Lisa writes...

Hope

2012-03-06T09:10:00.001-06:00

I am gathering my things in preparation to head home in a few minutes' time. It's been a slow morning at the Crisis Pregnancy Center in terms of clients but a busy one in terms of administrative tasks like putting together a bulk mailing to local churches and counting monies from our Baby Bottle fundraiser.

The front door dings as two young women enter, each carrying a baby, both little ones all wide eyed and solemn, their moms not less so. I greet them with a smile and ask how I can help.

Do you do pregnancy tests? one of the women asks me, a nod of her head and a glance of her eyes indicating her companion. After the requisite forms had been filled out and pertinent information gathered, I take her back, the woman wanting the pregnancy test, I show her the bathroom and where to leave the cup, and then I watch her baby, all smiles and gurgles on the sofa in front.

I chat with the friend.

We're both of us from the domestic violence shelter, the friend tells me. I give the baby another smile as my heart breaks just a little. So sweet, the babies and the women both. What horrors have they endured? I can only wonder.

After checking the test, I tell the woman what she's already suspected. She is pregnant. Tears fill her eyes and she looks up, toward the ceiling, and in her broken English whispers, oh God. Not a curse, a petition. She sighs and holds her baby close, kissing the top of its head. She didn't want to be pregnant she tells me. But, yes, she will keep the baby. Of course she wants her baby. God is good, she says. He knows. No, the father will not be involved she states with a shake of her head and is it fear or relief I see in her eyes?

I tell her we can help. Maternity clothes, diapers, baby clothes. We will help. Please, let us help. And I want to tell them to take care of themselves, of their babies, that they did right to get out and to get away and that the Lord sees and knows and hears and rescues. He does. He promises. He must.

I give them both some diapers and some baby food. I pat the babies on their backs. I tell the women the good news, the best news, that Jesus saves. Trust Him, I urge. They nod. I know God, she tells me and I am glad. She will need Him. I hug them. I walk them to the door. Please, let us help you, I say again. We can help you, both of you. They thank me graciously, humbly, and with dignity.

I get my purse. I drive home. I reply to email. I eat a piece of chocolate. I check my twitter feed and there I read of various lunch plans and of the latest fashion trends and of the presidential candidates' various agendas and of links to all sorts of blog posts on everything from decorating to doctrine. I read about a rich pop star dying in her bath tub and about laments and indictments over one pastor calling another pastor's critics heretics and where oh where is the proof of such accusations? And I think to myself how inane, not that politics is unimportant nor that heresy, real or perceived, ought not be confronted or decried, but oh so much drama and yet those two women have never even heard of modalism or panentheism nor do they speculate on the cause of Whitney's death and of what importance is fashion when you are pregnant and living in a shelter with your baby and several other moms and children and babies? Not even a room to yourself not to mention the basic, and greater, needs of safety and shelter and security.

I think to myself how easily I am insulated from and inoculated against such tragedies. I am blind to much, most, of the heartache that surrounds me. Sometimes I choose my blindness and when I do see I often despair of my inability to even glance the surface of such gaping need. What are diapers and jars of baby food when one has no home, no job, and no security?

Oh, I claim to love the gospel--and I do, indeed I do--but sometimes I more adept at dissecting it and defending it and denigrating those who disagree with it than declaring it. In my selfishness I forget its glorious truth: Jesus saves. What other hope do my two new friends have? What hope do I? If Jesus does not save, then I am lost. Dead and desperate, doomed in my sins and transgressions, I need saving. Sin is my biggest problem and salvation is my biggest need. Same for you, same for us all, same for these two women. How much, how desperately, they need hope, hope that sustains and strengthens, hope that extends beyond their present circumstance, hope that points to peace and joy.

And how will they know unless they are told? Faith, hope, comes by hearing and hearing by the word of Christ. This is the glorious mystery that is our privilege to believe and to proclaim: Christ in you, the hope of glory.

To my shame I confess I sometimes ignore the real world in which they live, these two precious, battered women and their babies, preferring instead the assumed safety and security not just of social media but of my self righteous smugness. I forget both the good news that Jesus saves and that there are many--hundreds, thousands, millions even--who are desperate and dying apart from this, the hope of salvation found in Jesus Christ.

Author's note: We at the crisis pregnancy center where I volunteer affirm our clients' rights to privacy and it is with this commitment in mind that I have deliberately altered or even deleted pertinent details in this post in order to keep my clients' anonymity intact.

I have linked this post up at the Write It, Girl! challenge for the month of March. Click on the button to find out more and to see other participating posts.

For the love of reading

2012-03-05T10:32:00.001-06:00

Last week marked Dr. Seuss's birthday and schools across the nation commemorated the author, his books, and books in general by participating in Read Across America, a program emphasizing reading motivation and celebration. At our local elementary schools, this means a succession of guest readers from various leadership positions in the community as well as other fun activities like a book fair and family reading night.

This year was my fourth (fifth?) time to be invited to participate as a guest reader, a privilege I always enjoy very much. As you know, I love to read, I loved reading aloud to my boys, and I love encouraging a similar love in others. Last Tuesday I read to a second grade class. As I walked in the front door of the primary school, I was greeted by a sweet fourth grader holding a sign that read "Looking for...Mrs. Lisa Spence," just like I was somebody important or something (ha). As my assigned ambassador, she escorted me to the classroom where I would read and introduced me to the class, her introduction something along the lines of "This is Mrs. Spence. She has four boys in our schools. She is nice." Who could ask for a better recommendation? I love it.

Guest readers have the option of choosing a book there at the school, and there were many options available, or bringing some titles from home. I took three picture books that my boys had enjoyed and that I had enjoyed reading to them: The Napping House, You are Special, and Harry the Dirty Dog. It's always great fun to visit old book friends!

Thursday I was invited to read to my son's sixth grade class. Once again I was met at the door by a school ambassador, this one being the cutest sixth grader at the school. He also happens to be my favorite sixth grader in the whole wide world! He introduced me to the class, his introduction concluding with "and she's my mom," an declaration made with only the faintest of a blush.

Sixth grade being a little more challenging crowd in terms of reading choices, I deliberated over my reading material, considering girlhood favorites like Anne of Green Gables or The Witch of Blackbird Pond, thinking that a few pages of a chapter book might be more respective of their age and ability than, say, a picture book about a clean dog who gets dirty and then clean again. I finally opted to read the first few pages of The Mysterious Benedict Society in the hopes that some of them may be inspired to read this wonderful book on their own. No one in the class admitted to having read it before so maybe they will!

I love Read Across America and the opportunity it grants me to visit the classrooms of our elementary schools and to share my love of reading. I also throughly enjoy rummaging through my bookshelves, remembering and revisiting favorite reads as I look for a book or two to share.

Status Report, March

2012-03-02T13:19:00.002-06:00

Sitting...at the kitchen table. The dining room table, my usual status report locale, is strewn with books, bibles, papers, a jacket and a purse, among other things. In contrast, the kitchen table is unusually uncluttered.

Drinking...tea, iced and sweet.

Waiting...on the bad weather that may or may not come. After sustaining significant damage a couple of years ago, our community doesn't like to play too safe. The schools dismissed early and now we wait and see. I think these particular storms have already wreaked havoc up to the north of us.

Liking...the sunshine we're experiencing at the moment but what from I understand that means greater risk once the storms do move through.

Reflecting...on our Bible study group yesterday morning and our open, honest discussion, the very best kind of discussion and of Bible study both. I am encouraged and grateful and humbled. The Lord is so good! What a privilege He has granted me to delve into the truths of Scripture with such godly, passionate, serious students of His Word.

Feeling...terrible (terrible!) that I missed Leslie's Skype call which meant that she missed Bible study. I don't know what happened!

Embracing...the skinny jean trend. Yeah, really. Well, sort of. And kind of liking it. I ought to add that I am also Hoping... that I do not look ridiculous. I have a friend, a friend who is younger, trendier, cuter and nearly every other comparative you can think of, and she and I have been dishing on fashion. I can't tell you how flattered I am that she would think me a worthy conversant on the subject! :) Anyway, she and I have decided to give the skinny jean a try. I'm really wanting a red pair, is that crazy?

Wondering...if all such fashion talk has diminished any respectability, however small, I may have enjoyed as a serious blogger. :)

Reading...The Enchanted April and loving it. I can't wait to see the movie! I'm thinking a month in Italy sounds wonderful; who's in?

Also reading...Wordsmithy and enjoying it too. I like the freedom this statement gives me (and here author Douglas Wilson is encouraging the practice of reading voraciously): "Go for total tonnage, and read like someone who will forget most of it." He goes on to say that although we may forget most of what we read we will still be shaped by it.

Needing...a serious spring cleaning campaign to sweep our home (pun intended). I've begun making a list of all that needs attention, both big and small, the problem of course being that the making of a list does not necessarily correspond to the completion of such list. In other words, I need to just get up and clean something. I tell myself that it's better to have a plan, that a haphazard attempt does no good, but always planning and never attempting isn't good either. Sigh.

Deciding...what to do with my Pinterest account what with all the copyright brouhaha. Anyone else out there on Pinterest? Did you keep your account or remove it? Did you delete any pins? I'm thinking this sounds like the most reasoned response.

Heading...upstairs to put on a load of laundry and clean something (see above). Maybe. Or maybe I'll see how much reading tonnage I can get under my belt today (also see above).

Wishing...you all a happy March! Stay safe out there!

What's On My Nightstand, February

2012-02-28T11:50:00.000-06:00

Here's a look at what I'm reading this month!

RECENTLY FINISHED READING:

Lit!: A Christian Guide to Reading Books by Tony Reinke

Highly recommended. I am quite certain this title will make the favorites list among books I've read this year! Whether you would define yourself as an avid reader or not, you will find encouragement and challenge by reading this book about reading. I was afraid I might either feel guilty over what I do read or overwhelmed by all I should. Neither was the case! Reinke develops a theology of reading and then moves to helpful tips for deciding what to read as well as how to read it. Excellent stuff.

Amy Inspired by Bethany Pierce

If you were to read the various reviews of this novel posted by book bloggers and amazon shoppers you would find it to be something of a lightning rod. It seems readers either hate it or like it. Though I appreciate reading negative reviews (and often find them more revealing than the positive), I chose this title for our book club thinking it would spawn some interesting discussion. We haven't met yet but I can tell you my instinct was correct. :) The story is well written and compelling and and yet also honest and raw. I liked this book but it is not your grandmother's Christian fiction. I'm not certain the rest of the book clubbers liked it so much but we'll find out next week!

Miss Pym Disposes by Josephine Tey

I'm a fan of the British murder mystery, no doubt about it, but this particular mystery, not so much. Miss Pym is a delightful protagonist and Tey writes with barely concealed amusement in her characterization of the psychologist turned sleuth. However, perhaps it was the setting of a physical therapy school for girls and the rigors the girls endure that made the novel seem outdated and difficult to immerse oneself in. Do such schools still exist? I don't really know. I much preferred Tey's Man in the Queue.

CURRENTLY READING:

The Enchanted April by Elizabeth von Arnim

I just began this novel, the story of four women living in an Italian villa for a month, and so far, so good. If first impressions can be trusted then this will be a book I enjoy very much. I've got the movie in my Netflix queue ready to watch upon completion of the book!

Wordsmithy: Hot Tips for the Writing Life by Douglas Wilson

I'm not sure how much of a writing life I really live, not much of one if the blog is any indication to be sure! However, after seeing this book quoted in several places across the web I thought perhaps I too could benefit from Wilson's writing encouragement. Who knows? Maybe the blog will be the better and the more prolific for it. Or, not...

Bloodlines: Race, Cross, and the Christian by John Piper

We are continuing to read this as part of our Wednesday night study at church.

CONSIDERING READING NEXT (subject to the whim of the reader, of course):

In Cold Blood by Truman Capote

I'm still considering reading this account of a brutal murder in Kansas. Some of your comments last month have swayed me a little so we'll see...

The House at Riverton: A Novel by Kate Morton
Staci recommended this title to me and since I loved Morton's The Distant Hours, I can't wait to read this title next!

A Place for Weakness: Preparing Yourself for Suffering by Michael Horton
From the publisher's description: "Horton exposes the pop culture that sells Jesus like a product for health and happiness and reminds us that our lives often lead us on difficult routes we must follow by faith. This book offers a series of powerful readings that demonstrate how, through every type of earthly difficulty, our Father keeps his promises from Scripture and works all things together for our good." Yes and amen.

Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God, Not Food by Lysa Terkeurst
Our next book club selection, another book certain to generate some interesting discussion I think!

Still thinking about reading...

One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp

Growing Up in Grace: The Use of Means for Communion with God by Murray Brett

I'm also looking at reading something by Flannery O'Connor. Any recommendations?

Oh, and by the way, you can keep up with my reading progress at the reading tab at the top of this blog!

What are you reading this month? Let us know in the comments or link up at 5 Minutes for Books where you can also check out what other bloggers are reading!

The truth about Twitter...and me

2012-02-27T14:33:00.001-06:00

I love Twitter. Though I do maintain an occasional presence on Facebook, checking in on my friends there from time to time, posting the sometime status, and linking to the rare blog update, I find I much prefer the simplicity of Twitter. There I see all of the tweets and updates of those I follow, and in chronological order too, something you don't seem to always get via Facebook. Plus I kind of like the challenge of creating a pithy, 140 character tweet (and I refuse to admit how long such a composition takes me).

I've been thinking about the phenomenon that is Twitter and the accompanying benefits and pitfalls therein. Quick aside: today I had the weirdest experience in which a college "friend" (a fractious friendship at best) shows up in my Twitter feed via a RT ("retweet" for you non-Twitter types). This after over twenty years of zero contact whatsoever! Isn't that weird? Maybe it is a small world after all.

All such weirdness aside, I find that for all our tweets regarding all things mundane and the not-so mundane, Twitter is sometimes, often, only a one dimensional snapshot of a person's true personality. For example, I follow someone whose tweets are for the most part declarations of disdain which is rather depressing really. Another fellow Twitter-er seems to only tweet in criticism, rather sharp and shrill criticism at that. I think either of them would be surprised that that is my general impression though I don't know for sure because, really, I only know them via Twitter! I also follow a blogger whose Tweets are often marked by exclamations of "Woot!" and "Swoon!" and other such enthusiastic verbiage. Is it fair that I think her slightly overexcitable based on her tweets? Probably, though I must admit my own reluctance to indulge in extreme emotion of any sort may color my perception. It's no doubt unfair and unsound for me to draw generalizations about any of my follow-ees based only on their Tweets.

Over three hundred people follow my Tweets and I wonder what they see of me? Last week I filled my feed with basketball scores and exuberant declarations of team pride and school loyalty. Am I always so obnoxious, like in my real world? No. Quite the opposite. What about when all I seem to Tweet is links to my own blog? Do others think, as I sometimes assume about others who only post links, that I only want your blog traffic? Can my followers glimpse the real me via a few sets of 140 characters posted here and there? Does it even matter? Am I over-thinking Twitter and my place in it?

Perhaps. I do tend to over-think and I know it. I understand that Twitter and other social media is, in its essence, one dimensional. You see what I let you see and no matter my intentions to full disclosure and my commitment to honesty and authenticity you will never see the full me, the real me. Not in 140 characters.

So it falls to the Twitter-er to be careful, to think through how one may or may not be perceived, to be both deliberate and discerning in what she posts as well as generous and gracious and slow to judgment toward those whose Tweets she follows.

You can follow @lisa_writes on Twitter (or click the link there on the right sidebar). Should you do so, what I hope you'll find is much the same as you see here on the blog: a wife and mom who is completely ordinary, utterly insufficient, and humbly grateful for the saving mercy and abundant grace of Jesus Christ.

On the close of basketball season, Col. 3:17, and moving on

2012-02-24T09:46:00.000-06:00

So, my son closed the door on yet another chapter of his high school career yesterday. Several months ago I made the rather obvious observation that this would be a year of lasts: the last first day of school, the last football game, and then yesterday, the last basketball game. It's been quite a season for this team, earning "Elite Eight status" and a berth in the Northeast Regional Finals game of our state playoffs. I'm not sure anyone expected this kind of success from this team, not back last November, most of the opinion they hadn't the talent of last year's team. Plus a 3-5 (wins-losses) start didn't exactly inspire confidence.

This group of seniors knows what it is to defy expectations. Their seventh grade year they finished with only 7 wins, a mere 4 their eighth grade year. About halfway through their freshman season they started winning and haven't looked back. My son calculates his high school record as 87-23, pretty impressive for four seasons.

A couple of weeks ago one of the moms posted some pictures of the boys when they played together in elementary school. We chuckled at their youth and awkwardness; we were incredulous at how fast the years passed and how quickly our boys grew up. How far they'd come!

And yesterday it ended. It is the bane of the playoff distinction: a heartbreaking loss ending the season for all but the state champion. After the game we gathered on the gym floor and outside the team locker room: parents, friends, grandparents, girlfriends. We patted the team on the back, we shook the coach's hand, we hugged our boys, we blinked back tears, we were so proud. My son had been emotional, I could tell--and who could blame him? So many years, so many games, so many practices, so many joys in victories and, yes, even a few agonies in defeats, now all memories.

I am so proud of him, of the whole team. It has been great fun watching them play! Though perhaps in the early years I was a more nonchalant fan, caring only about the game because, well, you know, that was my boy playing, I'm now a full fledged enthusiast, as those of you who follow me on twitter well know since I glutted my twitter feed yesterday with score updates and expressions of team pride. Yep, I'm one of those moms / basketball fans and proud of it!

I've also enjoyed being a part of a group of moms showing their support for their boys with meals and tee shirts and posters and goodie bags and all sorts of other creative endeavors. Through the course of football and basketball seasons I've decorated buckets and made posters and even employed the use of a paint pen. While my sentimentality is only slightly greater than my creativity (which is nil), it's been fun to not only see what else the more creative moms come up with but also to stretch my own creative muscles. On nearly every thing I made for my son I wrote "Col. 3:17," a reminder to him to do all for the glory of the Lord, whether sitting on the bench or shooting free throws or running drills at practice. Success on the hardwood is great and wonderful and exciting and perhaps to some degree important but it does not compare to eternity. My son knows this which makes me all the more proud of him.

Grace, grace, God's grace.

This morning he and I sit at the table with our respective cups of coffee and reflect on the game and how close it really was, a few missed shots and turnovers aside it might have been us advancing to the Final Four. But it is what it is, we conclude: a great run, so much to take pride in. Something he will miss, absolutely. Something he loved being a part of, very much. But no regrets, he tweeted last night.

He gets up from the table, grabs his soccer bag and heads to school, reminding me as he goes out the door that he'll be home after soccer practice this afternoon.

Time to move on.

Friends

2012-02-20T14:22:00.000-06:00

This past Saturday I had the privilege of speaking at a ladies' brunch at a friend's church here in our community (and if you were there Saturday and thus found your way to this blog then a big "Hello" and "Welcome" to you!). It was a great honor to share God's Word--humbling too. How I hope and pray I was a faithful witness to the glories of God in Christ! My friend tagged along and I am glad; though I knew several ladies there it's nice to have the presence of a good friend to support with prayer during and then with much-needed encouragement after.

Always, always, after I teach or speak I suffer from acute doubt. Maybe not immediately, sometimes even a couple of days afterwards, but it always comes. I will find myself worrying and obsessing almost to distraction over what I should have said and didn't, what I did say and shouldn't have, and all that I said that was dumb or silly or...well, you get the picture. About the time I was indulging in these usual fears and worries, I received a text from another friend who was there Saturday, a text of affirmation and testimony of how the Lord used my words (mine?!??) to bless. My friend probably doesn't have any idea how timely her text was for me but I am thankful for friends who encourage!

Later that same evening yet another friend texted (I love text messaging--anyone else?) to see how the brunch went and expressed full confidence in me (me???!). I texted back confessing zero confidence in myself but that the Lord was faithful. She had prayed for me, she said. I am thankful for friends who pray. The Lord is indeed faithful.

On Friday I cooked a meal for my son's basketball team. Well, to be fair, I cooked most of a meal. Two of the aforementioned friends helped me out just a little: one with a pot of green beans and one with a basket of homemade yeast rolls (with honey butter, yes and amen). My friends were glad, even delighted, to help me out and make me look good in the process.

I am thankful for friends like these I've mentioned and many more I haven't. Friends who will cook a dish or two because I ask, friends who send encouraging texts, friends who give me gifts just because they think of me, friends who love me and love my family and love my boys, friends who let my kids crash at their place while we're out of town, friends who support and encourage, friends who I know I could call no matter the day or the time and they would help with whatever I needed, friends who sharpen me, friends whose passionate pursuit of the Lord inspire my own. Good friends are indeed blessings from the Lord!

To be honest, I don't make friends easily. I really am as much of an introverted hermit as I confess here on the blog. Social situations intimidate me. I tend to retreat to my own society and I'm convinced you prefer just the opposite! It is precisely because of this shy (and sometimes sinful) tendency to keep to myself that I am all the more grateful for those who extend their friendship with such open pleasure. It may sound silly and self deprecating but it's true: I am sometimes surprised when someone truly wants to be my friend.

So, to my friends, and I'm quite certain you know who you are, let me say here that I am grateful for your friendship and for how the Lord has so richly blessed me through you. You encourage me and you make me better as you continually point me to the Friend who sticks closer than a brother: Christ Himself. Thank you for gifting me with your your company, your companionship, and your camaraderie! I am glad we walk this journey together as sisters in Christ. The Lord is so good!

Motherhood, grace, and eighteen years

2012-02-16T07:00:00.000-06:00

In this month's status report I mentioned my oldest son turning 18 (EIGHTEEN!!) and I promised my usual melancholy nostalgia would be featured in an upcoming post. Well, today's the day! I thought it might be fun to post a few pics in honor of my boy's far-too-brief babyhood.

Here he is on his birth day with his proud daddy...

Our little family...

His first Easter, my dad and grandfather in the background...

One of my favorite shots...

I love how he's holding on tight to my shirt in this picture...

Spaghetti, anyone?

His first birthday. My mom made his scotty dog outfit...

In the hammock with his "baby"...

Thanksgiving program at preschool...

His first soccer game. What a good looking coach--and so young too! :)

Kindergarten graduation. I remember thinking at the time that I would turn around and he would be wearing the cap and gown of his high school graduation. And so he will this May. Crazy!

He and I this past Christmas...

And the three of us after a football game this past fall...

And all of us at Thanksgiving...

Yesterday I was ~~complaining about~~ commenting on how it seems all I ever do is laundry. Laundry, laundry, laundry, all the time laundry. My youngest son, always seeking to encourage and defend me, observed that soon I won't have as much to do since there will be one less of us, a fact that always seems to surprise me though I think about it every time I fold a load of clothes. My mind and my heart protest, asserting that surely he's too young to be gone and so soon too! It's not possible, I think, and certainly inconceivable to consider he will no longer be home every night come August.

I was unsure I was ready to be a mom when I discovered I was pregnant. It was my husband who excitedly watched the pregnancy test and who joyously shared the good news with friends and family. I spent most of my pregnancy scared and worried and convinced I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready that is true--no one ever is--but when the doctor placed him in my arms I was sure. I was a mom and in that moment I was, and forever will be, grateful beyond measure.

I'm not the best mom, not by anyone's standards, and truly nothing has revealed my deepest insecurities and my desperate insufficiencies like motherhood. I can't do this, not well, and I've confessed such in brokenhearted tears over and over and over throughout the last eighteen years (and three more children). I've seen the very worst of myself exposed; yet I've also seen the extravagant goodness and grace of a merciful and loving Father. I'm not enough, that is heartbreakingly true, but He is more and then some.

The past eighteen years have been the best of my life. I love being a mom to four wonderful sons whom I love more than life itself. We have known much laughter, much joy, much happiness. The Lord has been good to us! My husband and I are so proud of our boys and so humbled by the privilege that is ours to love them and raise them. We know that our oldest boy turning eighteen and leaving home isn't the end of anything but merely a difference in the way things have been. We will miss him--oh yes, indeed we will--but we eagerly anticipate the blessings and joys yet to come!

So, to our oldest boy, on your birthday (or a couple of weeks later as the case may be), we want you to know how very much you are loved. Your accomplishments thus far are amazing and we hope you will be a wise steward of all that you've been granted. As proud as we are of your accolades and achievements, we want but one thing for you: that you love and serve the Lord Jesus with all of your heart, your soul and your mind. We are so proud of the man you have become and we pray that you will be a bold ambassador for the kingdom, unashamedly proclaiming the gospel, doing everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

There, and here

2012-02-15T08:47:00.000-06:00

I've been thinking about Nicaragua and the week-plus-one-day I spent there. It's funny how memories and recollections cross your mind unbidden. As I write this, I am wearing a wooden bangle I bought at the market on what we thought would be our last day, nearly two years ago now. Perhaps it was me getting dressed and choosing the bracelet that prompts my remembering, though I must admit my choice was induced more by what matched my outfit than so much a token of remembrance.

I was at the pregnancy center and funnily enough Nicaragua popped up in conversation. Not my conversation but a conversation I overheard in which my friend was telling another friend about an acquaintance wanting to plant a church there, in Nicaragua. Turns out that friend, the one she was talking to, had served in Nicaragua as a missionary for several years. "I've been there," I interjected. "Which part?" she asked, the woman who had been a missionary. As I stumbled over the names of the towns we visited, I remembered. The heat, so oppressive to us who had left bitterly cold temps and snow and ice in Atlanta. The chatter of Spanish. The crowded classroom. The sweat rolling down my back. The passion of my translator. The cool relief of a bottled Coca-Cola.

There is a team on the ground there in Nicaragua even as I type. I was asked to join them, to teach a much-needed women's conference. After consulting our calendar and discussing with my husband, I declined, though somewhat reluctantly. I know my first and primary responsibility is here, at home, with my children, but still, sometimes I am torn. When our plane finally left Managua two years ago I wasn't sure I'd ever want to return but sometimes, some time, some day, I do.

I think of the women I met, of their eager hospitality, of their hunger to know the Lord, of their desire for Bible study despite the standing room only, shoulder to shoulder crowd spilling over out the door. I think of my friend, herself a pastor's wife, speaking to the group of pastors' wives with such sincerity and passion and I also see the two of us searching out the best spot for even the faintest wi fi signal so we could get some contact, any contact, of home and our loved ones there. Yes, it was only a week and yes, we were homesick, desperately so. Or at least I know I was!

I imagine our brief stay in Nicaragua has been forgotten by those we were privileged to serve. No doubt other teams have come and gone, also teaching and praying and sharing and evangelizing and serving and working and, also, finally, leaving. I know because I see pictures on Facebook and I realize our trip wasn't quite so unique as I'd thought. In fact, I just clicked on a shot of the ladies attending the conference I might have taught and my heart may have winced just a little.

Well, so perhaps our trip wasn't so unique, at least not so much to the Nicaraguan nationals, but it was certainly unique to me, it being my first (and so far only) international mission trip. Being there, in another country, another culture, in an environment different from my own, it changed me and now two years' out I still see its effects reverberating in my heart and mind. What privilege was mine, to glimpse the Lord's heart for the nations among the people of Nicaragua!

Though our trip may indeed be similar to many others, I do know our work was not, is not, in vain. The gospel was proclaimed and the Lord has promised His Word is effective to accomplish His purposes, glory to His name! How I pray, as I pray for the team there now, that seeds of eternity are sown, then, now, and that the Lord will reap a great harvest for His kingdom and for His glory. We do not serve to be remembered for ourselves. Rather, whatever good we may do, whatever of worth we accomplish, it is all the Lord's doing and we serve there, and here, for His name's renown and not our own.

Author's note: I wrote this post over multiple days a week or so ago yet never fully completed editing until today (And, yet, is the editing process every really over? Who can know?). Just so you know, I left in the references to "today" even though the "today" mentioned in the post isn't really today. In other words, I'm not currently wearing a bangle bracelet and the mission team is now home. Is that confusing?

On Valentine's Day and ordinary days too

2012-02-14T09:23:00.004-06:00

Y'all know I have holiday issues, mainly being that I just don't like them. Were I to rank my dislike of specific holidays Valentine's would probably come in as my least favorite. Don't get me wrong: I have people in my life I love very much and I like telling them so. I just don't like feeling as if my love is somehow better expressed on a specific day.

I once made the statement here on the blog that I didn't need a $5 card to know my husband loves me and it's true. My husband demonstrates his love for me day in and day out in the way he serves me and works hard to provide for me and makes me laugh and supports me and stands by me despite seeing the very worst of me. Love shows itself true and he truly loves me. Far more than I deserve and I am so grateful. He is a good man, a godly man, a man who loves the Lord Jesus and for some reason loves me too. I love him, more than ever, and certain more than a mere card or gift can express.

Lest you think us total scrooges when it comes to love, we didn't totally ignore the holiday. Saturday night my husband took me to see a local theater's stage adaptation of Pride and Prejudice and if that doesn't speak of true love then I don't know what does.

Speaking of that $5 card, my friend read that blog post, thought it hilarious, and since she was my son's Sunday school teacher at the time and the class was making cards for their moms, she had him write on my card something like "it's not a $5 card but I love you anyway." She's such a jokester, my friend. We laughed.

I have to say that I am so glad my kids are out of the Valentine party / card-giving stage. Particularly after seeing all of the pictures of beautiful Pinterest-inspired cards my Facebook friends have been posting. I cannot believe the creativity and the industry that goes into class Valentine cards! I'm afraid the box of $1.99 Buzz Lightyear cards we used to give out would no longer pass muster and I would have to deal with the corresponding mom guilt.

I did find myself pacing the candy aisle at Kmart yesterday looking for an appropriate gift for my son to give his "friend." They've only been out together a couple of times so I was left wondering if the $10 box of candy is too ostentatious and indicative of too much in terms of relationship but then again would the $5 box look too cheap? What is the ratio between length of relationship and amount of Valentine candy anyway? Anyone, anyone? Unfortunately, there is no apparent protocol for these things and he of course has no idea. I settled for a small stuffed animal and a canister of chocolates. He was pleased and we hope she will be as well.

I'm thinking I will attempt a pound cake today. I have some strawberries and cool whip, which with the pound cake all seems rather celebratory and Valentine-ish. We'll be at my son's soccer match tonight so it will be an ordinary evening for us which is, really, my favorite kind. We love each other on the holidays, yes, but of course. Real love happens on the ordinary days too, each ordinary day making up ordinary years, a life of love that lasts.

Status Report, February

2012-02-01T11:21:00.002-06:00

Sitting...at the dining room table.

Wishing...it would quit raining. So dreary!

Hoping...my firstborn son has a wonderful birthday today as he marks eighteen years of life! Eighteen! Wow!

Baking...chocolate chip pies per the eighteen year old's request!

Realizing...I usually post something nostalgic to mark these milestone birthdays but it seems to me that the more momentous the occasion and the more blogworthy such an occasion ought to be, the more difficult it is to write about. Weird, huh? Eighteen is certainly one such blogworthy milestone! I think I will post some sort of celebration soon of not only his birthday but also my corresponding advent into motherhood. Surely I can at least post a picture or two, right?

Glancing...through some photographs of the birthday boy's birth day and feeling like I'm caught in some sort of time warp. We look so young and yet it seems like something-substantially-less-than-18 years ago!

Reading...Excellent Women by Barbara Pym and The World Tilting Gospel by Dan Phillips. Enjoying both very much. I love charming British novels and I love the gospel so it's win-win on both counts!

Enjoying...the second season of "Downton Abbey" on PBS's Masterpiece Theater. I loved the first season too. As you know, I'm a big fan of all things Masterpiece, Downton especially. Anyone else?

Thinking...about controversies and conflicts and criticism and confrontation and how each ought to be handled, particularly between friends, especially those of the virtual variety. Is one's responsibility different when your friendship is "only" via blogs and twitter? Hmmmmm... I once found myself, quite innocently and quite by accident, in the middle of one such bloggy maelstrom and as a total newbie blogger was both shocked and hurt by the vindictiveness of the "conversation." Some of you have no idea of what I'm talking about so let me just say: bloggers can be an opinionated bunch!

Looking...forward to Bible study tomorrow! Last week was our first session and it was great. May the Lord use this study to encourage us and stretch us and challenge us and, ultimately, finally, change us--glory to His name! A brief stress out moment earlier this week notwithstanding, I am really excited (it's good to feel wholly and completely inadequate, no?). I am so thankful for my friends and fellow students and I pray the Lord will richly bless the study of His Word; He is faithful!

Heading...out into the rainy dreariness as soon as I complete this post.

Happy February, friends!

Friday's Fave Five

2012-01-27T14:54:00.001-06:00

It's Friday which means Susanne is hosting her weekly carnival of five favorites of the past week. In no particular order, here are five favorites I enjoyed this week, among many others!

1. A visit from my parents. We don't see them nearly as often as we'd like so I am always glad for their visits. Plus, my mom brings goodies like cookies and a coffee cake! This visit they also brought a bench my dad made from reclaimed wood. They are so good to us!

2. A county championship title for my son's basketball team. They won the tournament championship game in decisive fashion Saturday night, ahead something like 43-9 at the half. I like the close, intense games but I also like a big blow out every now and then! It was a great win!

3. Sharing the work of the crisis pregnancy center with a "sister" church here in our community. We are in the middle of our baby bottle fundraiser where participants fill a given baby bottle with change and other monies (and checks!). I was asked to not only distribute the bottles but to speak for a few minutes about our ministry in each service at this particular church. We at the center are so grateful for the support of area churches who help us both with financial and material resources as well as prayer support.

4. Skype. I think I told you about both chatting with Leslie (for an hour!) one day earlier this week and then about her sitting in on Bible study, all via the internet. How cool is that? Not to mention so very Jetson-y.

5. Bible study resuming this week. We had a great meeting Thursday and I'm looking forward to the iron-sharpening-iron fellowship that will take place in the coming weeks. The Lord is faithful!

What are your favorites from the past week?

The hope of Christ's return

2012-01-26T13:29:00.000-06:00

This morning I began facilitating a study on 1 & 2 Thessalonians. I was (am) both excited and nervous as I think on the joy I receive from studying God's Word with friends and fellow sojourners as well as the humble and sober responsibility of leading such a group. And, always, after a hiatus, the teacher's chair is more than a little intimidating, adding to the aforementioned sober humility.

But despite a dark and rainy morning we gathered here in my living room: six friends, me, and my friend Leslie via Skype (how COOL is that?). We introduced ourselves, we discussed goals and motivations for our study, and we looked at the background and major theme of Paul's letters to the church in Thessalonica.

Both letters focus rather heavily on the hope of Christ's return. I shared with the group my experience as a young girl coming home from church after a revival meeting fully convinced that Jesus' return was imminent. Like soon. As in that very night. I was not comforted. In fact, as I sat in front of the window in my room watching the night sky, expecting the trumpet to sound and the skies to part at any minute, I was not only terrified, I was sad as I wistfully enumerated all that I would miss at the end of the world as we knew it. A boyfriend, prom, a wedding--the loss of these girlish delights consumed my dread. I didn't want Jesus to return, not at all, and I was ashamed. And scared.

We chuckle at those sorts of immature fears, but aren't we just the same? At the close of our study today we briefly discussed prevailing reactions to the thought of the end of the world. I'd daresay not many of us think of it much at all, Christian nor non-Christian, and if we do we either laugh it off or, much as I did as a girl, hope it's not any time soon because, well, we have things to do and to experience and to buy and to enjoy.

And yet the Bible tells us we are to live in light of this reality: Christ will return and take the redeemed with Him to glory. Paul will clearly assert that as believers this hope ought to motivate and encourage our day to day lives. How? What is the balance between my hope of what will come and my work I must do today? How can I be both heavenly minded and of earthly good?

These are the sorts of questions we will wrestle with as we devote ourselves to the diligent study of God's Word.

I'm looking forward to it!

What's On My Nightstand

2012-01-25T07:53:00.000-06:00

Here's a look at what I'm reading this month!

RECENTLY FINISHED READING:

The Distant Hours: A Novel by Kate Morton

A sufficiently mysterious and slightly creepy story that kept me so engrossed that I never, no, not once, peeked at the ending, highly unusual for me

Year of Wonders: A Novel of the Plague by Geraldine Brooks

It's about the bubonic plague and as such it is a sad and horrific story but one that I liked. Very much.

CURRENTLY READING:

The World-Tilting Gospel: Embracing a Biblical Worldview and Hanging on Tight by Dan Phillips

All the reviews are spot on: this is a timely, well-expressed, engaging albeit challenging look at the gospel and its implications for real life.

Bloodlines: Race, Cross, and the Christian by John Piper

We are reading this as part of my pastor's Wednesday night study and it has provoked some interesting and intense discussion.

Extraordinary, Ordinary People: A Memoir of Family by Condoleezza Rice

I know the title claims ordinariness but I think I must humbly disagree. Condoleezza's accomplishments are anything but ordinary and I'm enjoying this glimpse into her background. Her affection for her parents is obvious as is her gratitude for their many sacrifices on her behalf. I like Condoleezza and I like her all the more as I read her story.

READING NEXT (MAYBE):

Excellent Women by Barbara Pym

I saw this reviewed at Semicolon's blog and I'm intrigued.

To the Last Man: A Novel of the First World War by Jeff Shaara

Maybe it's Downton Abbey (LOVE!!) but my curiosity about the first World War. has been piqued. After reading and loving Michael Shaara's war novel The Killer Angels I'm interested in reading one of his son's novels. And, while I'm delving into WWI fiction, I may also read the classic All Quiet on the Western Front by Eric Remarque.

In Cold Blood by Truman Capote

Will I like it? I don't know but, again, I'm interested. I think.

Lit!: A Christian Guide to Reading Books by Tony Reinke

Reading a book about reading books? Why not?

One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp

Still planning to read through this with a couple of other blogging friends.

Growing Up in Grace: The Use of Means for Communion with God by Murray Brett

I received this as part of a giveaway on another blog ages ago and I suppose I'd forgotten all about it until I spotted it on the bookshelf today!

Of course, I reserve the right to change my mind, follow my whim, and read whatsoever I choose as time and books allow! It's the same old conundrum: so many books, so little time (and money).

What are you reading this month? Let us know in the comments or link up at 5 Minutes for Books where you can also check out what other bloggers are reading!

In praise of Skype and friendship

2012-01-24T14:36:00.000-06:00

I enjoyed an hour's worth of conversation today with my friend Leslie, all via Skype. How cool is that? We didn't video conference, at least I couldn't see her. I think she told me she couldn't see me either which I kind of hope is the case because, well, fair is fair. Not to mention that my attire (and hair and make up) are such that befits a stay at home mom who is staying home all day today.

We've chatted on the phone a few times, me and Leslie, and we've even met in real life, and each time we have opportunity to talk (or email or message via twitter) we always do so with the kind of ease and conversation that accompanies true friendship. We are kindred spirits, Anne would say, and I am glad our electronic paths crossed five years ago!

Today we covered topics ranging from niche blogging to publishing to 1000 Gifts to Legos to Bible study to basketball, just to name a few, and all in an hour's time! We also talked about my apparent blogging blah's and Leslie closed our conversation with the wish that maybe I'll write something today. Maybe, I replied, though I was more than a little dubious.

And miracle of miracles, so I have, such as it is. I've said it many times here in this forum and, since it is my blog after all, I'll say it yet again: I am so thankful for the friendship I enjoy with Leslie and with the other women bloggers who have become my friends (you know who you are!). We mentioned today with affection our "circle" of blogger friends, those women who challenge and encourage us and who actually read what we write and who have become good friends despite, in some instances, many miles, even countries, between us. Where else but the internet? Who else but our God?

Here's to more online conversations via Skype!

Thankfulness on Thursday

2012-01-12T17:18:00.001-06:00

Today I am thankful for...

A clean half house. The upstairs is trashed but the downstairs is looking pretty good, thanks to a day of cleaning. I like it when the house is clean; I haven't an obsessive bone in my body, not when it comes to cleaning, so such an environment is a nice treat.

Meeting tonight with the ladies from my church for an evening of food and fellowship. I love getting together with my friends and sisters in Christ! I'm hosting, hence the clean half house mentioned above. :)

The example of Moses' life of faith as described in Hebrews 11. How I want his testimony to be mine as well: "He considered the reproach of Christ greater wealth than the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking to the reward." (verse 26) May I have eyes to see the rich reward of following Christ and may my life of faith reflect Him as more precious than anything the world offers!

This post by my blog friend Elle reflecting on these verses. I hope she doesn't mind but I'm using some of her points in the devotion I'm leading tonight.

Hot showers on cold, gray and dreary days.

Coffee on cold, gray and dreary mornings when it is very difficult to pry myself out of the bed. Well, for that matter, I'm thankful for coffee at any day, any weather, but most particularly on the cold, gray and dreary.

David Crowder Band's newest album, their last. I've had it playing all day as I cleaned and I like it. A lot.

What are you thankful for today?

I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart;

I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.

I will be glad and exult in you;

I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.

~ Psalm 9:1-2

Monday morning dread

2012-01-11T09:40:00.000-06:00

This past Monday morning (and maybe other mornings as well...) I laid in the bed a few minutes longer than usual, my mind and body unwilling to get up and face the day. I mentally rehearsed to myself the day's tasks and as I did so I was filled with reluctant dread. I do not want to pack lunch boxes. I do not want to do laundry. I do not feel like dealing with a restless dog caught inside on a rainy day. Grocery shopping, cleaning out the refrigerator, putting the house back together after my recent furniture rearranging attempt--I dread these as well.

It's my usual Monday fare and sometimes, like that morning, I am so overcome with the monotony of it all that I feel as if I could scream. Or, at the very least, forget it all and stay in the bed.

It's pitiful. I am pitiful. I know that these, my petty, silly complaints, are the sorts of first world problems ridiculed on Twitter, the kinds of struggles that are only struggles because of my relative affluence and comfort.

Sometimes I attempt to talk myself out of my funk by telling myself, rather sternly too, that there are women all over the world who not only do not own a closet full of clothes but cannot even conceive of such wealth, women who lack even the most basic of necessities, like running water for instance, much less a grocery store with its vast array of food options. I remind myself of the shacks I saw in Nicaragua, "shack" being a loose term, one I'm not certain is applicable to the sort of structures we saw constructed of sticks and black plastic.

Not only that but there are people I love and care about undergoing very real, very heavy stresses. I worry for them, I pray for them, I beg the Lord on their behalf for His intervention and His provision, and even as I do so I feel guilty for my own petty, superficial worries. I am ashamed of my silliness and I tell myself so. Though my compassion and my intercession for my loved ones are heartfelt and earnest, my tendency to miserable self focus too often returns, now compounded by guilt.

These sorts of lectures correct my mindset for a time but the problem is I can just as easily reflect on women whose circumstances appear to me much more attractive than my own as I can those in lesser. Comparison does not help me, not really, because in my attempt to talk myself out of my bad attitude I only exacerbate it. And I lay in the bed on a Monday morning and dread the day ahead.

My boredom with the monotonous routine that comprises my daily life (such as I see it so, that is), my restless discontent, the dull funk, these are not helped by comparison nor would it serve my family for me to chuck it all in favor of what would seem more exciting, more elegant, more whatever-it-is-I-think-is-better. Nor can I lay in the bed all day. So where do I find relief? What will grant me perseverance to not merely slough through the day but to greet each day's opportunities and responsibilities with joy and energy? After all, the bathrooms must be cleaned. The suppers must be cooked and the laundry must be washed and folded. I cannot escape these tasks; they are occupations granted to me in this stage of my life.

I need perspective. I need to look beyond myself, beyond the dailiness to the eternal. I need to love and love well and in loving well forget myself and honor others. I need eyes to see that the laundry is both responsibility and privilege and that by the seemingly endless, perpetual sorting, washing and folding I fulfilling the high and holy call of serving my family as well as serving my Lord. All things can be done in His name and for His glory, even the most mundane and monotonous. I need a fresh glimpse of grace and the fresh wave of delight that marks those who know themselves forgiven and redeemed. Maybe I need to make some changes but not the sorts of changes born of restless dissatisfaction but those prompted by a desire to please the Lord and to walk in obedience to Him.

I need the gospel.

The good news that Jesus saves sinners isn't only for the exultant, jubilant, victorious moments of life. Nor, for that matter, only for the most desperate and tragic. It is also for the boring dailiness. Perhaps it is especially for the boring dailiness because it is there, in our ordinary-clay-pot lives that the glorious Treasure shines most brightly. In my fight for joy beyond my circumstances I learn that there is no true joy apart from Jesus. He is Life and only He is sufficient to provide what I so desperately lack: perspective, joy, delight, energy. All these--and more--are found in Him as I repent of my funk and seek Him in faith.

When I see Him--really see Him--in the midst of my circumstances, whether those circumstances are boring, exciting, tragic or stressful, I discover the life that is truly life: Christ alone exalted, glorified, sought, found.

Friday's Fave Five

2012-01-06T13:20:00.003-06:00

It's Friday, which means Susanne is hosting her weekly Friday's Fave Five carnival! Here are five of my favorite things from the past week...

1. Catching up with old friends. We were in Atlanta for the weekend (see #3 below) and enjoyed reconnecting with friends of my husband's from high school, good friends that he also went off to college with and that were part of our wedding party more than two decades ago. A sign of true friendship is the ability to pick back up with great conversation and easy camaraderie.

2. The Varsity, our chosen venue for our meet-and-greet. Chili burger and onion rings--yum!

3. The Chick Fil A bowl. My guys are big Auburn fans, as you know, and "Santa" brought us all tickets to their bowl game, including a ticket for my son's girlfriend. We didn't have the best seats (upper deck, emphasis on upper) but we had all had a great time.

4. A new year. I know there's nothing magical about January 1 as opposed to December 31 but I like celebrating a new year because it reminds me of the truth that the Lord makes all things new and that for those of us in Christ the old has gone and the new has come, glory to His name! New beginnings and fresh starts aren't unique to the first date on our calendar; rather the Bible asserts that the Lord's mercies are new every morning, a promise that is increasingly precious to me as I consider all the uncertainties and changes 2012 may hold. He has strength for the day, new mercies each morning, and His unfailing love will never cease. What grace!

5. A new cut and color. It is, as I tweeted upon arriving home from the beauty shop today, one of life's happy frivolities. I know it's silly and temporal (so very temporal that I have to make the appointment every six or eight weeks!) but still a favorite.

What are some of your favorites this week? You can link up at Susanne's as well as check out others' favorites.

Happy Friday, friends!

Thankfulness on Thursday

2012-01-05T15:50:00.000-06:00

Today I am thankful for...

A long twitter direct message conversation with a friend last night in which we discussed everything from feeling dull to parenting to being granny bloggers (one day way, way in the future!)

A long phone conversation today with a friend in which we discussed everything from potato soup to Bible study to spiritual dullness to the disorganized state of our respective homes

A joyous text today from a friend sharing a long awaited answer to much prayer

A text conversation today with a friend confessing our respective funks and our mutual desire for more authentic accountability.

A big scare that really was only that, a scare, and a brief one at that, nothing more, though it was really scary at the time!

The assurance that no matter how scary the scare the Lord is faithful in even the scariest of scares as well as in the most joyous of joys!

Lunch with my son

Sunshine

New contacts that will finally, hopefully help me see better!

My loving, hardworking husband

Spontaneous hugs from my children

Tomorrow being Friday which will mean the end of our first week back to school, yes and amen!

What are you thankful for today?

Their mom is a pauper

2012-01-04T09:05:00.001-06:00

I was clearing out my nightstand a few weeks ago and ran across some old photographs. Given our current stage of parenting, I was interested by a couple of pictures taken some twenty-plus years ago at my own high school graduation. I was struck by how young my mom looks! And young she was, younger than I am now by a couple of years.

I was talking to my mom on the phone the other day, relating all the latest comings and goings and telling her about helping my son fill out scholarship applications and write corresponding essays and she remarked that she couldn't believe that we were even talking about such things. In other words, we agreed that time, it flies; just as I've confessed such a time or two here on the blog.

How strange to think back to my own high school graduation and then so quickly find myself as the mom anticipating my son's. And yet here we are just a few months' out. I can only wish I look as young and as beautiful as my mom did! And she is such a good mom too; always has been. I am so thankful for my parents!

I remember as a girl computing what my age would be in the year 2000. Imagine my girlish surprise when I realized I would be close to my mom's age! So old...or so I thought as a young nine year old girl. Of course, the closer we drew to the turn of the the millennium the more I realized I wasn't quite as old as I'd dreaded nor as old as I had imagined my mom to be...

I sometimes wonder how my children see me. Old, probably. I have no illusions that they would think me the perfect mom. Quite the contrary, as my failures and inadequacies are on full display for all to see. And remember. Though in my more neurotic moments I fret that I have somehow ruined them forever (and perhaps I have...there's still time, you know...), as I think on it, I confess I really don't want my legacy to be perfection but that despite my many mistakes and shortcomings and outright wrongdoings there was much grace. Yes, I fail. But praise be to God He forgives and He redeems. I am far from the perfect mom yet I belong to the One whose arm is not too short to save!

So, in twenty years or so, when my guys find pictures of their high school graduations may they not only remark on my youth and beauty (or, not...) but even more so may they know their mom is a pauper to the extravagant grace of a merciful God.

...formerly I was a blasphemer, persecutor, and insolent opponent.

But I received mercy because I had acted ignorantly in unbelief,

and the grace of our Lord overflowed for me

with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.

The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance,

that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.

1 Tim. 1:13-15

Status Report, January

2012-01-03T08:28:00.000-06:00

Sitting...at the dining room table

Drinking...coffee, black

Liking...the cold(er) weather. Twenty six degrees this morning and not expected to get much above freezing

Getting...back in the daily routine post-Christmas break. Today we return to the real world of school, lunch boxes, car line, and the other such daily responsibilities. I didn't dread it but I wasn't exactly looking forward to it either. It's a busy week, as is usual, a busy month really. Actually it's just a busy life at this stage!

Reading...The World Tilting Gospel by Dan Phillips and a P.D. James novel and liking both very much

Hoping...to finish re-watching season 1 of Downton Abbey sometime this week before season 2 begins Sunday night on PBS

Thinking...about Bible study and whether I will teach this spring and, if yes, what I would teach and when I would teach. I'm also wondering why this has become such a difficult decision and why my confidence is so easily swayed. I don't know what to do! Does that mean I continue as I did last fall and don't do anything in terms of leading a group?

Making...no New Year's resolutions this year but I do have a few vague goals I'd like to accomplish, Lord willing. I'd like to blog more, for example, and perhaps just write more in general. I always have a list in the back of my mind of projects I hope to accomplish, furniture to paint for example. I'd love to simplify in terms of our "stuff": clean out, clear out, throw away, give away. And gain some victory (however small) over my perpetual nemesis, disorganization. All of which are, as I said, somewhat nebulous goals, subject to all sorts of other considerations like time and whim.

Looking...ahead to 2012 and all the changes that await us, the biggest being the high school graduation of our oldest son and sending him off to school in August. Wow.

Resting...in the sovereign goodness of the Lord, knowing that He will supply our every need and that following hard after Him is the highest and best resolution we can make!

Wishing...you all a happy and blessed new year, full of the grace and peace that comes from knowing Christ!

Sunday Prayer: New Year

2012-01-01T07:00:00.000-06:00

From Valley of Vision...

O LORD,
Length of days does not profit me
except the days are passed in thy presence,
in thy service to thy glory.

Give me a grace that precedes, follows, guides,
sustains, sanctifies, aids every hour,

that I may not be one moment apart from thee,
but may rely on thy Spirit to supply every thought,
speak in every word,
direct every step,
prosper every work,
build up every mote of faith,

and give me a desire to show forth thy praise;
testify thy love,
advance thy kingdom.

I launch my bark on the unknown waters on this year,
with thee, O Father, as my harbor,
thee, O Son, at my helm,
thee, O Holy Spirit, filling my sails.

Guide me to heaven with my loins girt,
my lamp burning,
my ear open to thy calls,
my heart full of love,
my soul free.

Give me thy grace to sanctify me,
thy comforts to cheer,
thy wisdom to teach,
thy right hand to guide,
thy counsel to instruct,
thy law to judge,
thy presence to stabilize.

May thy fear be my awe,
thy triumphs my joy.

The Lisa writes... 2011 Retrospective

2011-12-31T09:00:00.000-06:00

I wanted to offer a year-in-review here at the blog, if for no other reason than to satisfy my own curiosity. I know that my posting has been sporadic at best, a practice that will certainly have an adverse effect on visits and corresponding stats. But, for what it's worth, as best as I can figure using blogger's own built in statistic generator, here are some interesting observations...

MOST VISITED POSTS of 2011

11. Pinterest Made Me Do It, in which I post pictures from my black interior door project

10. Bittersweet, my reflections on my son playing his last football game

9. The Cinderella Story that almost was, about my son's soccer team and their hard-fought bid for the regional crown

8. My best mothering advice, or the lack thereof, in which offer my words of wisdom (or, not) to my friend on the brink of motherhood

7. First Day of school (and proof positive that time flies), the obligatory front porch shot as well as a photographic comparison of my son on the first day of his last year of grade school and the first day of his first year

6. Twenty, in honor of two decades of marital bliss. Oh, and another photographic comparison. :)

5. A post I once thought I'd never write, that post being about a dog of all things.

4. Thankfulness on Thursday, a common sort of post around here, this one particularly thankful for the goodness that is the cheese ring and the celebration of a new baby.

3. Sunday Hymn: Be Thou My Vision, my favorite hymn, though I suspect that this post's popularity has more to do with Rebecca's link than my blog's popularity (humbling, but no doubt true) and certainly has nothing to do with my writing whatsoever since, you know, I didn't actually write it so much as type it... :)

2. Thoughts on Bible Study, in which I share a quote from Kathleen Nielsen's study on Psalms as I prepare to begin facilitating our group

1. Book Review: Feminine Threads-Women in the Tapestry of Christian History, another post in which it's popularity has little to do with my writing and mostly to do with referrals from another site. But, hey, I'll take the site visits however I get them! :)

MOST COMMENTED POSTS

5. Happy Blog Anniversary to Me!, with 13 comments
4. Friday's Fave Five (post tornado edition) and The evolution of a blogger, both with 14
3. What's On My Nightstand, April with 18 comments
2. Why I Don't Blog, with 19
1. Twenty, the most-commented post with 21

FAVORITE POSTS
Though it seems slightly self-serving, here are some of my personal favorites. I feel a little ridiculous in choosing the posts I like best out of my own writing but, hey, blogging by its nature is somewhat self-serving. So, with that caveat, here are some of the posts I enjoyed writing this past year, again in no particular order...

Bittersweet
I was my proud of my son Friday night as I watched him walk out of the locker room, face streaked with tears, heading straight for his daddy, hugging him and thanking him. "For everything," he said. I may have wept some too; who could not?

Words Fail
All in all, it was the kind of day so full of the goodness of the Lord that the keyboard and blogger are rendered inadequate to describe it.

A post I once thought I'd never write
She's been saved twice, once from the side of the road and now again through the miracle of veterinary medical practice.

I am glad.

My best mothering advice or the lack thereof
However, just because I am hesitant to speak as one who has emerged victorious in the mommy experience doesn't mean I have nothing to say. So, for my friend: what I have to offer isn't advice so much as it is lessons learned. Here's a few things, among many, that motherhood has taught me...

The evolution of a blogger
I've been thinking and as I reflect over my nearly five years of blogging (yes, five! Can you believe it?), I realize there are both lessons learned and blessings received, most of each being of the unexpected kind. In short I am not the blogger I was nor am I the blogger I thought I would be and for both I am glad.

Saturday morning thoughts following a Friday night win
I love Friday night football.

I love watching my boy play.

I love watching my boy catch a pass for a touchdown.

I'm just a mom
Yesterday the bagger at the grocery store asked me if I worked. "Nope; I'm just a mom," I said and I was glad for it. I'm just a mom, a very ordinary and flawed mom. I'm a wife, also ordinary and flawed. I know that my accomplishments, such as they are, will never be lauded at a luncheon nor will my picture adorn a wall of fame.

So, there you have it: a glimpse at Lisa writes..., 2011. Do you have a favorite post, either from this humble blog or your own? Link up and let us know. And here's hoping 2012 will bring many more opportunities for blog posts and comment conversation! Despite evidence to the contrary, I love blogging and I especially enjoy the interaction and friendship that I've discovered through this hobby. I look forward to all that the Lord has for us in the coming year...

Happy New Year, friends!

Favorite reads of 2011

2011-12-30T08:00:00.000-06:00

Bloggers all over the web are posting their favorite reads of the past year. Ever one to copy a good idea, particularly one that will revive the blog however temporarily, I thought I would follow suit. Here are some of my favorites among the books that I read in 2011. It is not a "top ten" list per se, in that I've listed them in some sort of ascending preference; it's too eclectic of a list for me to rank a top favorite! Rather, these are the books I most enjoyed reading or that I learned the most from or both. I didn't include books that I had read previously (though certainly books like The Help and Harry Potter and Pride and Prejudice and Peace Like a River, not to mention The Hiding Place and Through Gates of Splendor, are favorite reads in any year!).

MY FAVORITE READS OF 2011 (in no particular order)...

Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption by Laura Hillebrand
Um, wow. Everyone raved about it and for good reason. If you haven't read it, you should, and the less you know about it the better.

A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini

A beautiful, haunting story of two women in war torn Afghanistan. I was hesitant to read it but I'm glad I did.

The Killer Angels by Michael Shaara

A beautiful, haunting story of the battle of Gettysburg, so beautifully written. I am so glad I stumbled upon a recommendation via a friend's Facebook status.

Surprised by Oxford: A Memoir by Carolyn Weber

I think I told you of my threefold response after reading this memoir: 1) I want to visit Oxford. 2) I feel dumb. And 3) I am encouraged by the reminder that my faith is, among many things, also intellectual. In other words, it sustains careful thought and critical examination. I loved this memoir!

The God Who Is There: Finding Your Place in God's Story by D.A. Carson

The big story of the Bible, the broad sweep of the gospel story from Genesis to Revelation, this book is a helpful examination of what Christians believe and why they believe it. Recommended by Rebecca of Rebecca Writes, this is an encouraging, faith-building, instructive read.

Bleak House by Charles Dickens

Perhaps my most surprising favorite! I mean, it's like 900 pages or something! But, I liked it. A lot. Especially when accompanied by the Masterpiece Theater miniseries.

Bible Study: Following the Ways of the Word by Kathleen Nielson

As a (sometime) Bible teacher, this book was perhaps the most sobering as well as the most helpful book I read last year. It's like hermeneutics for dummies, like myself. I need to read it again.

March by Geraldine Brooks

A compelling and interesting novel about Mr. March of Little Women fame and his years in the Civil War.

Knowing God by J.I. Packer

Theology 101, enough said.

Girl Meets God: A Memoir by Lauren Winner

Though Lauren and I would not agree on all points doctrinally, I found her memoir of her conversion to the Christian faith to be winsome and engaging. I enjoyed it very much.

Hannah Coulter by Wendell Berry

I said I wasn't going to pick favorites but if I were to pick a favorite novel that I read last year this would probably be it. Not so very plot driven but written with such beautiful language and with such a compelling voice that I loved it. I cried at the end, which, for those of you who know me, is saying something.

The Organized Heart: A Woman's Guide to Conquering Chaos by Staci Eastin

Though Staci and I are blog friends, I'm not picking this as a favorite because she is a favorite but, well, because the title says it all. And because I need to read it again. And again.

Because He Loves Me: How Christ Transforms Our Daily Life by Elyse Fitzpatrick

The gospel making sense in my daily life. Yes and amen.

Holiness: Its Nature, Hindrances, Difficulties, and Root by J.C. Ryle

Practical Christianity presented in clear, practical language. Another book I need to read again. And again.

The Prince of Frogtown by Rick Bragg

This is, I think, my favorite of Bragg's memoirs. He is a true artist with the computer keyboard and I love not only his prose but his stories of "my people," those of us from the South but not of the aristocracy that sometimes is identified as the Southern constitution. In this book, he alternates between stories of his father and his own struggles as new stepdad, both of which are sometimes hilarious and sometimes bittersweet.

What are your favorite reads of the past year? Do you have any recommendations for my 2012 reading list?

The reason for the season

2011-12-29T08:27:00.002-06:00

I just glanced through a few posts from Decembers past and I noticed something of a theme: an acknowledgement of the lack of regular posting as well as a quick overview of the month's festivities and momentous events. I was thinking of posting something similar this morning but who wants to be so very predictable? Of course, one could argue that the fact of me actually posting something, no matter the content, is itself so squarely in the realm of the un-predictable that I needn't worry about unnecessarily boring the two or three of you still out there reading this blog with familiar content.

While there were certainly events worth at least a passing mention, such as my youngest boys' fourteenth and twelfth birthdays respectively, I'll jump to the end and tell you we enjoyed a very merry Christmas, as I hope you did, full of the blessings of family and food and gifts galore. It's true, Christmas loses some of its excited anticipation with the boys getting older, but still it was good. I struggled sometimes with the unexpected and sudden bout of melancholy here and there, plus I've been sick, but upon reflection there was (is) such an embarrassingly abundant outpouring of grace that I am humbled. And grateful. The Lord is good and He has blessed us beyond measure. Family, friends, health, freedom, laughter, love--all are ours and all are grace. Despite my many complaints and stresses in regard to the season, I am thankful for the opportunities that Christmas affords to spend time with family, to give gifts to those I love, to have the boys home from school for Christmas break, to celebrate the holiday over a plateful of good food, to sing songs of the nativity and to remember the baby born in Bethlehem.

Earlier this month I read the following from Tim Keller, as quoted in Nancy Guthrie's compilation Come, Thou Long-Expected Jesus: Experiencing the Peace and Promise of Christmas...

Christmas is telling you that you could never get to heaven on your own. God had to come to you.

Surely there are many reasons offered for the season. Christmas is for giving, we say. It's about love and peace, goodwill and generosity. Perhaps some would stake the truest meaning of Christmas in its economic impact or determine the season is best celebrated by vilifying businesses who would dare wish us happy holidays rather than a merry Christmas.

While it's right and good to give gifts at Christmas, that's not where the true meaning of Christmas lies. No, as that Keller quote indicates, the reason for the season is that we are so wicked and so depraved and so willfully rebellious in our sin that we could never save ourselves. Indeed we would not want to. God had to come get us. He came, as a baby, fully God yet fully man, lived a perfect life, died a horrible, cruel death, and yet rose again to life--all to redeem us, to save us, to grant us new life in Him. This is Christmas: Jesus, the Word becoming flesh, dwelling among us, so that we might see His glory, the glory of the one and only.

May our Christmases be marked not only by shopping, giving, eating and such, but may we respond to Christ, the indescribable Gift, in repentance and faith, trusting Him to save us as He promised!

"...and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins." Matt. 1:21

Status Report, December

2011-12-05T10:35:00.001-06:00

Sitting...at the dining room table surrounded by boxes, wrapping paper, more boxes, a lamp, and other fallout from the two day long attempt at decking the halls. It's a mess in here.

Stressing...over the filth and mess that seems to cover every nook and cranny of my home! I know, I know, it isn't as bad as I think it is but it is bad enough to stress me out though obviously not bad enough to stop me from blogging about it instead of, you know, cleaning something.

Decorating...for Christmas and not hating it quite so much this year as I have in years past. Except for the aforementioned filth and mess of course. I have two trees up (go, me!) and even hung garland and wreaths outside. I am markedly less Scrooge-ish this year, though not completely free of Grinchdom. Hey, it's progress.

Listening...to Christmas music even. Sometimes I don't even know myself.

Wondering...if my wreaths are still on the windows. It's mighty windy out!

Thankful...for our Thanksgiving break and the time we were able to spend with family. We are so blessed. And what fun to hang out with my three little nieces and my nephew!

Reading...The Help. I read it a couple of years ago, back when it first came out, and all I remembered was that I liked it. Oh, yeah, and it had something to do with white women and their black maids in Mississippi in the 60's. Since that's all I remember, I'm enjoying this re-read with the discovery of a first read. I just finished reading A Thousand Splendid Suns. Y'all were right: it's good. Really good. Very thought provoking. Before that I read The Killer Angels and loved it. So, so good.

Thinking...through an email discussion I'm having in regard to so-called "Carnal Christians" and the tension between 1 John that states a believer who persists in sin isn't a true believer at all and the fact that believers sin. Hello, I sin, the chief among us. Isn't sin, sin? Or is it immaturity as my friend seemed to indicate? Sometimes semantics trip me up; hence the thinking before the emailing.

Closing...the chapter on my oldest son's football career with the awards ceremony yesterday. It's strange to think of it being over. For that matter, it's strange to think of all the many things that will be over this year, in one way or another!

Feeling...a little overwhelmed at this stage of life we are in. So much is ending, so much is beginning. So much is changing, and not all for the worst. So much is difficult. So much is so good that I can hardly bear it. I feel both more confident than ever and more insecure than ever. It's weird.

Anticipating...celebrating with the ladies from my church at our Christmas party tomorrow night. We always have such a fun time! I love my friends and sisters in the Lord!

Walking...the dog as soon as I get up from the computer. We need to hurry and get out before the rain begins. After the walk I have laundry (always and forever) to wash, dry and fold, supper to take to new parents (and thus a baby to hold, at least for a minute or two!), and yes, the mess and the filth I mentioned earlier to clean.

Wishing...you all a wonderful Monday!

Happy Thanksgiving!

2011-11-24T07:22:00.001-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving, friends! The blog will be silent in the next few days as we will be enjoying time with family, one of the many things I am humbly thankful for! As you observe this season of giving thanks, I hope that you not only enjoy lots of good food and a football game or two but also a renewed sense of wonder and worship before the One who has given us all good things, the Lord who is gracious and merciful, whose steadfast love endures forever...

I give you thanks, O LORD, with my whole heart;

before the gods I sing your praise;

I bow down toward your holy temple

and give thanks to your name for your steadfast love and your faithfulness,

for you have exalted above all things your name and your word.

On the day I called, you answered me;

my strength of soul you increased.

All the kings of the earth shall give you thanks, O LORD,

for they have heard the words of your mouth,

and they shall sing of the ways of the LORD,

for great is the glory of the LORD.

For though the LORD is high, he regards the lowly,

but the haughty he knows from afar.

Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life;

you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies,

and your right hand delivers me.

The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;

your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever.

Do not forsake the work of your hands.

~Psalm 138

What's On My Nightstand, November

2011-11-22T16:39:00.001-06:00

It's that time again, time for 5 Minutes' for Books' monthly carnival What's On Your Nightstand? wherein carnival participants post what they're reading, or what they've recently finished reading, or what they plan to read, or a combination thereof. For me, here's a look at my recent reading activity...

Recently read...

Far from the Madding Crowd by Thomas Hardy. This title has been on my mental "To Be Read" list for a long time and I'm glad I finally got around to it! It's not necessarily a plot driven novel and the reader is able to guess the ending fairly quickly but that does not in any way detract from the enjoyment of the read. In fact, I would say it is the setting as much as the plot and characters that make the novel enjoyable. The pastoral setting of a rural English farm and its metamorphosis through the seasons make a fascinating and charming setting.

I also recently read two Josephine Tey mysteries: Brat Farrar and The Man in the Queue. I much preferred The Man than Brat; I really liked Inspector Grant and in my opinion the Brat storyline grew rather tedious. Of course, I am a huge fan of British murder mysteries and The Man did not disappoint!

Currently reading...

The Killer Angels by Michael Shaara, a Pulitzer prize winning novel about the battle of Gettysburg. So far, it's really, really good. I had never heard of this book but saw it mentioned on a friend's Facebook page when she asked for book recommendations. Shaara's son, Jeff, also wrote a prequel, Gods and Generals, which I may have to check out once I finish Angels.
Why Church Matters: Discovering Your Place in the Family of God by Joshua Harris I am nearly finished with this title. I like it and think its message an important one. Watch for an upcoming review.
King's Cross: The Story of the World in the Life of Jesus by Tim Keller. I only just started reading this, an overview of the life of Christ as chronicled in the gospel of Mark. I do like Keller and the other books I've read by him.

Hoping to read next...

I've checked the following books out of the library (which is no guarantee I will actually read them but I do have them in my possession at least temporarily):

The Zero Game by Brad Meltzer. I saw this mentioned on a friend's blog and I thought it looked intriguing.
A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khalid Hosseini. I do not like sad books so I don't know if I will actually be able to read this one or not. I once started but never finished The Kite Runner because 1) it was so sad and 2) I figured out where the plot was headed.
I Still Dream About You by Fannie Flagg. I love Southern fiction but haven't ever read any of Flagg's novels so I have no idea if I will like it or not.

I'm also interested in reading...

The Screwtape Letters by C. S. Lewis
Basic Christianity by John Stott
Extraordinary, Ordinary People: A Memoir of Family by Condoleeza Rice
The Bible or the Axe: One Man's Dramatic Escape From Persecution in the Sudan by William Levi

I may also attempt to revisit 1000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I started it ages ago but put it down because I found it difficult to read in terms of simple reading comprehension (I know! I feel so dumb sometimes!). However, a friend is considering blogging through the book and I'm thinking of joining her.

Whew! Am I ambitious or what? The funny thing is I've recently been through a reading drought of sorts where I didn't read anything at all for two or three weeks--I guess maybe I think I have to catch up or something?

So, what are you reading? Have any recommendations for bibliophiles like myself? Let us know in the comments or link up your own Nightstand list at 5 Minutes for Books!

Confessions of a social media misfit

2011-11-21T10:17:00.001-06:00

Last night I gave my friend a crash course in Twitter, Pinterest, and the like. My husband took a picture of us huddled over my friend's laptop and posted it to Facebook and Twitter (of course) with the label "Technology instruction," which is something of a misnomer since it wasn't technology so much that comprised my tutelage as social media. Of technology I am mostly ignorant. Of social media, well, I wouldn't say I'm an expert by any means (Stumble Upon? Klout? These things are mysteries to me) but sometimes I like to try.

I think I've told you before of my general unease in regard to much of my social media interaction, be it blogging or tweeting or perusing Pinterest. Sometimes, most times, I love it. As I've confessed on here many times, I love interacting with friends from across the globe. I love our internet conversations via comment thread or email. I love the exchange of ideas and information and the discussion of life and theology and parenting and the gospel and difficulties and such. I know the blessing of true and genuine friendship with several women I respect and admire and this only because of social media. Not only that, but also in more general terms, we human beings are curious creatures and my twitter feed satisfies to some degree this curiosity I have about the lives and thoughts of others. So, yeah, I like having a small (very small) media presence on the web.

Sometimes, though, as much as I like it, social media has a tendency to depress me. I know, because I know my own tweets and blog posts and status updates, that the image presented in these public forums is only a slice of the real. Though I attempt to portray as authentically as possible the real me here on the world wide web the reality is such that you see only a portion of me and my life, a portion I control. It easy to forget this, however, when I'm reading others' glowing, peppy, happy-happy updates. Sometimes my life, my faith, seems drab in comparison. Sometimes I am drab in comparison. Sometimes I am envious. Sometimes I am depressed. Sometimes I want to indulge my hermit tendencies and delete any and all social accounts.

I am not, by nature, a very social person. In fact, I am much more shy and insecure than most people realize. Because I am in personality reserved, the social part of social media can be overwhelming. I marvel at those who can tweet about any and everything, and tweet with such wit to boot! Amazing!

Part of me thinks these are silly things for me to be pondering. What's the big deal about tweeting or not tweeting? It isn't life or death, that's true. Eternity doesn't hang in the balance over my pins on Pinterest. I would not be in the right or in the wrong if I continued my Facebook account or suspended it. I am not leading my friend astray by showing her the wonders of Tweetdeck or all the fascinating information to be found on Pinterest.

Rather, my thoughts today are considering what my occasional reticence says about me and about the place I give to social media in my day to day life. Why do I blog (when and if I blog)? Why that painful twinge when I look at the number of site visits here at the blog? Can I see social media for what it truly is or do I let it be an unhelpful influence? Do I tweet for the glory of God? Why does that sound like a silly thing to ask? These are good questions, important questions.

Despite my unease, I do not anticipate a complete retreat from all things social media related. I imagine I will continue much as I have done, with an intermittent and occasional presence. Though I know that my relationships via the world wide web are real and I am so grateful for those very real friendships, my first priority is to the more real of my real, non-virtual life. In other words, blogging must take a back seat to cooking supper.

But, for the curious, you may find me every now and then here at the blog or via the other venues which you can follow or subscribe through the links there to the right on the sidebar.

What about you? Do you love or merely tolerate social media? Or do you avoid it altogether? Am I the only insecure, hermit-prone misfit? How do you strike a balance between your real and virtual communities and responsibilities?

True Confessions

2011-11-14T09:25:00.000-06:00

If I harbor any sort of bitter prejudice, it is against snobby, elitist soccer moms in fitness gear.
Such prejudice may or may not be related to some racially motivated comments made by one such soccer mom during my son's state soccer tournament.
Evidently I do harbor a sort of bitter prejudice for which I must duly repent. It would seem the elitist soccer mom and I are both in need of much grace.
Of the four novels I checked out of the library a week or so ago I read two and put aside the other two before even getting halfway through. Of the two I read I only really liked one.
Sometimes I realize quite quickly that a book just isn't worth my time.
And sometimes I wonder if maybe my standards for what constitutes a good book are too high.
Thus, despite the stack of books I have on the bookshelf yet unread, all of which are no doubt good reads, I am still restless and looking for that can't-put-it-down-good book.
I am deeply appreciative of the kind words I received in regard to my Bittersweet post.
I really am okay. A friend told me the other day she was worried about me. I am bittersweet, yes, but in a good way. I think.
I do feel guilty about my younger sons rarely receiving any blog press.
I have three other children; did you know that? :)
I attended two Veteran's Day programs last week at my sons' schools. I love Veteran's Day programs. I nearly always end up with tears in my eyes.
I am grateful for our veterans and their families and the sacrifices they make.
I cannot help but think of my good friend's son who recently returned home after a tour in Afghanistan. I stood next to him at a football game this past fall as we sang the National Anthem. I could barely sing of the home of the brave without tears in my eyes, knowing the bravery of the Marine next to me.
I hardly ever remember my dreams but last week I remembered two of them very distinctly; one night's dream had my husband getting in a fist fight, in the other everything we owned was being taken from us by force. Strange, on both counts.
Sometimes I wonder what I would do, who I would be, apart from my stuff. What if I really were to lose all I owned? Could Hebrews 10:34 be my testimony?
Last week I went to an estate sale of a gentleman my husband and I loved dearly and as I gathered a miscellany of items to purchase I thought of eternity and how fleeting our lives really are and how little our stuff matters in the end. I still bought stuff though and was glad for it.
However, speaking of stuff, I have been obsessing unnecessarily over finding a pair of black boots. I would be ashamed to admit to you how many hours I've spent combing the Zappos site.
I am already striving to ward off my dread of the holiday season. It's nearly the middle of November; can you believe it?!
Despite my holiday issues, I do like Thanksgiving. It's the forgotten holiday, lacking the commercialization and materialism associated with nearly every other American holiday observance. I like that. Plus, there's good food and plenty of it.
But, I think that New Year's is my favorite holiday. There's no travel for us associated with that particular date and we just lay (lie?) around the house and watch football and be lazy all day long. I like it.
I love football, y'all know that. I love soccer too. But basketball? As a spectator, basketball is a whole 'nother level in terms of excitement. I can't wait for the start of my sons' basketball seasons Tuesday!
I have worked on this post (such as it is) long enough. As much as I sometimes resent it, particularly on a Monday morning, laundry calls.
Today I remind myself once again that it is my privilege to serve the Lord by serving my family and caring for my home even though I'd much rather watch an episode of Masterpiece Theater than make a grocery list. Just keepin' it real.

I'm just a mom

2011-11-09T09:08:00.003-06:00

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to attend a luncheon honoring distinguished alumni of our local high school. From educators to athletes to businessmen, fifteen alumni who had achieved distinction in their particular field were honored with a place in the newly chartered Wall of Fame. It was fascinating, to say the least, to learn of each receipient's various successes and accomplishments. Fascinating and exciting and inspiring.

I couldn't help but think of my own life and, quite frankly, how it pales in comparison. Should someone compose a list of my achievements it would be a short one indeed. And quite boring: She graduated from college in 1990. After two semesters of graduate school, she gladly forfeited her advanced degree and decided to marry a wonderful, godly man who she still loves dearly after all these years. She received her Post-Baccalaureate Teacher's Certification just in time to move to Alabama where she gave birth to her first child, with three more to follow within less than six years. From then on, for the last seventeen and a half years, her greatest accomplishments include raising her four sons without (yet) losing her mind and having a working knowledge of the offsides penalty in soccer. Other noteworthy feats include seventeen years' worth of washing limitless loads of laundry, packing innumerable lunch boxes and maintaining a (somewhat) sanitary home. Under her care, no son has played a sporting event in a dirty uniform more than once (or perhaps not more than twice). All children entrusted to her have yet to starve to death.

I'm being silly and I know it. I do realize that what I do is important. Sometimes, though, I've grown so accustomed to seeing my life in micro segments that stepping back and grasping the macro view tends to overwhelm me just a little. I'm okay with thinking in terms of what must be accomplished today and maybe tomorrow: laundry, dishes, car line, football practice, grocery shopping. But when I see all of those today's lined up, nearly eighteen years' worth, and they are virtually identical in their struggles and frustrations and responsibilities...well, sometimes, and only some times, I think to myself: this is not the life I always dreamed of.

Indeed, who would dream of seventeen (plus) years of cooking supper and washing dishes and cleaning up all sorts of unmentionable gross-ness? Surely my twenty year old self whose greatest aspirations, though not clearly defined, included among other things a power suit and the Wall Street Journal, she would not have guessed that at 43 hers would be a life of the sort of mundane ordinariness that has not and will not accomplish anything the world will value. She could not. She still sometimes cannot.

I hear women, usually women who have achieved some sort of success--however you may define it--encourage me to dream and do. That if I do not follow my vision, reach for the stars, maximize my potential, dare to risk--well, then, I will somehow miss out. One may infer, from their admonishment, that God is merely waiting on my acquiescence to grant my wish, answer my longing, fulfill all my dreams.

I once had such a dream, what I thought was the Lord's unmistakable call on my life, and, interestingly enough, in this dream I knew all sorts of success and accolades, not to mention the admiration of many. Reality has proved to be quite different. Obscurity, not fame. Work, boring, mundane work, not recognition and acclaim. Yes, I can--and seek to--do all things for the glory of Christ and that in itself is the highest and best calling but, still, cleaning the bathroom is cleaning the bathroom. I know that the Lord, in His gracious providence, has granted a measure of success and influence to some and I am grateful for the ministry of many such women. It is not so for most of us. Most of us are cleaning the bathroom.

Yesterday the bagger at the grocery store asked me if I worked. "Nope; I'm just a mom," I said and I was glad for it. I'm just a mom, a very ordinary and flawed mom. I'm a wife, also ordinary and flawed. I know that my accomplishments, such as they are, will never be lauded at a luncheon nor will my picture adorn a wall of fame. Though I sometimes wince at that realization, ultimately I know that my calling is not about achievement. Quite the opposite. It is the call to die to myself. Living to Christ. Loving Him with all my heart, soul and mind and others as myself. Serving in selfless humility. Doing all in the name of Jesus and for His glory. Giving thanks to God the Father. Forgetting what is behind, straining toward what is ahead. Confessing and repenting of my sins. Joyfully proclaiming the gospel. Suffering the reproach of Christ. Eagerly awaiting His appearing.

So I'm sitting at the luncheon, duly impressed with the accomplishments of these new Wall of Fame honorees, thankful for their success in their chosen fields. Despite my initial panic over my own perceived lack thereof, I learn something from their example. I learn that excellence is a worthy pursuit. I learn that discipline and hard work are critical whether one is a CEO of a major corporation or of a family of six. I thank the Lord for the blessing of obscurity and for the privilege of serving Him in anonymity and I ask Him to grant me the discipline and delight I lack. Whatever I find to do, I want to do all for His glory. I am the humble jar of clay and He is the Treasure. May I be found faithful.

Bittersweet

2011-11-07T14:57:00.000-06:00

Astute readers of the blog may remember this past weekend was a busy one for us: soccer games and football games, all carrying important playoff and championship potential. Yeah, well. I told someone last night that this weekend was an important lesson for us in learning the discipline of losing with grace and humility. Both can be difficult, losing well and winning well, but losing is certainly the more painful.

It was my oldest son's last football game and they lost in spectacular fashion. There's the rub with the playoff distinction: it is destined to end badly for all but one. No one expects to lose with such flamboyance, however, making a tough night all the tougher for this senior class who has played season-long with heart and determination.

I was my proud of my son Friday night as I watched him walk out of the locker room, face streaked with tears, heading straight for his daddy, hugging him and thanking him. "For everything," he said. I may have wept some too; who could not? This was a moment not about football or wins or losses but about change, about transition, about growing up, about things that will no longer be. This, this thing he loved, this thing he was, this part of our lives, it's over.

I watched him thank his first football coach from back in sixth grade. He told me later of how he also attempted to challenge and encourage the underclassmen. "Be leaders," he admonished them. "Step up. It's your turn now." I hope, I pray, that he knows that this is part of his legacy. Not long field goals or number of receptions nor even touchdowns; none of those matter, really, in the long run. It's people. It's relationships. It's walking the walk. It's living a life worthy of the call of Christ.

"I can't believe it's over." A familiar refrain, from senior football player and senior mom alike. "It went so fast." "Time flies." Oh, yes, yes, it does, far faster than I knew. Wasn't it only yesterday that I made him run laps around the backyard to burn off some excess energy? And, now, I watch him close a chapter on his life with a gracious humility. Parenting is many things, bittersweet among them.

Despite my melodrama here, life as we know it is not completely over. Not by a long shot. We have basketball season and soccer season and the flurry of graduation and its accompanying pomp and ceremony, not to mention the various and sundry (and yet unknown) preparations for college. Much to celebrate. Much to plan for. Much to anticipate. Much to be thankful for. Much to revel in. We do not dwell on what was in some sort of morbid depression, but we do pause to reflect and realize that our boy is growing up. This bittersweet sadness is merely a reflection of the joy we have known. So much joy! To God be the glory!

Sunday Hymn: As the Deer

2011-11-06T06:41:00.001-06:00

As the deer panteth for the water
So my soul longs after You
You alone are my hearts desire
And I long to worship You.

You alone are my strength, my shield
To You alone may my spirit yield
You alone are my hearts desire
And I long to worship You.

I want you more than gold or silver
Only You can satisfy
You alone are the real joy giver
And the apple of my eye.

You alone are my strength, my shield
To You alone may my spirit yield
You alone are my hearts desire
And I long to worship You.

You're my friend and You're my brother
Even though you are a King
I love You more than any other
So much more than anything.

You alone are my strength, my shield
To You alone may my spirit yield
You alone are my hearts desire
And I long to worship You.

~Martin Nystrom

On being the student, a back row student no less, and not the teacher

2011-11-04T10:53:00.000-05:00

I think I mentioned to you that I am attending a Bible study on Tuesday mornings. Attending, not leading, a phenomenon so rare I'm not sure it's occurred in over fifteen years! No, wait; I take that back. I think I did go to a Precept study at a sister Baptist church here in our city a couple of times and I did talk my friend into facilitating a six week class years ago but, other than that, it's been ages since I've participated in a study I wasn't leading or facilitating or somehow in charge.

I think I also told you it is a little strange, being the student, a back row student no less, and not the teacher. Strange but in a good way. I think. I'm struggling somewhat with my role as Bible teacher, and this class has helped me not only in terms of thinking through the content of the study itself but in also in broader terms, with issues about Bible study in general and its goals and structure and my own passion to lead, or not, as the case may be.

It is admittedly more than strange to consider me not having a class, me who was once so sure of her call to lead and encourage women in the study of God's Word. I was so confident of my place in the teacher's chair that I waxed eloquent in posts past on why I teach and why I find it compulsory.

I miss that fervor, that zeal.

A few months ago I read Kathleen Nielson's Bible Study and, as encouraging and instructive as it is, I found it equally humbling and convicting. In fact, there were times in the course of reading that I was struck with a holy fear as I considered the sometime cavalier attitude I took toward Bible study in years past. I shudder when I think of some of the things I have asserted as I presumed to teach and the lack of care with which I sometimes approached God's Word. True, I was woefully, pitifully ignorant but I see no excuse for ignorance in James' warning to teachers who presume upon the influence and authority they are granted (James 3:1).

In the Bible study I am attending I haven't agreed with the teacher on all points. I'm not certain, yet, how to approach her with my concerns nor even if I ought. As a (former?) teacher myself I am sympathetic to the hints of insecurity I sometimes think I can detect (or, then again, perhaps it's my own insecurity I see...).

I hope my hiatus from the teaching is short lived. Though I am afraid of it as much as I desire it, if not more so, I do miss it. I hope that this experience as student will be used by the Lord to make me not only a better teacher but a better student of His Word, a better woman, a woman whose heart is stirred and whose convictions are firm and whose earnest desire to honor the Lord--as teacher or as student, as He wills.

Thankfulness on Thursday

2011-11-03T10:47:00.000-05:00

I am joining other blog friends in giving thanks on Thursday for the blessings and the mercies of the previous week. This week I thank the Lord for...

My husband.

The fun of a couple of big football wins last weekend for my two football players. Two very exciting games and the thrill of hard fought victories reminding me of greater joys and greater victories, those of the truest and lasting kind that await all who yearn for Christ's coming.

The family all together, all six of us, sitting at the table for Sunday lunch.

Lazy Sunday afternoons.

The fellowship of friends around my table and lasagna on my plate.

The Pioneer Woman's lasagna recipe.

My friend's homemade garlic bread.

The ministry of our Crisis Pregnancy Center and the resources the Lord has granted us to be able to help our clients with various needs from diapers to formula to maternity clothes.

Praying with my church.

Walking my dog on crisp, cool fall mornings.

The thanksgiving of my internet friends prompting my own thanksgiving. Gratitude is contagious!

Emails and texts from friends asking for prayer.

Friends who pray.

Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

What are you thankful for this week?

I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart;

I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.

I will be glad and exult in you;

I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.

~ Psalm 9:1-2

Status Report, November

2011-11-01T13:58:00.001-05:00

Sitting...at the kitchen table.

Drinking...coffee, black. Have I mentioned to you my great affection for my Keurig? My boys love it too--very handy for making a cup of hot chocolate and so they do, quite often.

Enjoying...a brown sugar bar, courtesy of Veronica's recipe. Yummy!

Admiring...the gorgeous fall color of the tree in the backyard. I am quite certain I've mentioned to you my affection for the fall season, all the "-er" months as my friend Melissa says.

Attempting...to snap a picture of the beautiful gold-orange of the tree outside my French doors so you may catch a glimpse of the view I am enjoying. But, alas, I am no photographer and my lack of photography skills coupled with the use of an iPhone to take the shot, well, it doesn't do it justice. I'll just have to leave it to your imagination.

Celebrating...the (somewhat) successful conclusion of the Something (Anything!) 21 Day Blogging Experiment! Twenty-one (almost) consecutive posts!! Woo-hoo!

Considering...a giveaway of some sort to make such an important milestone as 21 (almost) consecutive days of blogging. Did you know I have never, not once, in five years of blogging, ever hosted a giveaway? I'm thinking maybe I'm due...if only I could think of something way cool to give away!

Wondering...how it got to be November already. This year is flying by all too fast!!

Trying...to wear my hair somewhat curlier and fluffier. I got a shorter cut last week but have a hard time "fixing" it without it looking like a brown football helmet (Steel Magnolias, anyone?).

Bookmarking...this series on the women of the Reformation.

Reading...absolutely nothing. Nothing at all! For almost two weeks now! It's killing me! Any suggestions? I want something really, really good; something I can find at our local library perhaps?

Cooking...Kim's Tangy BBQ chicken recipe. It's been in the crock pot for about six hours now and it smells wonderful.

Preparing...for a busy weekend of football and soccer. Our oldest son's football team will play in the first round of the state playoffs Friday night, our second son will be playing in the state soccer tournament (multiple games over the weekend), and our youngest son's team will be playing Saturday night for their division championship in the pee wee football playoffs. Three different venues in three different cities, mind you! Yeah, it's crazy, but fun too.

Thinking...about the gospel and more specifically what need(s) it addresses. I'm probably not making much sense because at this point my thoughts are still rather nebulous but here's what I'm thinking about: do I need the assurance that God loves me and has a wonderful plan for my life (both of which are true) or is it more critical that I see God as holy and my sin as wicked and depraved and that I must repent in order to know the life He offers through His Son? In other words, do I begin with me or with God as I consider the gospel? Today I heard a presentation of the "Four Spiritual Laws"; hence my pondering. I do know what I think in terms of the questions I've raised here; my ponderings are more along the lines of weighing the differences between the approaches and what, if any, theological implications result.

Finishing...this post so I can go put on yet another load of laundry.

Happy November, friends!

Happy Reformation Day!

2011-10-31T09:30:00.003-05:00

From the time I was a girl, I have been taught that salvation is by grace alone through faith alone. I've read and studied God's Word using numerous Bibles over the years, from the children's Living Bible I received in Sunday school as a child to the ESV study Bible I currently use. It wasn't until I was an adult that I discovered these are privileges granted to me through the Reformation.

October 31 is, to most of us, Halloween. It is also the date that Martin Luther nailed his 95 theses to the church door in Wittenburg in 1517. What does a monk and a long list of grievances against the Catholic church and its sale of indulgences have to do with me today? For those of us who joyfully and humbly exalt in justification by grace through faith, everything. Luther's assertion that God's righteousness is imputed to us through the work of Christ was so radical that he was called to recant or face execution, to which Luther replied,

"Unless I am convinced by sacred Scripture or by evident reason, I cannot recant, for my conscience is held captive by the Word of God, and to act against conscience is neither right nor safe. Here I stand. I can do no other. God help me.”

An uproar ensued and surely Luther would have been killed if not for his friends staging a kidnapping. Thus the Reformation began.

Not only that, but did you know that many Reformers died cruel and horrible deaths because they believed the Bible ought to be available to the common man in his own language? Consider that next time you open the Word and read it in language you understand.

We owe a great debt to Martin Luther and it is tragic that so many of us who profess faith in Christ know so little of this critical event in history. If you are like me and never really considered the Reformation nor its influence on the Christian faith, here are a few links to pique your interest...

Luther and the Reformation--a short overview from R.C. Sproul on the events of October 31, 1517

Abandon the Reformation, Abandon the Gospel--From The Gospel Coalition, a synopsis of the historical events and how they ought to influence churches today

Luther's Stand--a more detailed description of Luther before the council (HT: Ordinary Pastor)

Here's the scene as imagined by the movie Luther (which I enjoyed immensely):

Happy Reformation Day!

Sunday Prayer: Resting on God

2011-10-30T08:01:00.001-05:00

From The Valley of Vision...

O GOD MOST HIGH, MOST GLORIOUS,

The thought of thin infinite serenity cheers me,
For I am toiling and moiling, troubled and distressed,
but thou art for ever at perfect peace.

Thy designs cause thee no fear or care of unfulfilment,
they stand fast as the eternal hills.

Thy power knows no bond,
thy goodness no stint.

Thou brings order out of confusion,
and my defeats are thy victories:
The Lord God omnipotent reigneth.

I come to thee as a sinner with cares and sorrows,
to leave every concern entirely to thee,
every sin calling for Christ's precious blood;

Revive deep spirituality in my heart;

Let me live near to the great Shepherd,
hear his voice, know its tones, follow its calls.

Keep me from deception by causing me to abide in the truth,
from harm by helping me to walk in the power of the Spirit.

Give me intenser faith in the eternal verities,
burning into me by experience the things I know;

Let me never be ashamed of the truth of the gospel,
that I may bear its reproach,
vindicate it,
see Jesus as is essence,
know in it the power of the Spirit.

Lord, help me, for I am often lukewarm and chill;
unbelief mars my confidence,
sin makes me forget thee.

Let the weeds that grow in my soul be cut at their roots;

Grant me to know that I truly live only when I live to thee,
that all else is trifling.

Thy presence alone can make me holy, devout, strong and happy.

Abide in me, gracious God.

A confession and a recipe

2011-10-29T11:32:00.001-05:00

I suppose it was bound to happen: I completely and totally forgot about posting yesterday. The 21 day experiment did not cross my mind even once!

In an attempt to redeem myself--or not--I thought I would share the recipe for the fabulous cheese ring I mentioned in Thursday's post. And, it really is fabulous and I'm not even boasting. It's the truth. Of course, as with most of my recipes, I cannot claim credit. This recipe comes from my friend Linda whose cheese ring has long been the staple of bridal teas, baby showers and other similar events. I am honored to share this recipe in her honor and with thanks for all the cheese ring goodness she has sent my way! :)

LINDA'S CHEESE RING

16 oz grated cheddar cheese, extra sharp
16 oz grated cheddar cheese, medium
1 cup mayonnaise
1 tsp red cayenne pepper
1 small grated onion
1 cup chopped pecans
Strawberry preserves

Mix and knead together the cheese, mayo, pepper and onion. Line a bunt cake pan with foil; press the cheese mixture into the pan and refrigerate overnight. Before serving cover with chopped pecans and fill the inside of the ring with the strawberry preserves. Serve with butter flavored crackers.

Enjoy!!

Thankfulness on Thursday

2011-10-27T13:09:00.002-05:00

I am joining other blog friends in giving thanks on Thursday for the blessings and the mercies of the previous week. This week I thank the Lord for...

The opportunity to celebrate the impending arrival of a precious little life with a baby shower tonight.

The cheese ring I made for the baby shower tonight. I suppose, technically speaking, that I'm not exactly thankful for it yet, as it hasn't been served, but I had a little taste after making it last night and it's good, well worth advance gratitude. I am also thankful for the goodies my friends will be making: caramel apple dip and mini chicken salad sandwiches, just to name a couple.

My Southern heritage and our tradition of marking all of life's major events--births, deaths, weddings, and so on--with food: the conventional casserole, certainly, or a cheese ring as the case may be.

The kind of community I share with my friends and fellow church members, my sisters in Christ, where we rejoice with those who rejoice and grieve with those who grieve.

My internet friends who encourage me through our conversations via email or twitter. Y'all are true friends to me, whether we've met in real life or not--and I sure hope we can someday!

A big win for Senior Night, my son's last home football game last Friday night.

My husband coming home after several days (too many days!) of being out of town. I missed him!

Open windows, cool breezes, and leaves turning.

Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

What are you thankful for this week?

I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart;

I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.

I will be glad and exult in you;

I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.

~ Psalm 9:1-2

Let him who boasts boast in this...

2011-10-26T13:05:00.002-05:00

It has seemed lately that everything my boy has touched turned to gold. So much "gold", in fact, that I struggle with even telling you that much because part of me wants to list out all the goodness that has come his way and, should I do so, I fear that I will then succumb to that sort of obnoxious mommy boasting that no one wants to read, me least of all. So, suffice it to say, we are proud and happy and excited.

It also seems that everywhere I go he's the talk of the town; from the bagger at the local grocery store to attendees at a bridal tea to the hygienist at the dentist office, all offer their congratulations. File this under the list of things I love about living in a small(er) town: the pride of the community when one of her own "done good."

It is strange, though. I confess that, while I revel in the shared sense of pride in his accomplishments, I am also a little uncomfortable with it. I never quite know what to say other than "Thank you" (and I do thank you, all of you who have offered your words of encouragement and support--it means so much to us, more than you can know).

People, well meaning friends and family who love me, have congratulated me (me!?) on a job well done. The truth is, I may be the mom, but even if I wanted to I couldn't take any credit, mainly because I know quite well that I do not deserve any. I know all too well my insufficiencies and inadequacies. I say he's had fabulous teachers and he has. I say that he has been entirely self motivated and he has. For my part, I did read to him and I made sure he had food to eat and I did the very best I could juggling the impossible duties of mommy-hood four times over and I begged the Lord for sustaining grace and I got up the next day and I did it all over again.

Not exactly a testimony of triumph.

And besides, supposing I did want to think it's all on me, what sort of pressure would that place on my other children? We do not expect all our kids to be the same and one of my greatest concerns is that they will see our joy here, in this, and think it a mandate to go and do the same. Everyone's different, I am fond of saying, and so too our trials and triumphs both.

Truthfully, I tremble in fear at that part of me that would dare take some sort of credit. I am also afraid of either of us, my boy or his mom, getting the big head, becoming puffed up, indulging in pride rather than choosing humility, allowing the thrill of award and accomplishment to become an idol.

So if you were to offer me your congratulations I would most likely claim it all to be grace. That is true, more than you can know, but I am also a tad uncomfortable with that response. I know you've heard many a coach or player give thanks to the "Man Upstairs" for the blessing of victory and perhaps you too have rolled your eyes at the insinuation that the Lord God Almighty is somehow only the God of the victorious. I always wonder if that coach or player had lost, perhaps in a devastatingly humiliating fashion, would he/she still give thanks and acknowledge the goodness and blessing of God?

Thus when I tell you that these goodnesses that have come our way are all of grace, I would want to add something of an clarification, asserting that when I say it's grace I do not mean that those who do not receive similar accolades are thereby not quite so favored. Quite the contrary. What I do mean is that the Lord has indeed blessed us but we know that these blessings--just like anything and everything else in our lives--aren't granted to us because of some sort of merit on our part. Yes, my boy has worked hard and we are proud for him to receive recognition for his diligence. Others work hard too and we know that.

I know that blessings (and trials too) are meant to teach us something about ourselves and then ultimately something about the Lord Himself. Consider Paul who asserted his thorn was sent to him to keep him from becoming conceited and then James who reminds us every good gift is from the Father above. Good things, difficult things, both from the hand of a sovereign, good God.

I've observed every good gift tends to carry with it a corresponding temptation. Pride, for instance (his or his mom's). I've also noted, surely you have as well, that brilliance--in sports, in academics, in anything--can also lead to complacency, laziness, and arrogance, among other things, particularly so if we look only to the gift and ignore the Giver. Will we see our propensity to such evils and withstand them in the power of the gospel?

This world and its adulations will pass. Within a few month's time, most certainly less, the bagger at the grocery store will no longer be talking of my boy nor his accomplishments. What then? Will we receive this, the Lord's grace, with humility and gratitude and view it in the light of eternity? Were it heartache and not happiness that was granted to me in this hour, could I still say it's all grace? Given tragedy or triumph, will I boast only in the cross through which the world has been crucified to me and I to the world?

Don't get me wrong. We are so stinkin' proud of our boy. We are so excited and so happy and so full of anticipation for him and his future. How we long for him to be a good steward of all that has been granted to him! Such joy, it's all grace! But this too is His grace to us: teaching us the heart of deceit that lies within and reminding us of the fleeting nature of our lives even as we delight in His sovereign goodness.

So, then, as we rejoice, we hold these things with an open hand knowing that when we reach our final reward, all merits, awards, and other such worldly designations will be utterly and completely meaningless. Our testimony will not point to all that the world esteemed as valuable and worthy--how ridiculous! Instead it will be our humble triumph to joyously proclaim that through it all--the exhilarations and the disappointments, the joys and the struggles, the happinesses and the heartbreaks--we learned that we are nothing and He, the Lord, the Savior, Christ Himself, is everything. He is preeminent in all things. We will boast in His sufficiency and we will gladly lay all at His feet, His kingdom our highest aim, His glory our one desire.

Grace, grace, God's grace.

Thus says the LORD:

"Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom,

let not the mighty man boast in his might,

let not the rich man boast in his riches,

but let him who boasts boast in this,

that he understands and knows me,

that I am the LORD who practices steadfast love,

justice, and righteousness in the earth.

For in these things I delight, declares the LORD."

~Jer. 9:23-24

On women's conferences and a growing passion for God's Word

2011-10-25T14:49:00.001-05:00

I attended my first women's conference over thirteen years ago. It was a Beth Moore conference, in the early years of her speaking circuit, with only a couple thousand attendees. So small, in fact, that its venue was a church and she did book signings in between sessions, if you can believe it.

As I said, it was my first such event and I was blown away. It seems strange to us now, in our information saturated culture of Twitter and Facebook and internet and blogs, to think that I really had no idea what to expect. All I knew of women's Bible studies was the display at the LifeWay store in the big city. That plus the Christianbook catalog were my only sources of what was happening in the up and coming world of women's ministry. Remember, this was before the DVD. I don't even think my husband had talked me into a computer and internet for the house yet! Up to that point, my only framework for ministry to women had little to do with the Bible or any sort of in depth Bible study but rather more to do with our monthly missions meetings (a good and excellent ministry in its own right).

So, yeah, as you can see, I was blown away.

So I became something of a women's conference junkie. My heart stirred by the realization that the Bible could be known and studied with a level of depth and passion that I had never before encountered, I began facilitating and leading Bible studies for the women in my church and planning trips to conferences all around the southeast. We would buy tickets and make hotel reservations well over a year in advance; we would stand in line along with the thousands of women seeking a fresh word, a fresh experience, a front row seat.

I try to think now what I was really seeking then through all my conference road trips. What appealed to me so? Some accused me, half teasingly, of being a Beth Moore groupie, an appellation I resented and resisted. True, we attended far more Living Proof Live conferences than any other; it's also true that Beth, like her or not, has an uncanny ability to relate to her audience as if you are all BFF's. Though I too considered Beth a friend, I honestly don't think it was she who inspired so many road trips but rather her infectious desire for women to be engaged in Bible study. I understand some find fault with her approach to Bible study but for me, at that point in my journey, she offered something I had never before experienced. In my ignorance her instruction seemed a feast to me, I who up until then had no idea I was starving.

As you know, if you've read this blog for any length of time, I grew somewhat disillusioned both with the big conference experience as well as the neatly edited, beautifully packaged studies marketed to women. I began to deliberately avoid video driven studies, not because I thought them evil in and of themselves, but rather because I began to observe a tendency in myself and others to study the study and yes even the teacher over and above the Bible itself. My approach to leading Bible study changed and my conference attendance waned. While I remain profoundly grateful for all those conferences I attended and the hours of video instruction I received, I find myself hungering for a substantive, serious study of the Scripture. I love God's Word. I want to know how to carefully examine it and study it and know it. I am weary of studies that are about me, me, me, full of fluff and empty panaceas. Though I often feel ill equipped both as a Bible student and certainly as a Bible teacher, I want to press on to the deep things of the Lord, to the meat of Scripture.

I do not say such as a boast nor as an indictment of specific authors or speakers. However, I do believe it is our privilege and our responsibility--as believers, as women, as wives and moms and sisters and daughters, as passionate followers of Christ desperate for His grace and desirous of His glory--it is our privilege to know His Word, to be women of theology and doctrine, and for His Word to be living and active in our lives. Therefore I am so excited about The Gospel Coalition's Women's Conference next June. Watch this video and see if you don't get excited as well!

Growing Passion for God's Word from The Gospel Coalition on Vimeo.

The Gospel Coalition describes the conference as being...

...for women but not all about women. It’s about the gospel of Jesus Christ. It’s a time to learn more of what Scripture says to us—and to say it to each other. A time to dig deeper into the character of God and his purpose for his people. A time to gather together and share biblical encouragement as sisters, daughters, wives, mothers, and friends.Several renowned Bible teachers, including three TGC founding members, will explore the theme “Here Is Our God!” by guiding us through the Bible’s unfolding revelation of God to human eyes and hearts. Plenaries will offer exposition of biblical texts in which the Lord shows himself to his people. Seminars will feature women living out the Word, seeing and serving God with transformed and transforming lives.

"Dig deeper...share biblical encouragement...guiding us through the Bible's unfolding revelation...exposition of biblical texts...living out the Word..." Yes and amen! Sign me up! I don't know yet if I'll be able to attend but I sure hope I can! Anyone else excited? Who is going?

Interested in finding out more? Read the conference details here.

A Monday mish mash of thoughts on blogging or the lack thereof

2011-10-24T20:27:00.002-05:00

Have you noticed I'm posting later and later each day? Like here it is after 8 pm and I am just now sitting down to attempt to post something (anything!). It has been a crazy Monday, as it is with most Mondays, and writing, editing, posting, all have taken a back burner to such pressing pursuits like grocery shopping and washing sheets and folding laundry and having lunch with my husband. The day-to-day stuff that today was the all-day-long stuff.

My twenty-one day experiment is proving to be more difficult than I anticipated (as is obvious). I've been thinking today about my blogging and my future thereof, wondering if, when this experiment reaches its conclusion next week, I will want to continue. Will I discover a rejuvenation in my blogging motivation? Will I suddenly find both the time and the fodder to blog on a regular basis? I'm still uncertain and remain curious as to what spark, if any, this next few days' of blogging will bring. I think part of me expected that my only hindrance to blogging with some degree of regularity was merely a lack of discipline. I'd gotten out of the habit, I thought; hence the 21 day experiment to jump start my writing muse. I've since discovered there are other complicating factors: time, for one, perhaps the biggest one. There are other issues at work too, like a general, albeit unexplained malaise with much that social media has to offer. I love social media; it's my place in it that has me confused.

That being said, today's something (anything) is yet again nothing though I actually do have a real post in the works, one that requires both deliberate thought and careful editing, neither of which I am able to accomplish after 8 pm, today or any day. Maybe it will see the light of day tomorrow. And I do have a couple of other posts nearly finished but languishing in the draft pile, posts also needing deliberate thought, careful editing, as well as due consideration before posting. In other words, do I really want to say what I'm saying? The conundrum of every blogger, to be sure: weighing her words to see if they are fit for public consumption. Some things, you know, are best left to oneself.

And there you have it, friends: Day 14 of Something (Anything): A 21 Day Blogging Experiment, such as it is. Seven more to go!

Sunday Hymn: Be Thou My Vision

2011-10-23T08:16:00.001-05:00

Be thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that thou art;
Thou my best thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, thy presence my light.

Be thou my wisdom, and thou my true word;
I ever with thee and thou with me, Lord:
Thou my great Father, I thy true son,
Thou in me dwelling, and I with thee one.

Riches I heed not, or man's empty praise,
Thou mine inheritance, now and always:
Thou and thou only, first in my heart,
High King of heaven, my treasure thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heaven's Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my vision, O Ruler of all.

Words, Ancient Irish; translated Mary Byrne, 1905; versified, Eleanor Hull, 1912

True confessions

2011-10-22T17:41:00.002-05:00

True confessions: I will not post anything today other than this, a public service announcement stating as such. My reasons: a busy Friday, a visit from my parents (which totally trumps blogging any and every day, blog experiment or no), Senior Night at the football game last night, waking up with a bad headache and accompanying nausea, and thus general fatigue. Instead of writing and posting, I have rested and napped and am now about to head out to watch my youngest play football. So, happy Saturday, friends! Perhaps tomorrow will hold fresh content here at the blog but no promises... If there is any truth to the Something (Anything) philosophy of blogging, it is that there is grace when life trumps both the something and the anything that may otherwise be blogged. However, I do know for certain with a new day comes new mercies as well as a fresh provision of daily bread, glory to God!

It's only a table

2011-10-21T09:52:00.000-05:00

When we married, my husband and I had very little furniture. We were renting a small one bedroom apartment so we didn't need much: sofa, bed, chest of drawers, T.V., most all of which were donated to us by various family members. It was a hodge-podge, to be sure. One necessity we lacked was a table and chairs. With some money gifted to us at the wedding, we purchased four chairs, a table top, and four table legs, all unfinished, and set to work sanding and staining and painting and attaching legs to the table top. We were so proud of our industry! The chairs I still have, though I've since repainted them once or twice.

When we bought our first home my mom lent us my great grandmother's table. A little nervous about little preschool hands and playdoh and crayons and toys and other similiarly potential hazards unfriendly to antique family heirlooms, we were glad to temporarily help my mom out by storing her table for her while simultaneously enjoying a beautiful piece of furniture in our kitchen.

We moved to Alabama and brought her table with us. It was too large to fit in our kitchen so we bought a small ceramic top table that easily fit the four of us (and no more). My mom's gorgeous table was relegated to the dining room and thus reserved for special occasions like birthdays and Christmas.

My mom eventually reclaimed her table and we ended up inheriting one that came with our next home purchase that was left behind by the previous owners. It easily sat six, a definite plus since our family had grown by that time. However, our dining room remained empty. That is, until my mom once again came to the rescue, this time spotting a beautiful set in a used furniture store. We bought it, she refinished it (win-win for us), and it served us well first in our dining room and then in our breakfast area once we inherited my husband's grandmother's table, chairs, hutch and buffet.

I loved our old table but when my friend decided to sell hers, a newer, sturdier table with a seating capacity of 8, we sold ours and bought hers. I felt a little silly at the sudden rush of nostalgia that hit me when my husband carried out the old table. It's just a table, with no sentimental value. That is, no sentimental value other than the countless meals and homework assignments and piles of books, jackets, and mail it had sustained over the years. Plus, it was old. The new table was, well, new, only a couple of years old compared to the decades of my previous table.

For my son's sixteenth birthday bash we extended the new kitchen table to its full length, allowing for eight guests to sit comfortably, something we had never been able to do with the other table. I liked it. We kept it extended for several weeks, and having such an expanse of table was both convenient and useful. Last week, however, I took the leaf out, returning the table to its smaller size. I found I prefer the six of us sitting closer, me being able to sit at the foot of the table and see the faces of those most precious to me in one glance.

This table too will no doubt see its share of homework and piles of paper and mail and jackets and iPods and pencils and backpacks and the like. It seems to me there are fewer and fewer meals we share together, all six of us, thus each one of them a blessing and a grace.

I know. It's only a table. I know I'm over sentimentalizing and I'm okay with that. Today, to me, in this current state of nostalgic melancholy, it is also a metaphor, a picture, a taste--of grace, of family, of memories, of hope, of love, of things precious to me.

Thankfulness on Thursday

2011-10-20T20:56:00.001-05:00

I am joining other blog friends in giving thanks on Thursday for the blessings and the mercies of the previous week. Today I thank the Lord for the following...

A new cut and color. I know, I know, hair color and hair do's are totally frivolous blessings but blessings I am grateful for nonetheless.

The bounty of having plenty to eat and then some, a blessing brought into sharp relief as I cleaned out my fridge today. In fact, I was more than a little ashamed at the quantity of food I had allowed to spoil and thus had to toss. I am thankful for the Lord's provision in granting us food, good food, lots of food, to eat.

The privilege and responsibility of being a stay at home mom. Sure, cleaning out the fridge isn't exactly the stuff dreams are made of but I am glad for it, not for the gross-ness of such a task so much but for the opportunity to serve my family in the care of my home.

My husband who works hard to provide for us and take care of us and allows me the frivolity of a cut and color.

The healthy dose of self examination and corresponding conviction that accompanied the discussion in Bible study of "fruit" vs. "root" repentance.

The book of Jeremiah.

Chick-Fil-A.

Friends.

Cool weather.

Football Fridays.

Blessings all mine, with ten thousand beside!

What are you thankful for this week?

I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart;

I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.

I will be glad and exult in you;

I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.

~ Psalm 9:1-2

Today...

2011-10-19T17:44:00.004-05:00

Today...

...I did not clean out the refrigerator this morning as I intended.

...I did watch the end of an Inspector Lewis episode I recorded a couple of weeks ago. It is a cold and gray day, perfect for a British murder mystery--or, at the very least, the last half hour of one!

....I did not fall asleep watching the end this particular episode as I've done the first two times I attempted to watch it. Finally, I know who the murderer is!

....I did go to the Crisis Pregnancy Center as is my usual Wednesday routine.

...I did not know how to say "Happy Birthday" in Spanish but I still sang to the precious little Hispanic boy who accompanied his mom to the Center today. "Tomorrow his happy," she told me with a big grin as she kissed his cheek.

...I did enjoy attempting to converse with a sweet family who know the Lord, but English, not quite so much. I was glad we were able to meet some of their tangible needs like diapers and warm clothes.

...I did not run my errands after leaving the Center.

...I did come home, make a pot of coffee and change into a sweatshirt and jeans.

...I did not wish for the warm 80's of yesterday but confess to being somewhat chilled by the sudden drop in temperatures. Chilled or no, I'm liking the cool weather. Lows in the 30's this week, yes!!!

...I did pick up chicken fingers from the grocery store deli for supper. I am tired, I feel like maybe I'm getting sick, I did not want to cook, and I'm okay with that. Plus I scored major mom points with my boys.

...I did not feel like posting today, blogging experiment or not.

...I did post anyway, such as it is.

A look and a glance, revisited

2011-10-18T15:00:00.001-05:00

A month or so ago my son was up and out of the bed somewhat earlier than usual. When asked about his unusually early start to the day, he replied he was going to breakfast with "his girl."

"And that's not you anymore, babe," my husband teased me with a look that seemed to wonder: will she laugh or will she cry? Bless his heart, sometimes he never knows.

I did neither. Instead, I smiled my agreement as I thought of a post I wrote a few years ago in which I expressed curiosity over this very phenomenon: the girlfriend. I am sharing that post again today, but not for any of the reasons you might think. My son does indeed have a girlfriend; however, we are quite unlike the mom and girlfriend I describe in the following post. There are no awkward conversations or feeble attempts at superficial small talk, no pretended pleasantry. Instead there is very real pleasantry! "His girl" is a fantastic girl, someone I like and enjoy very much, just the sort of girl every mom wishes for her son, a girl who loves the Lord Jesus and seems to really like my boy, a girl who borrowed, read, and enjoyed my copy of Jane Eyre. Really, what more could a mom want? :)

No, I re-post, not because of any awkwardness, social or otherwise, but as yet another testimony to the quick passage of time. I've told you before: time, it flies. I thought about this stage then as being distant in the future and yet here I am, far sooner than I thought. As usual, I am caught between gratitude for the now that is now and astonishment that the now is really the now...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

From the Lisa writes... archives, circa August, 2008

My number two son's soccer game was nearing its end. The players for the next game were warming up on the sidelines, big boys, young men really, probably seventeen or eighteen years old. As I cheered after my son's header goal (a goal scored by hitting the ball into the net with your head), a group of spectators for the next game crowded in around me: what appeared to be a mom, a dad, a young girl (16 or 17 herself) and a grandpa trailing behind.

Though the stands were hardly full, they must have liked the looks of my vantage point because we were all wedged in pretty tight once they took their seats. Evidently they could not read my body language that clearly stated "Get out of my way--my boy is playing out there and I cannot see THROUGH you!" not to mention "Hello? I like my SPACE!"

Anyway, because of our close proximity, I was able to observe and listen, and through the course of their conversation, I discovered this little family was indeed a mom and a dad and a grandpa of one of the players soon to take the field.

Their son/grandson walked by at one point, his mom saying something to him, maybe asking him a question. (Wonder if she's like me and asks before every. single. game: "Got your shin guards? Cleats? Water bottle?") Though he glanced at his mom as he answered, he looked at the girl and only the girl.

She was the girlfriend.

This I could tell not just from the looking by the young boy, but by the obvious effort the mom was making at conversation. As I heard her ask the girl about what classes she was taking and attempt to make small talk about the last soccer match, I detected some small strain in her voice, some small degree of pretended pleasantry that didn't quite ring true. Oh, don't get me wrong, she was nice, extremely so. I just got the impression she was trying too hard, her heart not really in it.

I thought: I've seen my future.

Yep, one day, sooner or later, though no doubt it will come much sooner rather than later, I will be the mom making small talk with the girlfriend. She will be a nice girl, she'd better be, but still I will feel as if I must try too hard and be too pleasant because part of me will wish for the look and not the glance.

He loved me first and best, I will want to say. She of course will not believe me and neither will he. I didn't either, not until I became a mom and literally became the center of his world. Though it was only a few months until he preferred his daddy and then several years (still counting...) until he preferred the girl.

I'm not saying I want to tie my children to my apron strings; not at all. I've seen mothers who smother and I do not wish that for myself nor my boys. I once had an older and wiser friend remind me that we raise our kids to let them go, and so I do. I just didn't know it would happen so darn fast and that the letting go would be so bittersweet.

When it is my turn to sit in the bleachers making small talk with some young thing and my boy walks by with a look for her and a glance for me, may I be kind and gracious, thankful for the opportunity to love him and raise him even as I let him go, trusting the One who gave him to me in the first place.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Something (Anything): A 21 Day Blogging Experiment, Day Eight

In which something (anything) is really nothing at all

2011-10-17T13:55:00.000-05:00

So, it's day 7 of the 21 day experiment and blogger's block has set in. Big time. So much so that last night, knowing my 21 day commitment and knowing I had nothing by way of post content for today, I polled my family for ideas. "What should I post about tomorrow?" I asked, not realizing that asking an honest question requiring a thoughtful answer is not best received while said family is sprawled out on sofa and chair in front of an NFL game.

"Write about Friday being Senior night, the last home football game," my second son suggested. I'm guessing he figured after my post about his birthday I could easily wax nostalgic again, this time on his brother's last few remaining games of his football career. He's right, I can totally work nostalgic, just not today.

My oldest son just received his acceptance letter to the college of his choice; one of my guys suggested I write about that. What could I say? He's leaving home in a matter of months; the letter just made it all the more official. And real. I'm not ready to say much more at this point. We are proud, yes. Very. I am also overwhelmed and sad and maybe in denial just a little bit. All of which you've heard and will no doubt hear again as we get closer and closer to the big transition.

By the way, I love that my boys are proud enough of their big brother to be so generous with his bloggy press. :)

"Write about {insert some random object}" one of my younger sons recommended. He was being silly and he knew it. Who can write about a shoe or a pillow or whatever it was (I can't even remember) he identified as potential blog fodder? I am not quite so talented with the keyboard to render any object interesting, and the thesaurus would only take me so far. Blogger's block hinders whatever small (very small) degree of creativity I may have previously enjoyed.

So I sought my friend's advice today as she and I were out walking our dogs. "What can I write about today?" I asked as we were both jerking and being jerked by our puppies on their respective leashes. "I have to post something (anything!) and I'm stuck. Only seven days in and I'm so stuck." We had just been discussing the merits of decorating for fall. For instance, autumn decorations are the only ones that can be displayed for two months. Though neither of us actually do any such decorating, we agree maybe we will, one day. Pumpkins and mums we like. We saw some personalized artificial pumpkins and we like those too. Thus her suggestion: blog on fall decor. Unfortunately I just exhausted all I know and can therefore pontificate on in regard to autumnal design.

"Or, you could write about us walking our dogs," she suggested, though I think that there might have been a question as to who was really walking whom, us or the puppies.

My husband and I had lunch today and I put the question to him. "You could post about YNAB" was his recommendation. We had just been discussing the budget and the ease of entering transactions via the You Need A Budget ("YNAB") app. I could, I suppose, but the subject is much nearer and dearer to his heart than mine.

Football, my son growing up, walking my dog, budgets--these are the sort of nothings among a multitude of nothings that make up the something that is my day to day life. Thus today's "Something (Anything)" is really nothing at all, at least nothing of significance, but perhaps it is enough of something (anything) to help me persevere in my commitment to blogging daily.

What about you? What do you do when faced with writer's block? Where do you find post ideas?

Sunday Prayer: The Deeps

2011-10-16T07:00:00.000-05:00

From The Valley of Vision...

LORD JESUS,

Give me a deeper repentance,
a horror of sin,
a dread of its approach;

Help me chastely to flee it,
and jealously to resolve that my heart shall be thine alone.

Give me a deeper trust,
that I may lose myself to find myself in thee,
the ground of my rest,
the spring of my being.

Give me a deeper knowledge of thyself
as Saviour, Master, Lord, and King.

Give me deeper power in private prayer,
more sweetness in thy Word,
more steadfast grip in its truth.

Give me deeper holiness in speech, thought, action,
and let me not seek moral virtue apart from thee.

Plough deep in me, great Lord, heavenly Husbandman,
that my being may be a tilled field,
the roots of grace spreading far and wide,
until thou alone art seen in me,
thy beauty golden like summer harvest,
they fruitfulness as autumn plenty.

I have no Master but thee,
no law but thy will,
no delight but thyself,
no wealth but that thou givest,
no good but that thou blessest,
no peace but that thou bestowest.

I am nothing but that thou makest me,
I have nothing but that I receive from thee,
I can be nothing but that grace adorns me.

Quarry me deep, dear Lord,
and then fill me to overflowing with living water.

Something (Anything): A 21 Day Blogging Experiment, Day Six

Words Worth Pondering from D. A. Carson

2011-10-15T08:00:00.000-05:00

Something (Anything): A 21 Day Blogging Experiment, Day 5

From The God Who Is There by D.A. Carson...

Biblically faithful Christianity does not present itself as a nice religious structure that makes happier parents and well-ordered children and good taxpaying citizens. It may produce better parents and taxpaying citizens, but the issues at stake in biblical Christianity have to do with eternity: heaven and hell, matters of the utmost significance, your relationship to your Maker, what God has provided in Christ, what the cross is about, the resurrection. At the end of the day, what hell measures is how much Christ paid for those who escape hell. The measure of his torment (in ways I do not pretend to begin to understand) as the God-man is the measure of the torment that we deserve and he bore. And if you see that and believe it, you will find it difficult to contemplate the cross for very long without tears.

In celebration of my second boy's sixteenth birthday, though somewhat tardily

2011-10-14T07:00:00.000-05:00

Today I confess (once again) another failure (yes again) as both a mom and blogger: I let my second son's birthday slip by with only the merest of mentions here on the blog. And it was a milestone birthday to boot: his sixteenth. I wouldn't feel quite so badly--after all I do not pretend to be a prolific mommy blogger nor even a prolific blogger in general--except for the fact that his brother hitting the big 1-6 garnered a post all its own, with pictures.

So, yes, my number two boy is sixteen (plus one month and two days). Just like when his brother turned sixteen, I feel once again caught between the bitter and the sweet. So much sweet. And perhaps because his birthday is in September, right smack in the middle of the chaos that is the start of school and football season and soccer season, I sometimes feel as if I am being carried away by the swell of time passing by in such a rush so that I cannot stop and think and remember and reflect. Or, blog as the case may be. So, yeah, a twinge of sadness and melancholy too. He is growing up so fast, becoming a man right before our eyes, a good man, a Godly man, a man who in this mother's eyes is still (will always be) her boy.

I am so proud. My boy is such a delight and brings so much joy and laughter to us. Personality-plus even as a baby, his great grandmother called him "Smiley." See what cuteness he was then:

And what handsomeness now:

I admire his wit, his diligence, his determination to work hard at whatever goal he has set for himself, not to mention his mad hula-hoop skills! I am so grateful the Lord granted us this precious stewardship of being his parents. What joy. What blessing. I love my boy, more than I can articulate, and I pray for him, as I pray for all my boys, that he would love the Lord with all his heart, all his mind, all his soul. That he would not be ashamed of the gospel but that he would be a bold witness to the glory of the Lord Jesus in all that he does. May he walk with the Lord all the days of his life and may he always know how much his parents love him. To God be the glory!

This is my fourth post for the Something (Anything): 21 Day Blogging Experiment

Thankfulness on Thursday

2011-10-13T08:19:00.001-05:00

Something (Anything): A 21 Day Blogging Experiment, Day Three

Today I am joining other bloggers in expressing gratitude on Thursdays for that week's blessings.

This week I give thanks to the Lord for the following, among a multitude of other undeserved graces and mercies...

The fall-ish weather in which I can wear boots four out of the last five days without looking ridiculous.

The fall-ish weather in which we have been able to have our windows open throughout the day.

Fall in general. I love October and November and, yes, even December and January. This is my favorite time of year!

The privilege of hearing God's Word preached with power and authority and the faithfulness of the Holy Spirit to bring conviction and encouragement through the preaching of the living Word.

My girlfriends and sisters in Christ at my church and the fellowship and community we enjoyed Tuesday night over bowls of soup and slices of strawberry cake. I love laughing together and praying together and finding encouragement together in God's Word.

Sharing lunch with my fellow counselor at the pregnancy center.

The opportunity to share the hope of the gospel with a client at the center and the confidence that when I offer her the good news that Jesus saves, I am offering to her the best and highest hope.

My husband who loves me so much, still, and takes care of me and insures I have the newest version of iTunes so that I may be able to download the latest iPhone software. Technology is his love language and I am so thankful!

After two busy, hectic days of errands and the like, a day at home to take care of the home-y sorts of privileges and responsibilities. Laundry, for example. Cleaning the bathrooms, perhaps. Walking the dog. A true ~~hermit~~ homebody at heart, I love home!

Fellow bloggers who are joining me in this blogging experiment.

What are you thankful for this week?

I will give thanks to the LORD with my whole heart;

I will recount all of your wonderful deeds.

I will be glad and exult in you;

I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.

~ Psalm 9:1-2

Thoughts on Surprised by Oxford

2011-10-12T10:09:00.002-05:00

Something (Anything): A 21 Day Blogging Experiment, Day Two

I am nearly halfway through the memoir Surprised by Oxford by Carolyn Weber. It is one of those rare books that, thirty pages in, you know you will love. And I do. I am thoroughly enjoying Carolyn's chronicle of her first year at Oxford and her corresponding journey to faith in Christ. Beautifully written with both honesty and piercing insight (Carolyn is a literature professor from Oxford after all), Surprised by Oxford is a compelling read.

By no means is this a full-fledged book review, but here are a few of my initial reactions halfway into the memoir...

I want to visit Oxford. The storied history, the beauty of the city and the school so carefully described in Carolyn's book, the rich tradition...all make me want to go and see for myself. I have always been something of a Anglophile (Hello? Jane Austen?) but now more so. Thanks to Carolyn's account plus the gorgeous Oxford scenery of Masterpiece Theater's Inspector Lewis series and I am so there. One day, perhaps!

I am no academic. Carolyn employs many literary and poetic references throughout her book, some I recognize and appreciate, most I do not. Who really quotes John Donne? Or John Milton? Or Samuel Coleridge? Who even reads poetry? And understands it? Poetry is one thing but the same goes for much of her allusions to various works of literature. I can't decide if this revelation of my lack of literary prowess relieves me or shames me. This much is certain: Oxford material, I am not. Which, by the way, does not alter my appreciation of Carolyn's book nor of her obvious scholarship. Quite the opposite! I love reading of the type of world and experience where ideas are considered and contemplated and weighed and questioned and deliberated and discussed and argued and pondered, which leads to my next observation...

Carolyn's account of her introduction to Christianity and her ensuing exploration of matters of faith is refreshing. Growing up steeped in the religious culture of the Southern Bible belt, I sometimes forget that my faith is a thinking faith, a rational faith--one that wrestles with and confronts and radically changes the way we see life, our worldview as it were. Truth carries far reaching implications, something we who grew up going to VBS sometimes forget in our esteem for the "way we've always been taught." For Carolyn, Christianity represents far more than a cultural way of life. It is a radical upheaval of all she has embraced and advocated, an upheaval that both unsettles and amazes her as she explores the implications of belief in Christ in relation to issues like feminism and fatherhood and forgiveness and love. It is a change that changes everything, she writes. Yes, indeed. How easily I take such change for granted. One reviewer has described the book as being for thinking Christians. Surprised by Oxford is thinking book, to be sure, a sharp, poignant, piercingly smart book and even as a sometime non-thinking non-academic I like it.

Something (Anything): A 21 Day Blogging Experiment

2011-10-11T15:37:00.002-05:00

There are nearly 750 bloggers participating in the Nester's "31 Days of...." a blogging carnival of sorts in which participants commit to publish a post a day on a single topic throughout the 31 days of October. I don't know which amazes me more: the promise to post for 31 CONSECUTIVE days or having enough to say on a single topic to write that many posts. And the topics are themselves eclectic: everything from 31 Days of Photo Tips, 31 Days to a Better Wardrobe, 31 Days of Fall Organizing, 31 Days of Free Printables, 31 Days of Tomatoes, and on and on it goes, a true testimony to the wide and varied nature of blogging. Take, for example, the 31 Day series that perhaps intrigues me as much as any other: 31 Days of Library Living. Yes and amen.

While I cannot, in my current state of bloggy limbo, imagine choosing a single topic and extrapolating said topic over 31 posts, I've decided to embark on a blogging experiment of my own, one I'm calling "Something (Anything): A 21 Day Experiment." As the title suggests, I am going to attempt to post something (anything) every day for 21 days. In doing so, I hope to answer nagging questions like: Do I like blogging any more? Is my blogger's block a function of a lapse in writing regularly? If yes, will a commitment to do just that--blog on a regular basis--grant me perspective on my writing life or lack thereof?

You may be wondering, as I, if I really will be able to post something (anything) on a daily basis. Probably not, but I'm willing to give it a try, admittedly something of a challenge given the fact that I probably haven't posted 21 times in the last 4 months combined. However, in the interest of full disclosure, I'm quite certain not all 21 posts will be original material. I may post quotes from books I am reading, I may recycle old posts, I may link to someone else's post. Regardless, I hope that through this experiment I will remember what it is I loved about blogging and rediscover my blogging muse, as it were.

What about you? Are you also muddling through a blogging lull? What to join in with your own experiment? Maybe 21 days is too ambitious (I'm beginning to agree)--what about a five day or ten day experiment? Let me know if you choose to attempt a writing commitment; we can encourage each other to press on through whatever block or lapse or lull we may be seeking to overcome.

Twenty one posts?! Can I do it? Let's find out!

Status Report, October

2011-10-06T08:13:00.002-05:00

Sitting... at the dining room table.

Loving... our fall-ish weather. Love it. LOVE. IT.

Heading... to the big city today to spend a birthday gift card. Fun!

Wearing... BOOTS!!! Yes! On Sunday morning at church, my friend and I (both of us boot-clad of course) high-fived in celebration of the arrival of boot season. Yes and amen.

Recommending... Unbroken. Go, read it. Now. The less you know about it, the better. Even if you think you know what it's about, read it anyway. Louie's amazing story told with Hillebrand's storytelling is worth the price of the book and then some.

Reading... Steven James' novel The Queen. A suspense/thriller wasn't really what I was looking for after finishing Unbroken (a suspense/thriller in its own right, and truth not fiction) but I've gotten caught up in the latest adrenaline rush from Steven James despite myself. I'm having a hard time putting it down even to type up a blog post, such as it is...

Surprised... to see my 5 Minutes for Books review of Steven James' earlier novel in the series, The Rook, quoted in the front of The Queen. How fun is that?

Finishing... The God Who is There. Soon I hope. It has been such a rich, thought provoking, faith building read that I've taken my time getting through it. Good stuff. Also recommended.

Attending... in a Bible study on Tuesday mornings, the first such study I've done in ten years or more in which I haven't been the teacher or facilitator or planner or leader in any form or fashion. Strange but in a good way. I find myself in something of a lull in my own teaching and being a part of this study (as a back row student no less) has been good for me. I'm thinking through some things that need thinking through.

Praying... for friends and acquaintances each enduring their own unique pain and heartache and anxiety and many other trials and heartaches and worries. Oh, God, have mercy.

Editing... a post I began Tuesday. The post itself I wrote fairly quickly but since writing it I have edited and edited and edited and edited and...to the point I despair of it ever being posted.

Wondering... why, when one hardly ever posts, one feels an inexplicable unwillingness and wariness to post anything? Wouldn't you think that if one hasn't posted in, say two weeks (or more), one would have all sorts of things she'd be eager to write about and that words would then come easily and quickly? Not for this blogger. Quite the contrary. I am as insecure a blogger as ever.

Watching... the illegal immigration conundrum unfold right before our eyes in very tangible ways. In fact our town has been featured in various national news outlets. Regardless of your opinion on Alabama's new law, for many in our community the issue has names and faces. A complicated situation with no easy answers.

Wishing... you all a happy October and a wonderful fall!

Fall Into Reading 2011

2011-09-26T09:45:00.000-05:00

My blog friend Katrina hosts a twice yearly reading challenge in which participants list books they plan to read in the course of the challenge and then note their progress at its conclusion. It's always fun to participate (did you know Katrina has giveaways and prizes?!) and I usually end up with a longer-than-usual amazon wishlist after seeing all the great books that others are reading. So, for Katrina's Fall into Reading 2011 challenge, I plan to read the following titles (subject to reader discretion and whim, of course)...

NON-FICTION/MEMOIR

Unbroken: A World War II Story of Survival, Resilience, and Redemption by Laura Hillebrand
Everyone's reading it. Everyone's raving about it. My husband read it and raved about it. Now I'm reading it.

The God Who Is There: Finding Your Place in God's Story by D.A. Carson
It's cheating a little bit to add this one to my list because I'm more halfway done with it. It's one that Rebecca highly recommended and for good reason.

Surprised by Oxford: A Memoir by Carolyn Weber
I have been intrigued by the reviews I've read on this one and I am eager to read it for myself.

Why Church Matters: Discovering Your Place in the Family of God by Joshua Harris
I received this title for review and the press release that was included states that "Loving Jesus Christ involves a passionate commitment to His church--not just your presence in the pew." Yes and amen.

FICTION

The Queen by Steven James
I am a big fan of James' Patrick Bowers thrillers and I cannot wait to read this, the latest in the series. If it is anything like its predecessors it will be smart, witty, well-written, and intense.

Far from the Madding Crowd by Thomas Hardy
You know I have to throw in a classic title, or two. I've intended to read something of Hardy's for quite some time and no doubt I've listed a book by him in past reading challenges. This time, though, I really mean it.

100 Cupboards by N.D. Wilson
I forget where I first saw this book mentioned but again I've heard nothing but good about it.

OTHER POSSIBILITIES

Since I like keeping my options open (did I mention the whim of the reader earlier?) and I always have a (very long) running list of books I'm eager to read, here are other titles I'm interested in that may well find their way to my reading list over the course of the challenge...

The Enchanted April by Elizabeth von Arnim
Made to Crave: Satisfying Your Deepest Desire with God, Not Food by Lysa Terkheurst
Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus by Elyse Fitzpatrick and Jessica Thompson
The Bible or the Axe: One Man's Dramatic Escape From Persecution in the Sudan by William O. Levi
A Mountain of Crumbs: A Memoir by Elena Gorokhova
King's Cross: The Story of the World in the Life of Jesus by Tim Keller
A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini
Licensed to Kill: A Field Manual for Mortifying Sin by Brian Hedges

Do you have a stack of books you're planning to read this fall? Make a list and link up at Katrina's! You can also see what other reading challenge participants are reading and, like me, find even more books to add to your stack. Plus, there's prizes and giveaways all along the way!

Happy Blog Anniversary to me!

2011-09-22T17:57:00.001-05:00

Today, September 22, marks five years of blogging here at Lisa writes... Five years! Over eight hundred and seventy posts! Who knew I once had so much to say?

However sporadic my posting may currently be, I am thankful for this hobby and for the friendships and connections I have gained with fellow bloggers literally from around the world. I am grateful for our online conversations and for the encouragement I gain from your comments and emails and blog posts. What a blessing you are to me! How good and great is our God to use the internet medium to bring into my life a community of women that I esteem and respect so!

To those of you who read and comment, to those of you who read but never comment, and to those of you who lean over at the football game or stop me in the grocery store to tell me that you read--thank you. Your choosing to stop by and read my humble thoughts (when I actually have some and post them) humbles me. I don't know if this blog will live to see another five years or even another five months but I do know this: I love thinking through my faith and my journey as a mom and wife and sometime Bible teacher and I love writing about those things and I love interacting with you and your faith and your journey and I love that the Lord has graciously blessed me with all these for five years and some eight hundred posts, such as they are.

And, for the curious, here's my first post: Confessions of a Newbie. I am glad to know my desire remains the same: for the Lord to be honored and for others to be encouraged. How I hope it has been so!

Physical Evidence

2011-09-08T10:09:00.001-05:00

Jules tagged me with the following meme reasoning that because bloggers sometimes need a comic boost and a nudge, why not a meme which demands physical evidence:

1. What could serve as physical evidence that you sometimes lose focus?

My multifocus (a.k.a. bifocal) contact lens

2. What could serve as physical evidence that you are loved?

My husband who knows me best and sees the very worst of me and still comes home for supper.

3. What could serve as physical evidence that you’re from wherever you’re from?

There's the fact that I make a gallon of sweet tea a day, as well as the fact I would never, not ever, no never dare to wear white shoes after Labor Day, but the biggest evidence is most likely in my speech. Yes, I have something of ~~a drawl~~ an accent, y'all.

4. What could serve as physical evidence that you went anywhere this past week?

How about the sack of flour I purchased this morning, despite having been to the store yesterday and the day before?

5. What could serve as physical evidence that you recently caved in to temptation?

The Target receipt from my last trip to the big city which shows that not only did I buy a pair of red flats but I paid FULL PRICE for them too...

What to join along? Consider yourself tagged and let us know in the comments so we can examine your evidence as well. See who else Jules tagged and check out their responses!

Birthdays past and present

2011-09-06T09:27:00.000-05:00

Sunday was my birthday, 43 years! It was a great day, a day of friends and family, good food and fun gifts. What better way to begin a birthday than worshipping the Lord I love with people I love? After church we had lunch with my good friend and her family, a joint celebration of both our birthdays, mine on Sunday, hers on Monday. And of course we had cake!

I also enjoyed birthday greetings and well wishes via email and text, phone call and Facebook, hugs and even announcements from the pulpit. I am so grateful for such an outpouring of sentiment! How could I not have had a good day?

Birthdays at this juncture in life often prompt a good deal of reflection and remembrance on the part of the celebrator. I can't help but think of birthdays past, the traditions and excitement of my childhood celebrations as well as the transition to more "grown up" observances. When my sister and I were girls, my mom made us "doll cakes" for our birthdays, an elaborately decorated bundt cake serving as the skirt of a Barbie figurine. They were always so beautiful to me, almost too beautiful to eat! She would also sew a birthday dress to the birthday girl's specifications. What fun to go to the fabric store several days pre-birthday and pore over the pattern books, then picking the perfect fabric for the perfect dress. The birthday honoree also got to pick the restaurant for the birthday meal, though it seems in my memory we all always picked Red Lobster.

I have few memories of specific birthday celebrations. I do remember the year my sister (without much prying) confessed to me every single one of my gifts. I remember us standing in the tree house and she (not so very) reluctantly telling me of the surprises that awaited, though now I can only remember one: a Laverne and Shirley board game. Why that particular gift stands out in my mind, who knows?

I also remember the year I got pantyhose, the first step toward womanhood--or so I thought. In my excitement and surprise of that birthday, I could not imagine a day (like now, at 43) when I wouldn't even own a pair much less wear any within the last decade! I also remember my twelfth birthday (I think), when my best friend gave me a small zippered bag containing blush, mascara and cherry flavored lip gloss. Makeup!! I remember my mom's look of dismay when I showed her and her warning that we would have to check with my dad to see what he thought. I suppose he gave his consent; I never knew otherwise if he did not. I think I understand now, these many years later, her look of dismay.

I remember my first birthday away from home as a college freshman at Baylor University. The girls who lived in the dorm room across the hall threw me a surprise party of sorts; these same girls would a couple of years later come into my room in our condo we were renting and sing to me despite my protestations that my birthday really was on the fourth and not the second of September!

Later birthdays are more of a blur; I do recall my birthday sixteen years ago when I was, shall we say, great with child. He was due on the third but wouldn't make his arrival until he was forced to do so on the twelfth. More recent birthdays are more often than not marked by football games and soccer practices and the like. Every so often we all enjoy a three day holiday on my birthday like this past weekend! Regardless, my men sing to me and hug me and tell me they love me and these are the best birthday celebrations.

I am thankful for 43 years of life. I am glad for the perspective that 43 years bring. I am so grateful for the multitude of blessings that the Lord in His grace has granted to me over the course of my life. I see His sovereignty and in His sovereignty I see His goodness. I am humbled. I am glad. I am grateful.

Saturday morning thoughts following a Friday night win

2011-09-03T08:56:00.003-05:00

I love Friday night football.

I love watching my boy play.

I love watching my boy catch a pass for a touchdown.

And doing it again!

I love the exhilaration and the elation and the high five's that follow a score.

I love winning and winning big.

I love Saturday mornings after a game, examining the newspaper's coverage (finding only two errors), and remembering the fun of the night before.

I love then sitting out on the back porch with my coffee on that same Saturday morning and reading that day's Bible reading, today's reminding me that the fear of the Lord leads to life and that the purpose of the Lord will stand, that the Lord of hosts is holy, holy, holy and the whole earth is full of his glory.

I love knowing that the temporal joys of this world--football and touchdowns and victories--serve to point me to a far greater joy, a lasting joy, a joy found only in the Lord Jesus Christ. Football games will fade from memory but my joy in Christ is eternal, yes and amen!

I love the Lord, the giver of all good things, and I am thankful there is grace in wins...and in losses...and that in both, as in all things, He is glorified and He is sovereign and He is good...and this I remember even as I hope for another victory next week!

Pinterest made me do it

2011-09-02T10:29:00.000-05:00

So I've been dabbling a little here and there, browsing the beautiful images and fantastic ideas posted on Pinterest and in the process I became intrigued by pictures like the following:

Don't you love the black doors...on the inside? So I googled "painting interior doors black" and discovered all sorts of gorgeous images:

So...can you see where this is going? You guessed it: I threw caution to the wind, pulled down the can of black paint the painters used on our shutters when we had the exterior of our house painted a month or so ago and after a quick sanding, I painted all my interior doors downstairs.

Here's some before shots --oh, and please excuse the poor photo quality since I took these with my phone and they really are terrible...

The breakfast area:

The hallway looking toward the front door:

The family room:

And here's the after shots...

Yes, I painted two sets of French doors, a feat I hope never to replicate! If ever I get tired of the black, I'm thinking I'll just have to buy new doors...

So, what do you think of black interior doors? Yay...or nay? Hit...or miss?

Status Report, September

2011-09-01T08:57:00.000-05:00

Reviving...the blog, at least long enough for the humble status report.

Sitting...out on the back porch. It's 8:00 in the morning, the fan is circulating, and, still, it is hot. Please, fall, come soon!

Drinking...coffee, black.

Surveying...the damage Darcy the puppy wrought on the screen door. She busted through yesterday while I was away from home. Bad puppy!

Impressed...by Blogger's new interface. Have you seen it? A nice, clean look. I like it.

Unplugging...from most social media for the past few days. I haven't been on twitter in nearly a week! Have I missed anything? Somehow I think not.

Wondering...what the average life span of a blog is? As I look to the five year mark of this blog's existence and find myself uncertain as to its future, I'm curious to know if five years is a long or short time by blog reckoning.

Celebrating...my number 2 son's sixteenth birthday next weekend. Can you believe it? Did you know it's my husband's birthday as well? What a wonderful gift our son is to us! We are so proud of him and we look forward to marking this milestone birthday with friends and family.

Also celebrating...my birthday on Sunday. 43! Wow. It sounds old but I don't feel old. Though this is a strange stage of life I'm in, I think I like the 40's better than the 20's. Anyone else?

Deliberating...about teaching Bible study this fall and what (if) to teach. I am thinking through issues like our purpose and what we hope to accomplish and whether it is profitable or merely redundant. Don't misunderstand: I know that Bible study is important! Critical! Necessary! Good! If you've read this blog for any length of time you know of my passion for the study of God's Word. I am thinking in terms of my specific group. There is so much good teaching at my church (SO. MUCH. GOOD.)--we are incredibly blessed. Contemplating my class's place is a good thing, I think, and so is being open to new avenues the Lord may have for us in terms of ministering to women. An accountability group, perhaps? Who knows how the Lord will lead? We seek Him!

Planning...to clean out the pantry today. Ugh. Other (not so) fun items on today's to-do list: cleaning up my boo-boos from a recent painting project, tackling the ever present laundry, as well as giving the porch a good cleaning. My to-do lists are usually pretty ambitious so we'll see how much actually gets done.

Happy September, friends!

First Day of School (and proof positive that time flies)

2011-08-16T08:50:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was the first day back to school. It's our tradition, and certainly not a unique one, to take a picture at the front door. This year's obligatory shot:

We are a little nostalgic this school year as it is my oldest son's last year at home. Nostalgic, surprised, overwhelmed, proud--these are the conflicting emotions of the parents of a high school senior. I mean, seriously, how can it be? My firstborn, a senior? Time flies, as I've testified to you before, and here's proof: his first day of kindergarten front door picture...

That was then; this is now...

Twelve years pass by in a blink of the eye!

And here's the shot of all the brothers as they were then, back when there were only three...

I like to tell the story of taking my oldest to kindergarten. Of course we all walked him into his classroom, he marching before us like he was born ready (which I think he probably was), me the non-sentimental stoic and slightly stressed mom herding along a preschooler and toddler, and his brother, our number two son, the only one crying because he didn't want big brother to go to school!

No one cried yesterday, not even me, which doesn't mean I haven't and I won't. I have wept some, out of sadness at the passage of time and because I miss him already and he hasn't even gone...yet. But I cry too out of gratitude. What blessing is mine to be granted the grace and the privilege to mother four wonderful sons! I am so proud of my boy, of all my boys, and I am overwhelmed by the Lord's goodness to us. It's grace, all of it, grace from beginning to end. I think I see His grace all the more clearly here closer to the end than I did at the beginning and I am humbly grateful.

The Lord has been good to us. Blessed be the name of the Lord.

On death and legacy

2011-08-02T07:09:00.006-05:00

Tonight I will go to the funeral home and I will stand in line and I will offer my condolences to the grieving family and I will attempt to pay my respects to a lady I loved and cared about. Perhaps I will tell the family of my last memory of their loved one, a conversation she and I had over punch and finger foods at a bridal tea, a conversation in which she told me yet again that she prayed for me, daily, still.

As I give hugs and express my sorrow for the family's loss, for all of ours, I will ponder the legacy of this servant of the Lord. I will remember the years she taught young girls in Sunday School and the investment she made in their lives and hearts. I will think of her challenging my husband to a ping pong duel, she many years into her senior adult status! I will remember her question to me about the efficacy of Jesus' blood at some other bridal tea, many years ago. I will be thankful for her long life and her faith and I will rejoice that her hope is now reality and that she now lives in the glorious Presence of the Savior she loved.

Morbid it may be, but I will also think of my own dying. Will I be young? Or old? As friends and family pay their respects and gaze on my earthly remains, what will they have to say? As others reflect on my life, the good, the bad and the ugly, how will I be remembered? What will my legacy be? One of faith? Or, God forbid, futility? These thoughts both sober and worry me. No one knows the day or the hour, the Bible tells me; I must wonder, am I redeeming the time?

Many of these same thoughts are echoed in a post I wrote a few years ago after watching a documentary on, of all things, Princess Diana's dresses. After musing over such a strange legacy, I make the following observations...

If I could choose my legacy, what would I choose? How would I hope to be remembered? What mark do I want to leave?

While sometimes I act as if the most critical legacy I could leave is something as trivial as dresses or dolls, it is my sincere desire when I pass from this world to the next that others could look back on my life here and say:

That girl loved Jesus with everything in her.
He was her passion, her joy, her life.

Now may I live like it.

Yes, Lord. Let it be.

Status Report, August

2011-08-01T14:06:00.000-05:00

Sitting...at my dining room table.

Drinking...coffee, black. Yes, in the middle of the afternoon on a hot August day. Sometimes a cup of coffee is both needful and necessary and this is one of those days.

Feeling...hurried and harried after spending a long morning at the doctor's office waiting for a steroid shot for my son who has a horrible case of poison ivy. What I didn't count on (and frankly, didn't much need): a patronizing lecture from the doctor. Yeah, I know it's bad; why do you think I waited for two hours for the shot?

Realizing...I may have some unresolved anger that needs repenting of.

Thinking...of heaven and the mystery that is death. Two saints of the Lord, dearly loved by many including me and my family, are now with the Lord, both having lived long lives in the service of their Savior. It is strange, sometimes, how death comes, separately for these two friends and fellow church members, and within a week of the other. Both will be missed; both leave a legacy of faith and family. I loved them both and I am grateful for the hope we have because of Christ. Death has lost its victory and thus we may grieve but not without a glorious hope of life eternal beyond the grave! What grace!

Stressing...just a little over the start of school in two weeks. I haven't bought the first school supply!

Overwhelmed...at the start of my son's senior year of high school and most especially at the multitude of decisions we must make over the next twelve months. I am still perplexed at the fact that this is where we are. I'm fairly certain it was only yesterday that he was in fourth grade; was he not? Where does the time go?

Downloading...Bleak House for my Kindle app. I am looking forward to reading it since I loved the miniseries so much. It's pretty daunting, encompassing nearly a thousand pages I think, so I hope I'm up to the challenge!

Getting...up from the computer to put on another load of laundry, wash a sinkful of dirty dishes, run a couple more errands, in addition to the various and sundry Monday duties that are my privilege and responsibility.

Happy August, friends!

On 9th grade Sunday school and the seeds planted therein

2011-07-27T07:00:00.001-05:00

From the Lisa writes... archives, circa September, 2007...

We attended a large church in my youth-group years. These were the days of departments, comprised of a department leader and six to eight Sunday school classes and corresponding teachers. We would have assembly, aka large group time, then split into our assigned classes (I guess today the proper terminology would be "small groups"). To get an idea of the size of my church's youth group, each grade was its own department, and some years seventh and eighth each had two departments apiece.

When we gathered for assembly, the boys sat on one side of the room, girls on the other (it wouldn't be until eleventh grade before we dared intermingle). I cannot remember his name, but our department head for the ninth grade Sunday school would always introduce that week's lesson with a real life story that happened to him that very week that just so happened to perfectly illustrate the point of the lesson that week. We would often marvel at his ability to tie in some everyday circumstance of his everyday life to the lesson. In truth, we were just a little cynical that the perfect event would happen every single week. We would even wonder just how he would segue into the key points, sometimes making it a joke between us.

My ninth grade Sunday school teacher was a big former University of Texas football player named Malcom. He spouted Scripture effortlessly, one of his favorite being "what a man sows, so shall he reap." As I think on it, especially now as the mom of an up and coming ninth grader, it was an excellent word for young high schoolers like ourselves.

Malcom wanted to teach us to hide God's Word in our hearts through the discipline of Scripture memory. He assigned us a verse to memorize each week, and each Sunday as we gathered in our small classroom, we would copy the verse from memory into individual notebooks. Whoever memorized the most verses by the end of the year was promised a nice dinner in a nice restaurant with a chosen "other." Not to brag or anything, but eventually I was the only one doing any memorizing (yes, a brown noser even then). The Scripture memory challenge soon fizzled and no dinner awarded.

But I will never forget the lesson Malcom taught me; yes with the verses he had us memorize, and certainly with the warning that we will reap what we sow, but most importantly through his love of the Word of God and his desire to encourage that same love in the hearts of silly, immature teenagers.

I have no idea where Malcom is now, nor our department head. I do know this: their legacy lives on today, in me. I may have laughed then at the perfectly coincidental parallel between the events of a week and the key points of a specific Sunday school lesson, but today I know that God's Word is alive and active and speaks to my everyday life if I will only listen and heed. I may have memorized a list of verses then in order to gain my teacher's approval or receive a nice dinner, but today I know Malcom's passion for God's Word within me, and his desire for others to know that same passion is mine as well.

Oh, the faithfulness of our God! He planted seeds even when I was too young and foolish to know it. He has watered; He has reaped; He is worthy of praise! And when this life is no more, when we are gathered before the Throne in the Presence of the One worthy of all glory and honor and praise, I hope for opportunity to express my gratitude to two men who served the Lord Jesus in what was no doubt a thankless and sometimes frustrating place of service. I am thankful they did not grow weary and give up, but trusted the Lord of the Harvest, seeking only His glory and His alone...

Book Review: As Silver Refined

2011-07-25T07:00:00.001-05:00

In her book As Silver Refined: Answers to Life's Disappointments, Kay Arthur writes, "The single most powerful, liberating, peace-giving truth I've ever learned in God's Word is the fact that He is sovereign." Me too, Kay, me too. The Lord God rules and He reigns. He is in control and He works all things according to the counsel of His will. Yes and amen. The knowledge of this truth has transformed me. I find hope and freedom in the fact that God is sovereign. What comfort knowing I can rest in His gracious provision, no matter what comes!

I expected As Silver Refined to be about God's sovereignty and it is. Kay Arthur first addresses what she has labeled the "deadly D's", which obviously escalate in their effect:

The downward spiral begins...with disappointment. Disappointment comes when our expectations aren't met. Consequently we're not happy about it--we're disturbed.

When this happens and we don't conquer that disappointment in God's way, then we spin downward into discouragement. We're without courage. We want to give up. We want to quit because we're disheartened. We're ready to run rather than deal with the situation...

And what follows discouragement? Depression in its varying degrees.

The first "degree" of depression is dejection--a lowness of spirit, a feeling of spiritual and emotional fatigue.

If not reversed this dejection takes us down even further, plunging us into despair and finally into utter demoralization. At this stage of descent, hope is entirely abandoned and is replaced by apathy and numbness. Fear becomes overwhelming and paralyzing and can degenerate further into disorder and reckless action that is heedless of consequences.

It's war, Kay asserts, and we must be wise to our enemy's strategy in employing these "deadly D's" to keep us from the joyous obedience and confident victory that is rightly ours. Beginning with disappointment, Kay speaks to our common experiences of failures, regrets and stress, developing a contrast with the Biblical call to meekness. It is in the discussion of meekness that Kay begins to build on the theme of a sovereign God who grants peace to those who choose to trust Him. We can know that He is the Refiner and He uses trials and disappointments as His fire to refine believers as silver (1 Pet. 1:7).

From disappointment, Kay moves through the remaining "deadly D's," warning the reader of the spiraling nature of defeat that will accompany each and offering hope and grace to those struggling with that issue. In every point and every prescription Kay is careful to direct the reader to the Word of God and to Jesus.

Furthering the war metaphor, Kay encourages those struggling with any one of the "D's" to submit in faith to their good and gracious King, to stay in constant communication through His Word, to pray without ceasing and to obey fully His commands. His promises are our security and His Word our weapon to defeat the lies of the enemy. Included with the book is a thirteen week companion Bible study offering further exploration of these truths.

Interspersed throughout the book are stories from Kay's life and others as well as letters from readers and participants in Kay's studies who affirm the Lord's sovereignty and testify of the power of God's living Word to bring hope in very desperate circumstances.

In fact, if I have any real quibble with the book, it is that it is more conversational than instructive. Don't get me wrong; there is plenty of teaching here and good teaching too. It seemed to me, however, to be the sort of instruction one might receive over coffee with an older, wiser friend. Rather than bullet points and sub-points and main points, it meanders a little, sometimes tediously relating all sorts of good things and good stories in the midst of telling you the main thing, if that makes sense. As I said, it's not a critique so much as it is an observation.

There is hope for the hopeless, glory to God, and As Silver Refined offers both hope and grace for those caught in the desperate cycle of disappointment and defeat. I may have thought it was a little long and perhaps lacked clarity of presentation but on the whole I was greatly encouraged by this book.

Note: I was given a copy of this book by the publisher; my review reflects my honest opinion.

Friday's Fave Five

2011-07-22T07:04:00.000-05:00

Time once again to enumerate five favorite things from the past week...

1. A clean house. My house is rarely even close to being completely clean all at one time (Hello? There are six of us, and not an OCD-prone one among us). It seems there is always a rogue room here or there that I either couldn’t get around to or just wasn’t worth the effort on a given day. This past Tuesday afternoon, however, my entire house, or at least an unusually large percentage of it, was all clean all at the same time. I like it. Not enough to kill myself every week like I killed myself Monday and Tuesday in the pursuit of said whole house cleanliness but enough to enjoy it and label it a favorite.

2. And the reason for my atypically clean home? Old friends from way back when coming in for a short visit. Fun. Would have been fun-ner if the whole family of long time friends could have made the trip too but still fun just the same. We’ll take what visits from friends we can get!

3. My mom’s Mandarin Orange Green salad that I made for supper for the aforementioned friend visit. It’s yummy. Here’s the recipe so maybe it can be a favorite of yours in coming weeks...

1/4 to 1/2 head romaine lettuce
1/4 to 1/2 head iceberg lettuce (I just used the "Just Lettuce" bagged blend)
1 c. celery, chopped
2 green onions with tops, diced
11 oz can mandarin oranges, drained
1 T. plus 1 tsp. sugar
1/4 c. sliced almonds

Dressing:
1/2 tsp salt
2 T. vinegar
1/4 c. oil
2 T sugar
Dash red pepper sauce
1 T. parsley

Mix dressing ingredients. Shake well. Refrigerate.
Heat almonds and sugar in a heavy saucepan until sugar is melted and almonds slightly toasted. Cool on foil and break part. Just before serving, mix other ingredients, add almonds and oranges. Toss and pour on dressing.

4. I also made this casserole, tweaking just a bit, but also yummy and therefore also a favorite.

5. Bleak House. I finished watching the BBC miniseries last night and loved it. Since I've never gotten past the first few pages of the novel myself, I'm wondering if this is one of those rare instances where the movie is indeed better than the book? I'm thinking yes. Any book purists out there have an opinion? If I loved the miniseries (and I did), will I enjoy the book (all 900 or so pages)?

Check out other favorites at Living to Tell the Story!

Beach Reads

2011-07-21T10:11:00.000-05:00

One of my favorite things about a trip to the beach is planning my reading list. You think I kid, but I get excited, yes, about the sand and the waves, but even more so about the (supposedly) uninterrupted hours of good reading beachside. It's like Christmas or something!

The hunt for that really, really good beach read becomes part of the fun. When there is sun and sand, wind and waves, who wants just a mediocre book? So, after much deliberation (not to mention reading other blogger's book recommendations and stalking the amazon reviews), here's what I'm packing for our upcoming trip:

The God Who Is There
Rebecca recommended this one and I've had it for awhile now so I'm looking forward to being encouraged by this overview of the big story of the Bible.

March
This was Melissa's recommendation when I issued a plea on Facebook for a really, really good read. I have always loved Little Women so I am very excited about reading this, Mr. March's story and its account of the Civil War.

A Mountain of Crumbs: A Memoir
I was intrigued by this review at Dwell in Possibility. I love reading memoirs and this authors' experience of life in the former Soviet Union looks interesting.

Entwined
Carrie's enthusiastic recommendation (via Facebook post) convinced me.

George Whitefield: God's Anointed Servant in the Great Revival of the Eighteenth Century
My friend recently read (and thoroughly enjoyed) Dallimore's expansive two volume biography of the 18th century preacher; I'm hoping this shorter, slightly more accessible version will be just as interesting and inspiring.

Five books is more than ambitious, even for an enthusiastic and eager reader like myself. I do not think that I will read them all, nor do I necessarily plan to. I just like having options! As I said, I am looking forward to the pleasures of vacation found in the pages of a really good book, but even more so I am eagerly anticipating my time with my husband and boys amid the beauty of the Lord's creation. It's fun to enjoy vacation with book in hand, but the far greater joy is having my family by my side.

An unfinished post

2011-07-20T08:00:00.001-05:00

I spent some time the other day poking around behind the scenes here at the blog, discovering in the process that I have a rather large number of un-posted posts languishing in the draft queue. Some were obviously victims of a some sort of compelling distraction, only a few words long and then in incomplete sentences. Some of the drafts were just that: unedited, unfinished posts needing only a fitting conclusion or a little fleshing out here and there. Some I remember writing; most I do not. Some I can figure out what my point was; some I have no idea what it was I wanted to say.

For the curious, like myself, here's one of those draft posts, this one hearkening back to over three years ago, when we were all writing six word summations of our lives and tagging others to do the same. It is just as I wrote it then, with a few minor edits here and there (what can I say, I just can't help myself; the compulsive self-editor will never die). It ends, as you will see, rather abruptly. What was I going to say next? Who can know?

********

Another fitting six word memoir depicting my life as it is and not necessarily as it should be:

She rarely finishes what she starts.

I've considered giving you a laundry list of the things begun yet unfinished still. There is, however, a limit to my self revelation and, honestly, I fear risking your judgment. Suffice it to say, the list is long and varied.

In Sunday school yesterday we studied Ephesians 5:15-17, "Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is." Our teacher quoted John MacArthur as saying the most spiritually foolish thing a believer can do outside of willful disobedience to God's Word is to squander time and opportunity by frittering away his life in trivia and half hearted service to the Lord.

I've heard it said that we are to live like we're dying. We do not know how long God has allotted for our life here on earth and the argument goes that we ought live this day as if it were our last. Should I do so, I would no doubt have a sense of urgency and would certainly seize every opportunity to proclaim the glories of God in the gospel of Jesus Christ. I would not, however, worry about the dirty dishes in the sink. Were this to really be my last day on earth I would leave them there in the sink, not to mention the dirty laundry in the hamper and the dog hair on the floor; indeed I would leave it all behind with scarcely a thought as I prepared to leave this world for the next, yes I would.

But, isn't washing the dirty dishes in the sink also part of my calling? Certainly there is something of a flaw in the live-today-like-you're-dying approach.

Yeah, I'm thinking and too much. As I've already shared with you, I feel a sense of conviction--or is it guilt?--over squandering my time. As I told a friend in an email this morning, I feel as if I am chasing after my life, haphazardly and hurriedly, always behind and never accomplishing.

She rarely finishes anything she starts.

Or for another six word summation:

She lets life happen, accomplishing nothing.

Take Monday for instance. I spent nearly all day, besides fretting over my contrary child's karate attendance, on Bible study. A good thing. But I had to spend all day in preparation because I hadn't done much preparation in the week prior. A bad thing. So because I spent the day with my nose in the Word and various commentaries, I did not do the dishes or clean house or fill in the blank with some necessary domestic duty. Another bad thing. So now my already crazy week (hello? it's May) is even crazier as I try to catch up. Another bad thing. So I put off Bible study this week as well...

Squandering my time on trivia and half hearted service, this I fear.

I feel as if I accomplish no more than getting my kids to school fed, bathed and on time. Is that enough? Have I redeemed the time?

********

Friday's Fave Five

2011-07-16T09:19:00.000-05:00

I meant to post a Friday's favorites yesterday, it being Friday and all, but after I posted those quotes from the Desiring God blog, I got distracted with all manner of things like cleaning out the pantry and the fridge, running errands, buying groceries, washing and folding clothes, cooking and taking supper to a friend, among other things. Hence a Friday's Favorites on a Saturday.

Certainly this week had several notable favorites, a twenty year anniversary foremost among them all. However, I thought I'd take a different approach this week and expand on something I mentioned in my status report a couple of weeks ago. It being July, smack dab in the middle of summer, and me being weary of summer and that weariness making me cranky, I thought I'd once again remind myself of things that are good about summertime, favorite things, things worth listing and expressing gratitude for...

So, five favorite things about summer:

1. Teva flip flops. I love Teva flip flops and have three pair. So comfortable! I like the Olowahu the best; I have them in red and gray and wear them all the time. I also have the Mush Adapto in Black. So, yes, wearing flip flops in general, Teva most particularly, is something to like about summer.

2. While I'm talking fashion (a rarity, to be sure), I also like white jeans. I like wearing jeans year 'round but since I can only wear white jeans in the summer, they must be a favorite thing about summer. Please note, the restriction of wearing certain types of garments in the summer, such as white jeans and flip flops, does not necessarily render them a favorite (i.e. shorts and swim suits are not favorite things about summer).

3. Homemade ice cream. Enough said. Except I will say that my husband got a new maker for Father's Day and it makes some really, really good cream. Yum.

4. Not having to get out the door first thing in the morning. I still get up fairly early, depending on your standards, between 6 and 7 am, but I enjoy piddling around the house in the morning and having the flexibility to choose to get out at a time of my choosing.

5. Anticipating fall. I love fall (and yes, winter too) the best, and the dog days of summer make me love them all the more. Though summer seems interminable, especially here in the South, I know that cooler days are on their way. So, weird as it may be, knowing that it will surely end is another favorite thing about summer!

What about you? Do you love summer...or merely endure as I do?

Check out other Friday Favorites, on a Friday or a Saturday as the case may be, over at Susanne's.

Motherhood is a calling

2011-07-15T08:41:00.001-05:00

I once read an interview in which a prominent author defended her ministry outside the home by asserting that as a young mom “I felt neglected. And I hated my life. I mean, hated it. Okay? And then I started hating my husband. I felt like I was doing everything for everybody and getting nothing in return.” She went to the doctor who gave her the advice to “go out and get a job, to do something to satisfy me.” At this point in her life, she testifies: “I began to find me.” While I hesitate to judge her heart and motivations, I will say: this makes me sad. In contrast, I find this post at the Desiring God blog to be refreshing in it's call to the cross and to death, to live out gospel truth by sacrificing on behalf of others, on behalf of my children, declaring to the world the worth of the gospel and the value the Lord places on the least of these. In Motherhood Is a Calling (And Where Your Children Rank), Rachel Jankovic offers the following encouragement to moms:

Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.

Contrasting the prevailing cultural mindset with the way of the believer, Jankovic writes...

But a Christian should have a different paradigm. We should run to to the cross. To death. So lay down your hopes. Lay down your future. Lay down your petty annoyances. Lay down your desire to be recognized. Lay down your fussiness at your children. Lay down your perfectly clean house. Lay down your grievances about the life you are living. Lay down the imaginary life you could have had by yourself. Let it go.

"Stop clinging to yourself and cling to the cross," she concludes. Oh, yes, may I have the grace to do so, to shout to a watching world that I am nothing, Christ is everything, and what I get in return isn't nothing but everything, Christ Himself and the joy of the gospel! I don't want to find me; I want to find Him...

Read the rest of Jankovic's encouraging post here.

Twenty

2011-07-13T06:57:00.000-05:00

Happy Anniversary to us! Today we celebrate twenty years!

As we were then...

And as we are now...

My husband is a good man, a godly man, a man who loves the Lord Jesus. He works hard to take care of us and spoils me rotten. I am so thankful to the Lord for my husband, for our marriage, for how well my husband loves me, and for twenty years of life together. He knows me like no one else and yet remains my biggest fan! I love Jesus more and I see His grace better because of the undeserved and unmerited favor granted to me through the love lavished on me by my husband. If you'd asked me twenty years ago I wouldn't have thought it possible that I could love him more than I did that day but I do! I am blessed. I am grateful. I love him so.

To God be the glory; great things He has done!

The evolution of a blogger

2011-07-12T07:00:00.002-05:00

One of my friends is contemplating beginning a blog and she and I talked at great length the other night about the ins and outs of blogging, the merits of Blogger versus Wordpress, the convenience of Google reader, all the strange and mysterious information collected by Stat Counter, among many, many other things, some blog related, some not.

Since our conversation I've been thinking and as I reflect over my nearly five years of blogging (yes, five! Can you believe it?), I realize there are both lessons learned and blessings received, most of each being of the unexpected kind. In short I am not the blogger I was nor am I the blogger I thought I would be and for both I am glad. Here are some of the things I have learned and some of the things I have gained through this strange hobby...

1. I have realized my ordinariness in light of so many very talented bloggers. Some of you reading these words have the sort of gift with the keyboard that takes my breath away. True, I have sometimes been envious of those who write so beautifully and with such profound insight yet, ultimately, I am glad to know of my own mundanity. As I've said here in this space before, my mediocrity reminds me that it does not fall to me to be the smartest, funniest, most fashionable, craftiest nor the most theologically profound blogger on the block, and I am grateful. It is my privilege to be the ordinary wife, the ordinary mom and the ordinary blogger making much of an extraordinary God.

2. I have gained friendships with fellow bloggers literally around the globe. I have discovered a community of like-minded women serious about their faith and passionate about serving the Lord. For the first couple of years as a blogger, I was embarassed to refer to "my internet friend so and so" yet now it seems more natural because friends we most definitely are! I am so thankful for the wise and witty women the Lord has brought into my life through this strange hobby of blogging. How I wish we could all meet; wouldn't that be fun?

3. Some things are good to write about, some things are not. I must be judicious about what sorts of topics I address here in this forum. In my early blog years, when I was even more anonymous, I probably wasn't as careful. Just because I want to write about them doesn't give me freedom to do so.

4. Blogging can turn commercial and be just as competitive as nearly any other enterprise. Developing a brand and building a readership take a great deal of initiative, not to mention a fair amount of luck (or that's my opinion). There was a time when I agonized over my visitor statistics and longed for a larger portion of the reader pool. No longer. I have learned contentment in my little corner of the blog world and strive instead for excellence in my meager offering (when I do have something to offer).

5. Blogging is a hobby. Sometimes, and this is probably weird, I feel guilty over not posting regularly, like there's some big law out there that blogger must and ought to post three times a week, minimum. I love the interaction of blogging, I like striving to find words to express my faith and my journey, and, yeah, I like knowing there's one or two of you out there who read. But in the end it's a hobby. Sometimes real life intrudes and that's okay. My family, my home, my church, teaching Bible study--these are primary privileges and I blog best when I first fulfil these greater callings. Blogging is a hobby, an outlet, something to pick up and lay down as the whim strikes.

6. I have a great fear of my blogging exposing me as a hypocrite. I've confessed this to you before in a post I wrote in response to that very charge. This may surprise you but I completely and humbly agreed with my critic. I am the hypocrite. Though it is true that blogging represents only a small of part of me and of my life, it is sobering to consider the dichotomy that sometimes exists between the thoughts and confessions I express here and the real life conversation you and I may enjoy at, say, a soccer match. Please know: I don't presume to be anything other than what I am. I hope that what you see here is a very ordinary woman who sometimes speaks of her faith and sometimes doesn't and that fact fills her with shame. I will unequivocally assert: I need the Lord. I am not what I should be. I am a pauper to His grace.

I am glad my husband encouraged me to begin my own blog nearly five years (and some 860 posts) ago! I am the better for it. I'm glad too for you the reader; that you would spend a few moments here at this site reading these humble thoughts encourages and humbles me. Thank you for your visits and your comments! While you're here, I'm curious: for those of you who also blog, what sorts of things have you learned? How have you been encouraged or challenged through blogging? What words of wisdom would you share with a newbie blogger?

My best mothering advice (or the lack thereof)

2011-07-11T09:07:00.001-05:00

I have a good friend who gave birth to her first baby just a few days ago. She and I had lunch a week or so ago during which we chatted about all sorts of topics, including, as you might guess, the incredible and daunting task (and privilege) of motherhood. As we walked to our vehicles, sated with both chicken salad and conversation, she challenged me to write a post sharing all the wisdom and sage advice I've gained over my seventeen plus years as a mom.

I must admit I laughed a little at her request, not because I thought it inappropriate or humorous, but because, really, I have so little to share. After that conversation in the parking lot, and after reading another friend's blog post that wondered why it seems that seasoned moms are so reluctant to dispense advice, I've decided that my hesitancy has the following motivations:

1. I'm still not done here. The jury is still out, so to speak. Sure, my kids can now bathe and dress themselves (yes and amen) and have all reached a certain age and level of (sometimes disputable) maturity. All in all, they are great kids but if seventeen years have taught me anything it's that there are no guarantees and assumptions can be misleading. I'm still in the trenches; the fight so to speak is as intense now as ever.

2. My memory is bad. Those days when my kids were babies and toddlers and preschoolers (and all at the same time) passed by in a blur, a virtual whirlwind, and I honestly can't remember what worked or what didn't; I just know I survived, and then only barely! :) Interestingly enough, I think I probably would have been more apt to dispense all sorts of advice THEN than I would NOW. Oh, yes, then I was full of all sorts of convictions and judgments about good parenting and bad parenting what constituted each. Now, not so much.

3. I messed up, bad. I failed, many times over. In fact, the older I get, and the older my kids get, the more I realize how many mistakes I made and how many things I did wrong, sometimes out of ignorance, most times because I am a sinner, plain and simple. I know that I should have messed my kids up royally and it is that knowledge that tempers my dispensing of advice.

However, just because I am hesitant to speak as one who has emerged victorious in the mommy experience doesn't mean I have nothing to say. So, for my friend: what I have to offer isn't advice so much as it is lessons learned. Here's a few things, among many, that motherhood has taught me...

The biggest thing I've learned: I need grace. I am desperate for it. Truly, nothing has taught me of my own inadequacy and desperation like being a mom. I can't do this, a fact that has had me crying myself to sleep at night more times than I care to admit. I mess up, as I've already confessed, and I keep messing up. No matter what standard you choose to define a good mother by, I can't meet it. I need the Lord. I need the gospel. I need grace.

Also, there are no guarantees in parenting. My kids are sinners, rebellious, depraved; only the Lord can affect transformation. Yes, we the parents are the primary influencers in our child's life but their salvation does not depend on me. It is the work of the Lord. This is hard. It took me having more than one child (more than two, more than three...) to realize that I could not follow a recipe in order to gain the sort of child of my choosing. So many believe they can--perhaps they would not assert such in so many words but the subtle implication is there, whether you're discussing home versus public school, athletic ability, or salvation.

Oh, but the Lord is faithful. He sustains, He provides, He protects, He blesses, He teaches, He convicts, He answers, He saves. I am unspeakably grateful and humbled by the outpouring of His mercy on me, a needy, desperate mom. I well remember those weeks after my fourth baby was born, one of those blurry segments of memory I mentioned earlier, those days in which my fatigue was so overwhelming, my struggle with the baby blues teetering toward a dark, cavernous depression. I would fall into bed in the wee hours of the morning begging the Lord to find me because I had no idea where or how to find Him. His Word promises that He will surely be found by those who seek Him, and, glory to God, He was. He is.

Surely I've learned many other truths, truths like my kids are far more resilient than I deserve and that the stomach virus will invariably wreck its havoc in the middle of the night. However, as a mom who, like I confessed earlier, has messed up far more than she cares to admit and who's still in the trenches pleading with the Lord for the sake of her children, I am more than comforted by the fact that there is grace and the Lord is faithful.

So, here's my words of wisdom for new moms like my friend, older, more seasoned moms like myself, wives, sisters, daughters, friends, fellow believers and sisters in the journey: Remember the gospel. Preach to yourself the truth that Jesus saves sinners. Persevere. Stand firm. Seek mercy. Trust His faithfulness. Rest in His gracious provision. He is enough and He is everything, and He will show Himself strong on behalf of desperate women humble enough to seek Him. Run to Him, sister, and find in Him all that you require. Glory to His name!

Friday's Fave Five

2011-07-08T07:30:00.000-05:00

Here's a few of my favorites from this past week:

1. Our church picnic. I know that you know this, but I love my church family. Despite the sweltering temps, we had a great time just hanging out, eating ice cream and other good food, and enjoying the fellowship the Lord has so graciously granted to us.

2. Independence Day. My grandmother was a true patriot and it seemed I would rarely see her without her small flag pin which she wore proudly from the time her husband shipped out to serve his country in WWII. Her pin is her legacy to me; my mother gifted it to me a few years ago and I wore it to church Sunday with pride and remembrance. Someone asked me not too long ago how I reconcile the seeming dichotomy between my theology and the American Revolution. I didn't tell her, but I actually have never considered it. It is what it is, perhaps that's the simple-minded woman's response, but no matter: I love my country and I am thankful for my freedom and for those like my grandfather and grandmother who served and sacrificed.

3. Our family pastor and his wife welcomed the arrival of their first baby, a girl, last night. How exciting! I am now nostalgic as I consider our birth stories, four times over, and the life altering, heart filling, overwhelming love and gratitude that accompanied each.

4. I'm not one to blog on makeup and the like, but I have to tell you how much I really like the Cover Girl NatureLuxe lip gloss. I have Clove (I think) and I wear it with almost everything, when I'm wearing makeup that is. :)

5. Did you know my husband and I will be celebrating 20 years of marriage next week? Yes, indeed. He is a good man and so good to me, working hard to provide for me and the boys as well as spoiling me rotten. Nearly 20 years with him is a favorite to be sure, no matter the week, as is his care and love for me and his pleasure in giving me good things, gifts undeserved for certain!

See other favorites of the week at Susanne's!

Ambition and Aspiration

2011-07-06T10:09:00.000-05:00

From the Lisa writes... archive, circa March, 2007

Things I once wanted to be when I grew up:

Waitress. I well remember breaking the news to my family at Red Lobster, our go-to place for birthday celebrations. Our waitress, young, beautiful, and confident, had inspired me, but my dad quietly informed me that perhaps I needed to set my sights elsewhere.

Nurse. I loved reading the Cherry Ames and Sue Barton series as a girl, and thus my ambition to the nursing profession was born. It was, however, quickly extinguished the day my mom asked me to salt and pepper some raw chicken pieces and I nearly lost my lunch, so to speak.

Teacher. In our playroom my dad painted a whole wall with chalkboard paint. Somewhere my mom acquired some old text books, teacher's editions, with the tests and the answers in them. I spent many an hour laboriously copying out test questions on the chalkboard wall and lecturing my imaginary students.

Astronaut. I grew up in north Alabama where field trips to the Space and Rocket Center were a yearly event. Some of my fondest memories include my dad waking us up very early in the morning to watch a rocket launch on tv.

Actress. My mom occasionally took us to the children's theater which I absolutely loved. Even then I was a great fan of a great story and seeing Aladdin or Jack and the Beanstalk come alive on the stage was breathtaking. Even better was waiting after the show to get autographs of the cast members.

Author. As I said, I have always loved a good story well told and this love would propel me to the scribbling of my own stories. A dream I never really outgrew. Yesterday the spiral notebook crammed under the bed; today the computer and blogging.

Professor. Two semesters of graduate school cured this one.

The funny thing is, I do not remember ever specifically aspiring to my current occupation: motherhood. I guess maybe I always assumed I would be a mom and never really thought about balancing motherhood with whatever my current career aspiration happened to be at the time.

Yesterday as I chatted with another mom at a school field trip, she asked me the inevitable question, "What do you plan to do..." I finished the question for her, because I've heard it a thousand times, "...with yourself now that all the kids are in school?"

As indignant as I am sometimes when asked the question, it hasn't always been an easy one for me to answer. For nearly a decade I had a baby either in my belly or on my hip. The transition from diaper bag to backpack and lunch box really caught me off guard. I'm a smart girl, I knew with each birthday my boys were getting older; it was my transition that surprised me.

I once knew what I did: I changed diapers and filled juice cups and pushed strollers. For years. One baby boy after another. And now?

That transition plunged me into what has been at times an almost frantic search for purpose and validation. I bought the lie of our culture that we must accomplish to be significant. I knew God called me to be home, even now with the boys in school, but I couldn't shake the feeling I was supposed to be doing something, some accomplishment, some more worthwhile endeavor, something I could tell people I "did with myself all day now that the kids are in school." Somehow, laundry wasn't enough!

And yet, our faithful God has taught me the value of an ordinary life lived for His purposes and His glory. The privilege of serving Him in the simple tasks of laundry and grocery shopping and shuttling kids all over town. The holy responsibility of raising a generation of godly young men. The call to say Yes wherever He leads, whatever He asks. The freedom of living in the today of my journey, and knowing He holds the tomorrow.

The mom I was chatting with yesterday is also a stay at home mom, yet unlike me, she has a clearly defined direction she plans to pursue. For more than just a moment, I was somewhat envious and felt that same old panic over purpose. But after a moment's reflection I was able to answer her with complete confidence: "This is where God wants me for today. And for today that is enough."

Status Report, July

2011-07-05T10:57:00.000-05:00

Sitting...at my dining room table. I was out on the porch earlier this morning and it was bearable then. Now, it's just plain hot. And humid. And hot. And therefore miserable.

Ready...for fall, a fact I think I may have already mentioned to you a time or two. I know, I know, it's only July and the heat and humidity of August and September have yet to be endured. Ugh.

Choosing...to remember the good things about July, like celebrating Independence Day and my husband and sons' enjoyment of the Tour (de France, that is) and...

Looking forward...to a few days at the beach later this month. It's been a few years since we've seen the ocean so it will be a fun family getaway.

Anticipating...the release of the final Harry Potter movie! Y'all know of my love for Harry and I am so excited about seeing the conclusion of his story on the big screen.

Re-reading...the last two books of the Harry Potter series. Yeah, I'm a nerd. I own it. No shame.

Seeking...recommendations for beach reads. Read anything good (like, really really good) lately?

Making...my grocery list and coming up empty in terms of supper ideas for the week. A total blank. Any suggestions? Quick and easy is my mantra when it comes to summertime cooking (actually when it comes to cooking any time!)

Learned...a new card game while enjoying supper with some friends over the weekend. As a rule, I'm not a big game player but this was fun (translation: little skill or strategy necessary=my kind of game). Of course, an evening spent with friends is always a pleasure.

Enjoyed...a few hours rummaging in a couple of antique stores with a good friend last Friday. I bought some vintage Pyrex, a couple of books (you know it), and an old stool/stepstool. Fun!

Reflecting...on my pastor's words Sunday as our church took communion together. He spoke of the bond we share as believers and how the Lord in His providence brought us together in love, as a family, remembering as he did so of the various ways we all met each other. I too marvel over the grace and goodness of the Lord as I think of the different paths we've taken, only to come together as friends, family, and fellow sojourners. What grace! It's all because of Jesus! He has drawn us himself, we who were far away, and he has drawn us together. I love my church!

Thinking...about grace and how much I need it. I am the poor, destitute pauper, a beggar, undeserving of the goodness and mercy extended to me by a loving Father. I am ashamed at how often I forget my desperate poverty. Out on the porch this morning, as I read my Bible and prayed with casual and cursory ardor, I grew ashamed of my nonchalance. Who am I? Weak and lost, dead and doomed apart from the saving grace of the Lord Jesus Christ. He is so good; I am so unworthy. Grace, grace...

Happy July, friends! May you too enjoy a fresh vision of the grace and goodness of the Lord today! And if you have any recipe or book suggestions, by all means send them on! :)

Posting your own status report? Link up in the comments and let us know; it's always fun to see a slice of life as other friends know it...

True Confessions

2011-07-01T10:40:00.001-05:00

I've been sleeping in these summer mornings until SEVEN AM--quite out of character for me.
We have little or no structure or routine in the summertime, other than what is imposed upon us (like VBS last week).
I've nearly fallen off the wagon in regard to memorizing Philippians, maybe because we have so little routine? Certainly not because I lack discipline...
Ok, yeah, I lack discipline.
My son had his wisdom teeth removed this morning and I've already asked one brother if he would be willing to change out the gauze packing when it gets bloody and grody.
I do not do well with blood related grody-ness.
I've never been accused of being a particularly sympathetic, nurturing sort of nurse when my kids have been sick or indisposed.
However, I may have scored some mother-of-the-year points when I made chocolate chip cookies the other night for the first time in FOREVER.
I had also bought the boys some sodas to drink and chicken fingers for supper from the deli of the local grocery store, prompting one of the children to proclaim it "a special day"!
I think I should have chilled the cookie dough because the cookies turned out very flat. But good.
I may or may not have eaten more than one or two cookies while making them.
Indeed, who can resist a chocolate chip cookie warm from the oven?
Apparently I cannot.
I may or may not have eaten an additional cookie (or two) later in that same evening after the kids were in the bed.
I think I may have already confessed to you that I lack discipline.
In other news, I am so ready for fall.
Summer is my least favorite season.
There are some things I do like about summer, but I have a hard time remembering what they are.
Hydrangeas, Teva flip flops, white jeans, no lunch boxes to pack, and homemade ice cream--these are some of the things I like about summer. The heat, the humidity, shorts, and swimsuits, not so much.
I am looking forward to next summer, at least next June when I will hopefully be here; anyone else?
I am not looking forward to next summer and the corresponding push to get everything ready to ship my oldest son off to school.
I've decided I'm not going to think that far ahead. Not today, anyway.
It is time for my son's gauze to be changed; how bad can it be? I will also fix him a bowl of pudding.
Sometimes I can be sympathetic and nurturing after all. But only some times.

Book Review: Feminine Threads-Women in the Tapestry of Christian History

2011-06-29T07:52:00.000-05:00

Diana Severance's book, Feminine Threads: Women in the Tapestry of Christian History, is a crash course in church history, specifically the role of women in the historical narrative of the church. She traces specific women and their stories from the New Testament era through the end of two millennia, all in 300 or so pages! It is a quick and cursory look, to be sure, yet the pace does not hinder her objective but rather helps the reader gain insight into the broad spectrum of the contribution of women in church history, the big picture as it were.

Feminine Threads is chronological in its approach, beginning as I said with the New Testament era and the early church, weaving its way through late antiquity, the middle ages, and the reformation, concluding with chapters on the Puritans, the Victorians, and finally our modern culture. Severance explains her approach in the Introduction:

Each chapter includes general background information important to understanding the historical era of the chapter. Within each chapter, stories of Christian women are grouped according to their most prominent roles during that period--wives, mothers, ascetics, queens, writers, educators, reformers, evangelists, or philanthropists, etc. Wherever possible, the women are allowed to speak for themselves, from their letters, diaries, or published works.

I confess I know little of church history and even less of the women whose narratives are highlighted in Feminine Threads. As one ignorant of much of what I was reading about, I thought it a fascinating and encouraging. From queens to slaves, women played an important role in the defense and spread of the gospel of Jesus Christ throughout the centuries of church history! Some modern historians have attempted to represent church history as demeaning and suppressive to women yet Severance asserts that "we do not need to create an imagined narrative out of speculative evidence." The evidence is there, as noted by Severance's thorough research and her extensive footnotes.

True, I may disagree strongly with various doctrinal beliefs or lifestyles of some whose stories are told in Feminine Threads. Yet I find it refreshing that this book...

...[does not] write histories--of commoners or of so-called elite--based on what we would have liked for them to have been. Neither do we seek to superimpose contemporary thought patterns and standards on earlier societies. Though at times the evidence might raise unanswered questions, or we might wish the facts to be different, the truth of the story of women in Christian history inspires, challenges, and, above all, demonstrates the grace of God producing much fruit through Christian women throughout two millennia of the Church.

It does indeed. I was inspired and challenged by the grace of God and the fruit of the gospel borne by these, my forerunners in the faith. Some were quite wealthy and used their wealth and influence to advance the gospel. Some were poor, destitute, martyered for their adherance to Christ. Nearly all demonstrated a fervency in biblical scholarship and a thirst for knowledge that both encourages and shames me. As I read of wealthy queens and of determined missionaries I can't help but wonder about my own legacy. Certainly for each story told in the pages of Feminine Threads, there were hundreds, if not thousands, of women also serving the Lord with the same boldness of faith, yet in humble obscurity. Feminine Threads reminds me that it is not fame that builds an important and lasting legacy; it is the staunch and steadfast surrender of one's life to the cause of Christ, seeking His glory and the advance His kingdom in all things. How I want to be found faithful!

I highly recommend Feminine Threads. It is an important and encouraging, not to mention engrossing, read, one that will benefit all believers. I'd like to thank Christian Focus for providing a copy of the book in exchange for my honest opinion. My thoughts here are part of a blog tour; you can check out other reviews at the Christian Focus Booknotes blog.

A glimpse into our goings and comings

2011-06-24T07:00:00.004-05:00

Well, well, well. So it's been a week since I last logged in here to attempt a post, or something vaguely resembling one, and while you the reader can no longer be surprised by such lapses in posting I the author remain so. I never intend for the site to lie dormant for so many days; in fact I even had a few pressing thoughts eager to make their way to the computer screen...and yet, here we are. So what have I been up to since I obviously haven't been blogging?

We had new carpet installed upstairs, a much needed project albeit one requiring much preparatory labor. The installers moved all the large pieces of furniture; we had to only have what I call the "little stuff" cleared out from under the beds, off the floors of the closets, off the shelves, and so on. Did I mention much prepatory labor? We stacked most of it in the dining room (yes, the children helped--I was not about to attempt the transport of the many lego creations). Who knew there was so much junk hidden under the beds and in the closets?

As I mentioned, the new carpet was a much needed investment. In other words, our old carpet was shot. When deciding on exactly which carpet we wanted, I told the salesman that I had four boys and I wasn't a very good housekeeper and therefore I needed carpet that would withstand both. Time will tell, I suppose. I chose a much darker color as well, a brown named "Flowerbed" and while I worried that perhaps we were channeling 1972, I really, really like it. Now we have only to reinstate all the little stuff to their former hiding places.

It is also Vacation Bible School this week. So, yeah, the new carpet and associated labor notwithstanding, we're tired. Though I have to say that I really like the approach of this particular curriculum. Our classes travel to stations for the Bible lesson, crafts, games, and snacks so my main responsibility is making sure my little class of four year olds stays on schedule. That I can do!

In other news, I signed up for Pinterest though I remain a little unsure as to its concept and use, particularly for someone like me who prefers words to pictures and whose hobby doesn't require spray paint and sander but a laptop and thesaurus. :) I do enjoy reading and gaining inspiration from various home and decorating blogs so it will be fun to accumulate ("pin") images and ideas that I like in one page ("board"). Just a cursory glance on the boards that I follow already has me ready for a thrift/antique store shopping spree--I'm thinking I need a few more plates to hang on the wall! No doubt there are all sorts of other uses to be discovered. Oh, and if you want to check out my boards and pins and such (though I currently have only two, yes count them, two pins) you can follow me here.

I've also been reading Feminine Threads: Women in the Tapestry of Christian History for an upcoming blog tour. Though I will have more to say in next week's post, I will say this: this book is a fascinating look at the lives and faith of Christian women throughout history. I'm ashamed to admit how little world history I know and to read of the impact and influence of the gospel through the stories of real women in various historical and cultural contexts--well, as I said, it's fascinating. I'm enjoying both the (brief) history lesson and the encouragement that comes with remembering those who've gone before and who stood firm contending for the faith, often at great cost.

Speaking of books, I received an advance copy of Nancy Guthrie's study on Genesis this week, The Promised One: Seeing Jesus in Genesis. I am really excited about perusing it more carefully but what I see, I like! A lot!

So, there's a small glimpse into our goings and comings. I hope that you too are enjoying a summer full of the blessings of church and family, good books and good friends, grace undeserved and mercy overflowing...

Friday's Fave Five

2011-06-17T07:55:00.000-05:00

It's Friday, which means it's time once again to link up our five favorites of the week at Susanne's blog Living to Tell the Story. Some of my favorites of the week include:

1. The regional soccer tournament last weekend that I posted about yesterday. We didn't win but we sure competed!

2. My husband had a business trip to Nashville and our two younger sons and I tagged along. We stayed at the Opryland Hotel which is huge. And amazing. And gorgeous. Here's the view from the balcony of our room. We had an interior view, mind you, so all that you see is inside the hotel. Incredible!

3. As part of our trip we took a spin on the General Jackson showboat for supper and a show. The supper was okay but the show was fantastic! It was a retrospective of sorts, featuring (you guessed it) country music through the years. I grew up on country music and was an avid fan in my college/newlywed years so it was great fun and the performances were really good.

4. I won a $50 cash doorprize the last morning of my husband's conference so we stopped at the mall on the way out of town and I purchased a new charm for my charm bracelet. Fun!

5. It's fun to go, to soccer tournaments and to beautiful hotels alike, but I'm a homebody at heart. In fact, I'd rather be home than almost anywhere and I think sometimes my husband must feel as if he has to pry me the out the door with a crowbar! That being said, the best part of going is coming home. I love to come back home!

What were your favorites of the week? Link up your Friday Fave Five over at Susanne's!

The Cinderella story that almost was

2011-06-16T08:20:00.000-05:00

Some of you may remember my second son's soccer team won the state championship for their division last fall (and in very exciting fashion). As the state champions, they earned the privilege to represent our state in the regional tournament against champions from 11 other states. We played last weekend and I have to be honest: I wasn't sure how competitive we'd be. I knew we were a good team, by our state's standards, but hello, our first game was against the Florida team from Miami. I'm not certain, but I've been told the population of Miami alone is greater than the entire population of my whole state. Anyway, not only did we hold our own, we tied the Miami team 1-1, my son scoring the tying goal with what his coach described as one of the prettiest goals he's ever seen as a coach (proud mama moment to be sure). In fact, our coach wrote about the game here, describing the thrill of the equalizer that showed us a competitive force.

We went on to tie with Georgia and found ourselves in a must-win game against Oklahoma, a team Miami had beat 2-0. In order to advance, we needed to win 2-0 as well and we needed Miami to tie with Georgia. Crazily enough, that is exactly what happened and thus tied with the Miami team, penalty kicks then determined who would advance to the semi-finals. Nine kicks later, the Floridians advanced and ultimately went on to beat a team from Houston to win the whole tournament and earn a berth at nationals.

It could have been us, our boys, going all the way. We had obviously shown ourselves equal to whomever we were playing, a feat to be enormously proud of, no doubt about it. I find it interesting that the final game was comprised of opponents from two of our nation's largest cities: Miami and Houston. What if it had been us, a team of boys from various small towns scattered across northeast Alabama? A Cinderella story to be sure! Maybe next year!

I am proud of the team, for their hard work and persistence, their determination and their desire to play. My boy is already looking toward next season! It's exciting to win, yes, but it's also exciting to see the kind of teamwork and discipline they are learning by playing the game they love.