panic over my own perceived lack thereof, I learn something from their example. I learn that excellence is a worthy pursuit. I learn that discipline and hard work are critical whether one is a CEO of a major corporation or of a family of six. I thank the Lord for the blessing of obscurity and for the privilege of serving Him in anonymity and I ask Him to grant me the discipline and delight I lack. Whatever I find to do, I want to do all for His glory. I am the humble jar of clay and He is the Treasure. May I be found faithful.

Bittersweet

Astute readers of the blog may remember this past weekend was a busy one for us: soccer games and football games, all carrying important playoff and championship potential. Yeah, well. I told someone last night that this weekend was an important lesson for us in learning the discipline of losing with grace and humility. Both can be difficult, losing well and winning well, but losing is certainly the more painful.

It was my oldest son's last football game and they lost in spectacular fashion. There's the rub with the playoff distinction: it is destined to end badly for all but one. No one expects to lose with such flamboyance, however, making a tough night all the tougher for this senior class who has played season-long with heart and determination.

I was my proud of my son Friday night as I watched him walk out of the locker room, face streaked with tears, heading straight for his daddy, hugging him and thanking him. "For everything," he said. I may have wept some too; who could not? This was a moment not about football or wins or losses but about change, about transition, about growing up, about things that will no longer be. This, this thing he loved, this thing he was, this part of our lives, it's over.

I watched him thank his first football coach from back in sixth grade. He told me later of how he also attempted to challenge and encourage the underclassmen. "Be leaders," he admonished them. "Step up. It's your turn now." I hope, I pray, that he knows that this is part of his legacy. Not long field goals or number of receptions nor even touchdowns; none of those matter, really, in the long run. It's people. It's relationships. It's walking the walk. It's living a life worthy of the call of Christ.

"I can't believe it's over." A familiar refrain, from senior football player and senior mom alike. "It went so fast." "Time flies." Oh, yes, yes, it does, far faster than I knew. Wasn't it only yesterday that I made him run laps around the backyard to burn off some excess energy? And, now, I watch him close a chapter on his life with a gracious humility. Parenting is many things, bittersweet among them.

Despite my melodrama here, life as we know it is not completely over. Not by a long shot. We have basketball season and soccer season and the flurry of graduation and its accompanying pomp and ceremony, not to mention the various and sundry (and yet unknown) preparations for college. Much to celebrate. Much to plan for. Much to anticipate. Much to be thankful for. Much to revel in. We do not dwell on what was in some sort of morbid depression, but we do pause to reflect and realize that our boy is growing up. This bittersweet sadness is merely a reflection of the joy we have known. So much joy! To God be the glory!

Sunday Hymn: As the Deer

As the deer panteth for the water
So my soul longs after You
You alone are my hearts desire
And I long to worship You.

You alone are my strength, my shield
To You alone may my spirit yield
You alone are my hearts desire
And I long to worship You.

I want you more than gold or silver
Only You can satisfy
You alone are the real joy giver
And the apple of my eye.

You alone are my strength, my shield
To You alone may my spirit yield
You alone are my hearts desire
And I long to worship You.

You're my friend and You're my brother
Even though you are a King
I love You more than any other
So much more than anything.

You alone are my strength, my shield
To You alone may my spirit yield
You alone are my hearts desire
And I long to worship You.

~Martin Nystrom

On being the student, a back row student no less, and not the teacher

I think I mentioned to you that I am attending a Bible study on Tuesday mornings. Attending, not leading, a phenomenon so rare I'm not sure it's occurred in over fifteen years! No, wait; I take that back. I think I did go to a Precept study at a sister Baptist church here in our city a couple of times and I did talk my friend into facilitating a six week class years ago but, other than that, it's been ages since I've participated in a study I wasn't leading or facilitating or somehow in charge.

I think I also told you it is a little strange, being the student, a back row student no less, and not the teacher. Strange but in a good way. I think. I'm struggling somewhat with my role as Bible teacher, and this class has helped me not only in terms of thinking through the content of the study itself but in also in broader terms, with issues about Bible study in general and its goals and structure and my own passion to lead, or not, as the case may be.

It is admittedly more than strange to consider me not having a class, me who was once so sure of her call to lead and encourage women in the study of God's Word. I was so confident of my place in the teacher's chair that I waxed eloquent in posts past on why I teach and why I find it compulsory.

I miss that fervor, that zeal.

A few months ago I read Kathleen Nielson's Bible Study and, as encouraging and instructive as it is, I found it equally humbling and convicting. In fact, there were times in the course of reading that I was struck with a holy fear as I considered the sometime cavalier attitude I took toward Bible study in years past. I shudder when I think of some of the things I have asserted as I presumed to teach and the lack of care with which I sometimes approached God's Word. True, I was woefully, pitifully ignorant but I see no excuse for ignorance in James' warning to teachers who presume upon the influence and authority they are granted (James 3:1).

In the Bible study I am attending I haven't agreed with the teacher on all points. I'm not certain, yet, how to approach her with my concerns nor even if I ought. As a (former?) teacher myself I am sympathetic to the hints of insecurity I sometimes think I can detect (or, then again, perhaps it's my own insecurity I see...).

I hope my hiatus from the teaching is short lived. Though I am afraid of it as much as I desire it, if not more so, I do miss it. I hope that this experience as student will be used by the Lord to make me not only a better teacher but a better student of His Word, a better woman, a woman whose heart is stirred and whose convictions are firm and whose earnest desire to honor the Lord--as teacher or as student, as He wills.

Thankfulness on Thursday

I am joining other blog friends in giving thanks on Thursday for the blessings and the mercies of the previous week. This week I thank the Lord for...

• My husband.


• The fun of a couple of big football wins last weekend for my two football players. Two very exciting games and the thrill of hard fought victories reminding me of greater joys and greater victories, those of the truest and lasting kind that await all who yearn for Christ's coming.


• The family all together, all six of us, sitting at the table for Sunday lunch.


• Lazy Sunday afternoons.


• The fellowship of friends around my table and lasagna on my plate.


• The Pioneer Woman's lasagna recipe.


• My friend's homemade garlic bread.


• The ministry of our Crisis Pregnancy Center and the resources the Lord has granted us to be able to help our clients with various needs from diapers to formula to maternity clothes. 


• Praying with my church.


• Walking my dog on crisp, cool fall mornings.


• The thanksgiving of my internet friends prompting my own thanksgiving. Gratitude is contagious!


• Emails and texts from friends asking for prayer.


• Friends who pray.

Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside! 

What are you thankful for this week?

I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart; 

 I will recount all of your wonderful deeds. 

I will be glad and exult in you; 

 I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.

~ Psalm 9:1-2

Status Report, November

Sitting...at the kitchen table.

Drinking...coffee, black. Have I mentioned to you my great affection for my Keurig? My boys love it too--very handy for making a cup of hot chocolate and so they do, quite often.

Enjoying...a brown sugar bar, courtesy of Veronica's recipe. Yummy!

Admiring...the gorgeous fall color of the tree in the backyard. I am quite certain I've mentioned to you my affection for the fall season, all the "-er" months as my friend Melissa says.

Attempting...to snap a picture of the beautiful gold-orange of the tree outside my French doors so you may catch a glimpse of the view I am enjoying. But, alas, I am no photographer and my lack of photography skills coupled with the use of an iPhone to take the shot, well, it doesn't do it justice. I'll just have to leave it to your imagination.

Celebrating...the (somewhat) successful conclusion of the Something (Anything!) 21 Day Blogging Experiment! Twenty-one (almost) consecutive posts!! Woo-hoo! 

Considering...a giveaway of some sort to make such an important milestone as 21 (almost) consecutive days of blogging. Did you know I have never, not once, in five years of blogging, ever hosted a giveaway? I'm thinking maybe I'm due...if only I could think of something way cool to give away! 

Wondering...how it got to be November already. This year is flying by all too fast!!

Trying...to wear my hair somewhat curlier and fluffier. I got a shorter cut last week but have a hard time "fixing" it without it looking like a brown football helmet (Steel Magnolias, anyone?).

Bookmarking...this series on the women of the Reformation. 

Reading...absolutely nothing. Nothing at all! For almost two weeks now! It's killing me! Any suggestions? I want something really, really good; something I can find at our local library perhaps?

Cooking...Kim's Tangy BBQ chicken recipe. It's been in the crock pot for about six hours now and it smells wonderful.

Preparing...for a busy weekend of football and soccer. Our oldest son's football team will play in the first round of the state playoffs Friday night, our second son will be playing in the state soccer tournament (multiple games over the weekend), and our youngest son's team will be playing Saturday night for their division championship in the pee wee football playoffs. Three different venues in three different cities, mind you! Yeah, it's crazy, but fun too.

Thinking...about the gospel and more specifically what need(s) it addresses. I'm probably not making much sense because at this point my thoughts are still rather nebulous but here's what I'm thinking about: do I need the assurance that God loves me and has a wonderful plan for my life (both of which are true) or is it more critical that I see God as holy and my sin as wicked and depraved and that I must repent in order to know the life He offers through His Son? In other words, do I begin with me or with God as I consider the gospel? Today I heard a presentation of the "Four Spiritual Laws"; hence my pondering. I do know what I think in terms of the questions I've raised here; my ponderings are more along the lines of weighing the differences between the approaches and what, if any, theological implications result.

Finishing...this post so I can go put on yet another load of laundry.

Happy November, friends!